Parents shouldn't use mobiles around their children

[SmudgeButt]

OK I know some will think this is ridiculous. And just for context I'm not saying that parents shouldn't have mobiles but simply not use them when they are out and about with their children.

There's been lots on the news about how schools want to restrict students using mobiles during school hours. But these are kids that have been raised with practically ever adult around them with a mobile glued to their hand.

I've seen parents out pushing buggies with an excited child pointing at flowers or doggies or whatever and the parent is just walking along like a zombie, ignoring the child and simply staring at or talking on their mobile. I've even seen children with buggies or at restaurants that have a tablet, real or plastic, for them to look at and play with rather than engaging with anything else in the world.

Yes I know some children for whatever reason need to have a distraction in order to be in whatever public space. And I know that we all want to have a mobile in case of emergencies or if there's a real need to contact someone.

I guess my issue here is that the other day I was in a restaurant with DH having a breakfast out together and he said, "oh look that woman is talking to her child!" The entire time she and her friend were having their coffee etc they both talked to the child, involved her in the conversation, let her sit quietly for a bit, played with her. Simply engaged with the child as adults would normally but without any IT distractions.

Thoughts?

Chuck it on the long list of things we need to fret about.

Im lying down with my toddler while she watches Peter Rabbit and I'm on my phone. Thus far I have organised her brothers tennis lesson, checked the weather over half term to make sure I pack the right clothes for our trip, ordered some gloves for the kids (see previous point), text my Mum to see if she's feeling better, finished the online food shop etc etc etc, and also had a lie down (win as she's poorly and I was up all night).

I could do this when my child is not around, say after bedtime. But in that time I have to fit in a couple of hours work (as I work flexi and need to pick my other kids up early tomorrow), go for a run, pack for hols, spend 2 mins with DH having an adult conversation.

All of the above extremely boring facts. But with small kids and a job there is an endless list of tasks that need to be done. I'll do them
in the most efficient way.

So while I think you should be present when interacting with your children (regardless of what the distraction is) no using smart phones in front of them is a ridiculous idea.

this absolutely tracks for me. I'm gobsmacked by how much time I spend with my DC and how much DD in particular, expects me to spend with her. I mean, mostly I love it, but that was NOT my experience growing up and I am actively working on increasing my chidlren's confidence and independence so that they don't need me hovering all the time.

I am very mindful of this, and try hard not to use my phone around the children. Or if I have to, for an essential task, I tell them what I'm doing so they're involved.
My husband in principle agrees but is constantly on his phone. It really really annoys me and I'm always prompting him to stop it, but he doesn't seem to consider it as important as I do. I just feel it's absolutely ridiculous for us to be limiting toddler screen time then sit there browsing, what double standards.
However, when they're in the double buggy is the only time I do get to use my phone, so yes you will absolutely see me pushing along glued to it. Children can't see me because of the hoods and are entertained looking at things, so I don't think 5 mins catching up on emails or WhatsApp is a problem. I go to the loo and they follow me in, I go upstairs to get something and they're shrieking for me. Apart from needing 5 mins of my own down time, there are actually sometimes things I need to do on my phone. Or should we just never go to playgroup because I haven't booked, or get anyone a birthday present because I haven't ordered it, or get any food because I haven't done it online?!

I agree that people shouldn't just be scrolling mindlessly and in so doing completely failing to interact their children.

I think though that use of Google maps, Waze or purchasing train or bus tickets are needed. So are QR codes for menus in some pubs, cafés or restaurants. So sometimes people could appear to be just scrolling through their phones when they are actually doing something necessary, like purchasing tickets, ordering from the menu or looking up the route to get from A to B. Even using the phone as they walk along to follow that route too.

It is possible to talk the children through what you are doing and why.

They were not sitting in phones or tablets. They were playing with other kids.
And whatever you tell yourself, kids being left in the car while their parents were in the pub were seen as crap parents at the time. My boss reported a family in the eighties who did this every night to social services. Social Services agreed it was crap parenting but it was not neglect.

Sometimes, I can sit and have a coffee or a meal while my child played with toys, looked at stickers, interacted with us etc. I did a flight recently with no screens at all.

But… sometimes if they’re cranky, won’t sit still, mean I’m going to have to leave before eating my meal… I really don’t think it’s so awful to briefly watch something on a phone.

People are ridiculously OTT about this on mumsnet, and almost universally it comes down to ‘well we didn’t have that’.

Hmmmm I do use my phone around my children but I'm not sitting on MN, Instagram or FB if I am on my phone.

Mostly I'm multitasking, sorting out the food shop, banking, checking their school journals for anything needed done at home that evening (all on apps), checking updates on if their activity is still going ahead that week and other life administration etc.
Everything is online which means I'm sorting it on a phone when I am not working!

