Parents shouldn't use mobiles around their children

[SmudgeButt]

OK I know some will think this is ridiculous. And just for context I'm not saying that parents shouldn't have mobiles but simply not use them when they are out and about with their children.

There's been lots on the news about how schools want to restrict students using mobiles during school hours. But these are kids that have been raised with practically ever adult around them with a mobile glued to their hand.

I've seen parents out pushing buggies with an excited child pointing at flowers or doggies or whatever and the parent is just walking along like a zombie, ignoring the child and simply staring at or talking on their mobile. I've even seen children with buggies or at restaurants that have a tablet, real or plastic, for them to look at and play with rather than engaging with anything else in the world.

Yes I know some children for whatever reason need to have a distraction in order to be in whatever public space. And I know that we all want to have a mobile in case of emergencies or if there's a real need to contact someone.

I guess my issue here is that the other day I was in a restaurant with DH having a breakfast out together and he said, "oh look that woman is talking to her child!" The entire time she and her friend were having their coffee etc they both talked to the child, involved her in the conversation, let her sit quietly for a bit, played with her. Simply engaged with the child as adults would normally but without any IT distractions.

Thoughts?

you are going to see this every where now you have a bee in your bonnet about it

that mum who was ignoring her child may be on her way back from a mummy and me music class or back from a couple of ours at a friends house

you saw one snapshot of an ignored kid and think phones need banishing

where is your kid while you post this ?

I find it interesting how everyone is keen to minimise the time-sink nature of it. I've read 'quick social media scroll' and 'watch a few minutes of a video', 'have a quick break', when the average adult spends 4.5 hours per day on their phone

Not really, not everyone is looking after kids

At school maybe?

If I bring my kids to a playground or play centre then I do it with the intention of not playing with them. It's my break. In fact when I see parents leaping out enthusiastically with their kids at the playground I think they obviously don't spend much time with them because if you were playing or engaging from 6am to 7pm without a break there is no way you would have that energy level. So on that point I disagree.

However I agree with OP in a general way about parents on phones too much. We complain of how teens behave when they are just mirrors of our own behaviour. And it's trickled down to young kids being dependent on devices. Personally I think giving a child a device when going for a walk or in the car is inexcusable. They need to look around even in boring traffic jam there is so much to see from a child's perspective and it's an opportunity for lots of talk too. However we need as a society to be more tolerant of babies and toddlers, parents often panic in a queue or waiting area and try to keep the child quiet with a device because the alternative is loud noise. We need to accept the noisy child more if we are going to be judgmental about the methods parents are using to quieten them.

Its not a binary choice, Screens aren't the only way to keep kids quiet.

Yep

Inset day today where you are too by any chance?

They were not sitting in phones or tablets.

No people 30/40/50 years ago were not sitting on phones or tablets correct. Do I have to point out why this is, is it not obvious?

They were playing with other kids.

Yes often at all hours, with random children and in unsafe situations. People didn’t know where their kids were a lot of the time.

And whatever you tell yourself, kids being left in the car while their parents were in the pub were seen as crap parents at the time.

Disagree - it was totally normalised in a world that believed children should be seen and not heard.

My boss reported a family in the eighties who did this every night to social services. Social Services agreed it was crap parenting but it was not neglect.

Kind of proves my point that it was normalised?

Urgh i hate when anywhere treats parents like naughty children. I’d be going on a phone if I wanted to, adults don’t need policed.

Such rubbish. I am quite often rushing when I do pick up. Sometimes I do chat to other parents. Sometimes, I am still reading and responding to work emails up until the last second when my child comes out. Quite often, it's when I do that last minute Amazon order I forgot to do earlier (usually lsomething for the DC and Iknow I'll be asked the moment they exit the school gate!)

Similarly, if I'm on the playground for a nativity or something, we usually get to stand around for at least 10 minutes before they let us in the building. Then we get another 5-10 minutes of sitting around waiting for things to start. I'm an adult, I don't need to be told what I can and can't do with that time.

I'm all for parents chatting to parents as they walk or drive to and from school, but actually, most of the parents I see either ARE chatting and engaging with their DC OR, if they're not, they're not on the phone, they're all just moving along quietly in their own little world. Certainly DS has always been this child - he takes a while to wake up in the morning, he wasn't doing a lot of chit chat on the way to school!!!!

