Parents shouldn't use mobiles around their children

[SmudgeButt]

OK I know some will think this is ridiculous. And just for context I'm not saying that parents shouldn't have mobiles but simply not use them when they are out and about with their children.

There's been lots on the news about how schools want to restrict students using mobiles during school hours. But these are kids that have been raised with practically ever adult around them with a mobile glued to their hand.

I've seen parents out pushing buggies with an excited child pointing at flowers or doggies or whatever and the parent is just walking along like a zombie, ignoring the child and simply staring at or talking on their mobile. I've even seen children with buggies or at restaurants that have a tablet, real or plastic, for them to look at and play with rather than engaging with anything else in the world.

Yes I know some children for whatever reason need to have a distraction in order to be in whatever public space. And I know that we all want to have a mobile in case of emergencies or if there's a real need to contact someone.

I guess my issue here is that the other day I was in a restaurant with DH having a breakfast out together and he said, "oh look that woman is talking to her child!" The entire time she and her friend were having their coffee etc they both talked to the child, involved her in the conversation, let her sit quietly for a bit, played with her. Simply engaged with the child as adults would normally but without any IT distractions.

Thoughts?

I agree with you OP, but of course you'll have numerous people saying they have to be on their mobile all the time because they are doing absolutely essential things the whole time.

People are very, very defensive about being constantly on their phone, especially if anyone dare suggest that might be impacting their children.

I once sent my kids to the LA pool and it was a 45 minute lesson - about 30 minutes of them was sitting on the poolside waiting their turn!

Maybe then this is a sign that they should have been taken home a bit earlier before they would get grizzly and overtired?
giving screens is like putting a plaster on a problem that could have been prevented further up the line

I agree tbh - I’m always on my phone around the kids, both to keep life spinning (school apps,
nursery app,
school lunch order app,
doing work,
Booking appointments,
organising social lives of not only me but my 3 children,
taking photos of said children so I can remember all the cuteness,
sending said pics to grandparents,
working the TV as we can never find the remotes so just use the app,
Extra curricular apps for example cricket fixtures, gymnastics club, piano lesson booking,
banking
ordering groceries
putting music on the speakers etc etc etc)

but also for chill out time and dissociating from all the above (which I know doesn’t make sense)

DS is 10 and I really want him to not have a phone for a while - do as I say not as I do. But as a teen he won’t be as busy as a grown mother of 3 so also maybe doesn’t need a phone anyway, that could be a valid point.

DD is 2 and I feel guilt absolutely every time she sees me on my phone. Probably because of threads like this. But I do agree really. At least none of my 3 kids have yet, in the decade I’ve been a parent, drawn a family portrait with us with our phones in our hands 😁

To be honest being tied to my phone genuinely is the main reason I can’t face calorie counting 😂 bloody MyFitnessPal!

Not really sure what the alternative is when your whole life is online like my list above? Even my to do list is constantly running on my Notes app. I try and keep my phone in one place as if it’s a landline but end up just standing in the hallway all day, or having to go and get it every 5 mins.

DS plays basketball. When he was younger, sometmies I'd stay and watch for various logistical reasons. I got into the habit of taking my kindle because they often do mini games, very intense, for 5 minutes or so at a time. So basically, half the kids are sitting out catching their breath while the others are on the court. I got very good at casually looking up to check if he was on or off at any given moment!

YOu're a bundle of laughs?! You never ever had an over tired child? You never sat in the car desperately trying to keep a child awake beause otherwise nap time was ruined? You never got delayed so you had a fractious, hungry toddler?

Obviously you are the best parent in the world. And the rest of us are just slovenly.

I was away to say the same thing. Are parents (and I agree with a PP that this really means mums) allowed to do anything else when with our kids, or do we always have to be 100% engaged with them?

Is it OK if we are reading a book, or cooking, or doing a chore or having a shower? If so how is that different to being on a phone, as long as you are interruptable and available to your kids when they need you to be?

I absolutely take the point that being on a phone may not actually be a relaxing/recharging activity though. But sometimes we need an escape.

Of course I have.
What I'm commenting on is the PP's framing of giving a phone to a child in a push chair as just something you do because of life, as something inevitable, a situation that can't be avoided.

You’ve made 22 posts on MN today

This is a good point. I think using a phone is a more interruptable activity than, for example, reading a book. Though I guess that makes no odds to kids!

Depends what you’re doing I guess. I’ll take the odd time to watch Instagram videos that make me smile, I don’t think I’d get this level of entertainment anywhere else in 3 minutes

It depends, my son can’t watch a full length episode of a TV show, he gets bored too quick, sometimes my DD does (and we watched IACGMOOH together) but we’d sooner be playing Uno, board games, Battleships etc or go for walks depending on the time of day

Yes! I am an addict. Like most of us. That's why I have a dumb phone, app blockers, FocusMate, and I read everything I can get my hands on about smartphone affection.
Today I've had a bad day at work trying to do a creative project (I'm self employed) so I've used MN to procrastinate. At no point have I ever claimed on this thread that I do not have this same problem.
But what I think is good is that I am aware of it and not defensive about it. I've put things in place in my life so that it doesn't ruin everything. For example, right now I'm just about to go and collect my kids, with my dumb phone.

This is valid too I think - you can easily grab a few minutes to have a break with a phone. Not so easy to have a break to do something more wholesome that isn't easy to start and stop as it requires set up and/or concentration. Looking after young kids is really relentless. I'm not advocating parents being on phones 24/7 but saying "never" or "only for essentials" is a bit much imho.

Who is it impacting if parents use their phones in a playground?

Murder is illegal

Exactly. I'd be telling school that I'm not one of their pupils so they don't get to apply rules to me.

Oh I’m so sorry Miss, I’ll turn back time by 5 years and behave with utmost perfection 🙄 well sometimes I didn’t take them home earlier and they were tired. Big whoop. Cry harder.

The children i presume, which is why the school would have implemented the rule, but i guess you'd have to ask the school

I agree OP and I'm sure that most reasonable people do too. Nobody needs to be glued to their phone. People take their phones into the toilet with them for fuck sake and I don't suppose even world leaders do that, unless they're expecting the four minute warning. It's soul destroying to see people ignoring their children whilst gasbagging to their "bestie" about hair extensions. Or sitting in restaurants scrolling like drug addled zombies through pages of meaningless crap. It's sad and pathetic really but it ain't going away.

I ended up quitting that swimming because they seemed to have unlimited amount of children in groups meaning they had less pool time if more kids turned up. But when my DC were on the poolside I’d take the opportunity to do my grocery order. I knew when they’d have their turn as it was like a poolside queueing system albeit an insanely slow one.

The children who are waiting to be picked up? It makes no sense at all.

Are you talking about me?? Because I didn’t say anything like that. At all. Maybe you need a break from your screen if you’re getting confused?

But you are berating other people for being addicted and making snide comments.

You must be very addicted indeed if you have a second phone to mitigate the addiction to your first phone.

So is driving with a phone, but you compared it to using a phone in the playground.