I don't sit on my phone when playing with them (will say let me finish the food shop or check your journal), during meals, bathtime etc etc

Exactly, so boring!
I used to walk behind a parent to school for years. She was taking her small child to school I was going to work. I honestly never every saw her interact with her child ever. She was constantly on the phone and he was shuffling along behind her. It may be she did her incredibly important work during those 10 minutes walk to the tube or whatever but it was so weird. Poor child

Our school do not allow parents to have phones out on site

this is a good point as well.

So parents who are chatting to another adult whiel child is getting onw ith stickers... that's okay?

Feels like a bit of double standard. Where's the engaging? I mean, don't get me wrong, if I was out with my toddlers and I could get them doing some colouring whiel I had a coffee, WIN! and I had a fairly decent success rate with this. But I am not going to judge a parent who has to hand the phone over to get those 10 minutes of peace.

I wouldn't send my children to such a school.

@ComtesseDeSpair That survey was about active engagement i.e. playing with children. I don't think phones and tablets have an impact on that. What they have an impact on is all the asides during the day e.g. toddler sees a doggie and mum and toddler have a quick chat about the doggie. That is what is being lost.

As PP have already mentioned - all you see when you're out is a snapshot. I engage with my children constantly. I've never given them devices in restaurants or cafes (I don't judge those who do, though) but you might see me looking at my phone when we're out on a walk because I might be booking tickets, transferring money etc

You wouldn't know that, however. You'd see a woman with a pushchair using her phone, and you'd make these judgements. It's not very fair. And I am so aware of how judgemental people can be about this particular point whenever I need to whip my phone out.

I've got 2U2, so lots of parenting to do yet. It's tempting to just put a screen in front of the toddler when we're out and he's playing up and the littler once us crying, but I choose not to. As above though, I don't judge those who do. It's more likely they've spent the entire rest of the day interacting and playing with their children, and just want to drink their coffee in peace for ten minutes!

Being a good parent is about SO MUCH more than whether you let your child watch 20 minutes of Bluey while you drink your coffee. I do not consider myself a superior parent just because I don't use screens when out and about.

Isn't it far more important to consider what the child experiences during the other 11hrs40mins of awake time that day? As long as the child is being read to, spoken to, kissed, hugged, loved, sung to, taught new things etc then I don't really see a huge problem.

Point being, you don't know what the parent is doing with their child the majority of the time. Parenting is hard enough without being made to feel judged all the time.

Exactly

It’s a recent thing. They’ve said no phones and have suggested that parents don’t use them on the walk to and from either and talk to their dc instead. I don’t have a problem with it personally it isn’t a deal breaker as they are an amazing school

No child sits for a whole meal doing stickers without parental engagement. A child can stare at an ipad without parental engagement though.

Its a great idea

I agree OP. I have a rule that I don’t use my phone in front of my children and as well as the benefits for them, it has helped me to keep control of my screen addiction. Obviously occasionally it is necessary to check Google maps or something and they see me do it, but it stops me doing mindless scrolling in front of them. I save that for when they’re in bed

Drop off and pick up is such a small part of the day too it’s really no problem to not have phones out and encourages parents to engage and chat to others and their dc

You missed debating with strangers on mumsnet as part of your list

I know, more schools should do it

It would be entirely unreasonable to not use it at all, but I get where you are coming from about parents being so preoccupied with endlessly staring at a screen that they're not engaging with their child.

I'm a single mum and my daughter used to go to nursery Monday - Wednesday so I had Thursday - Sunday alone with her (through choice because I love her company). I don't have family nearby so would often do 6-7 weeks without any adult help of any kind. I used to take her to the cafe near me where she'd colour and eat her food and look around and generally be contented and I'd scroll my phone for half an hour. I called it my lunch break and it kept me sane (just).

I was always sure there'd be a couple of people in there judging and wished they could see the remaining 23.5 hours of the day. But alas. They can simply makes Mumsnet threads instead.

Oh look, another parent bashing thread where the OP casts her opinion and then disappears! Because we haven't had one of those in a few hours 😏

Personally, I can't get worked up about it. When I was a kid, parents ignored us whilst chatting to each other, or reading a book. I was often sent to play with other kids or by myself so DM could get 'a minutes peace'!
I, like most parents trying their best, attempt to stay off my phone and engage with DS as much as possible. However - phones are used for everything these days, and to say parents should be able to magically parent without looking at one is batshit 😂 I prefer to not judge parents doing their best, or parents taking a break, or parents indulging in a - good forbid - quick social media scroll. The only people I do judge are the ones making goady threads and pitting parents against each other.

Hmmmm if OP gets her wish then AIBU is done for.