I think this is part of my problem. All the ranting on about phones and devices but in reality, I just don't see people permanently on their phones. And the ones I do see are usually the ones walking by themselves so oblivious to the world they're almost being run over every day. Not with children.

I mean I think there is ever increasing amounts of evidence that we are all smart phone addicts and that we’re passing this onto our children to everyone’s detriment. We should all try to use our phones less so I’m with you OP!

No but sometimes adults need guidance from professionals involved with the daily life and care of their dc

Balance is the best thing you can teach children. Not using a phone around children is unrealistic and teaches them that it has to be all or nothing which isn't true or healthy.

Sometimes I take work calls on the school run, they’d be getting told to sod off

All the people reacting defensively are probably not part of the problem. It is undeniable that there is a problem though. I know people who are literally on their phones constantly. I know it is constant because I know them. I 100% don’t think we have to interact with our children all day but there is something about a phone that distracts you even when it is just nearby.

It’s also about the example you set. How do you set limits for your children if you have none yourself? Do they ever see you read or stare into space or make small talk in the bus queue?

How about a can of lager at pick up?

I know it's a bit off-topic, but several people have mentioned the phenomenon of people giving phones to toddlers when they're being wheeled in their push chairs. This is the bit I just don't understand! Because taking a baby / toddler out in the push chair is PRECISELY the moment where they are quiet and focused, because they love looking at everything around them! And they are strapped in, so it's not even to keep them busy. I mean, what is all that about? (other than additional needs, I know I know)

huh?

Me sending a work email while I wait for my DD to come out of the school is the same as me having a lager? And me thinking that the school can't tell me what I do with MY time just because I'm on their property is the same as me wanting to get boozed up at 3pm?

Bloody hell, no wonder there's such hysteria about phones if this is the level of analysis and insight.

You are looking for loopholes in true MN style
Don’t

You're saying as an adult no one tells you what to do, but some people find phone use unacceptable at school, as it seems you find drinking beer unacceptable

Honestly, I wouldn't have given my child a phone in the pushchair because they would have dorpped it or turned the volume u pto some ridiculous level, but I have many bad memories of my DC in the pushchair being fractious, whingey, crying etc. Sometimes we just had to be somewhere and they didn't want to go. or they wanted me to do something I couldn't do. Or they were bored.

I had a selection of toys strapped to the pushchair I'd desperately pass them, usually it would only work for a minute or two at a time!

Sunat45degrees

At swimming they require parents to stay and would you not watch your child if you had to stay? All of the kids look up after their turn and a lot wave to parents proud at what they’ve done.

Do you not recognise the irony that you posting this is in fact not only you using your phone, but encouraging parents to pick up their phones to read your post on here, most likely whilst with their children? 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

I do agree there is too much usage of children with screens/smart devices , but as long as it can be done constructively or educational, and given a time limit, it can be used in the right way.

Unfortunately, it is a way of life that everything we do is done through smart devices that could directly impact their children, transferring money into their saving accounts, nursery/school using apps that update parents on activities their children are doing, information apps, like child centre for example.

Unless they're just sat there on social media, or playing games, I think it's a bit harsh, unfair and unrealistic to criticise parents for using phones in modern family life these days 🤷‍♀️

Right. Okay, I see. So in your head, a phone on school property is the equivalent of a beer on school property and therefore the school has every right to say NO?

I sort of see your argment but I don't think it's the same at all. Also, I don't think schools should have to ban alcohol - surely that is more a societal awareness of when is and is not appropriate for alcohol? eg we don't take whisky into Next or a bottle of red wine into the office, but I'm not sure I've seen a big sign up, it's just understood? I mean, I've never seen anyone drinking on the playground but I also don't think I've ever seen a rule that we can't drink on the playground. Our school does have a no hot drinks policy which is mildly annoying but understandable becuase they have had a child burned when bumping into a parent in the past.

Similarly, parents who use their phones while their child is actively talking to them are likely to be not great. Just like poeple who whip their phones out and play loud you tube videos on the bus. But banning phones on busses or playgrounds is not really solving the underlying issue of poor behaviour.