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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I wasn't invited to my coworker's house warming party

229 replies

user1471867483 · 10/02/2025 09:27

Everyone in my office was invited except me. I live 30 miles away so really I couldn't have made it, but I would've bought him a house warming gift. He said he'd invite me, but I only knew he had the party just this weekend as everyone in the office is talking about it now and I can't join in as in the end I wasn't invited. I feel so embarrassed. He has the day off today. I feel rejected and left out. Am I being too sensitive? The others live nearer him (so maybe they could have made it there better than me) and one lives far away from him like I do, but he still he got invited 🤔

OP posts:
HereNext · 15/02/2025 07:13

Well, at least you have your answer as to why.

I wouldn't speak to him unless necessary, he's made it clear he thinks nothing of you.

Horrible man!

Original poster
user1471867483 · 15/02/2025 08:05

HereNext · 15/02/2025 07:13

Well, at least you have your answer as to why.

I wouldn't speak to him unless necessary, he's made it clear he thinks nothing of you.

Horrible man!

Believe me, that's it now. He shot himself in his own foot! His loss and problem now.

OP posts:
Janiie · 15/02/2025 08:36

user1471867483 · 14/02/2025 18:00

I was wondering possibly if he just doesn't like English people in general. You see, I'm the only English one in the office of 7 others and he did say the area he now has moved to is 'full of English people'. I really don't know 🤷. It's just an odd experience - something I have never experienced before. Maybe I'm overthinking it.

Well in which case it sounds like he is the one who has a problem with other's ethnicity.

If he is excluding you based on your skin colour that is obviously serious and you need to discuss it with your line manager.

LaundryPond · 15/02/2025 09:23

RampantIvy · 14/02/2025 15:46

So, you don't believe in fairness?
You think it is OK to tell someone that you are going to invite them to a party then invite everyone else except for that person.

Okaaay then.

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I certainly believe in fairness when it comes to, I don’t know, the judicial system, equal pay, civil rights, elections, etc. I just can’t imagine an actual adult getting bent out of shape over not being invited to a party they had no intention of going to.

RampantIvy · 15/02/2025 10:33

LaundryPond · 15/02/2025 09:23

I certainly believe in fairness when it comes to, I don’t know, the judicial system, equal pay, civil rights, elections, etc. I just can’t imagine an actual adult getting bent out of shape over not being invited to a party they had no intention of going to.

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I think you are missing the point that the OP was told that she would get an invitation. It's the principle of it all.

Original poster
user1471867483 · 15/02/2025 10:41

LaundryPond · 15/02/2025 09:23

I certainly believe in fairness when it comes to, I don’t know, the judicial system, equal pay, civil rights, elections, etc. I just can’t imagine an actual adult getting bent out of shape over not being invited to a party they had no intention of going to.

Show quote history

Thank you, but it's gone way beyond this now.

OP posts:
LittleRedRita · 15/02/2025 11:31

@Janiie "If he is excluding you based on your skin colour that is obviously serious and you need to discuss it with your line manager."

I doubt if that would fly.
If it was a work event, then maybe but it's a private function at his own house, so he can invite whoever he wants.

Original poster
user1471867483 · 16/02/2025 14:48

I forgot to say, a few weeks ago, he said I was a good soul, so I don't get exclusion 🤷.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471867483 · 18/02/2025 08:34

And then he brought in Indian sweets today for everyone to celebrate his house move even for those who couldn't make the invite and guess who was the only one who was missed?

OP posts:
EldonSq · 18/02/2025 08:48

user1471867483 · 18/02/2025 08:34

And then he brought in Indian sweets today for everyone to celebrate his house move even for those who couldn't make the invite and guess who was the only one who was missed?

Yes OP I see where you’re coming from. This happened time back in 2019 and even after I left work it still affected me - it’s only now with good, positive social experiences that I’ve managed to get over it. I didn’t want to go to the wedding and pre wedding drinks - and they knew that - my scenario was a wedding not house move - but I get you OP - that’s not the point is it?

I only really got over it happened recently when very good totally unconnected things happened in 2024 - met brand new people etc

Original poster
user1471867483 · 18/02/2025 08:57

EldonSq · 18/02/2025 08:48

Yes OP I see where you’re coming from. This happened time back in 2019 and even after I left work it still affected me - it’s only now with good, positive social experiences that I’ve managed to get over it. I didn’t want to go to the wedding and pre wedding drinks - and they knew that - my scenario was a wedding not house move - but I get you OP - that’s not the point is it?

I only really got over it happened recently when very good totally unconnected things happened in 2024 - met brand new people etc

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That's it. Not pleasant. Poor you. I'll get over it, but I must not let it bother me. Not that easy. He obviously dislikes me/intimidated by me. Like a few on here have said, no more favours for him/or help. I don't talk to him now unless it's to do with work and say good morning - that's it. I think the worse thing is, because of his poor grammar, I rewrote a statement he had to make regarding someone in our office building confronting him about his lack of ID badge or something lack that last summer and I offered my help and also taking his calls when he couldn't understand the people on the other end. No more Ms Nice Girl from me anymore. No way Jose.

OP posts:
MandyFriend · 18/02/2025 09:01

I think you need to speak to your boss about this situation, and nip it in the bud. It may appear petty, but I think it's best you make your boss aware of his behaviour towards you by detailing what has been happening and how it's potentially going to cause problems at work. The way things are now, I'd advise against saying something to him directly as he will likely gaslight you into thinking that you are imagining things.

Original poster
user1471867483 · 18/02/2025 09:04

MandyFriend · 18/02/2025 09:01

I think you need to speak to your boss about this situation, and nip it in the bud. It may appear petty, but I think it's best you make your boss aware of his behaviour towards you by detailing what has been happening and how it's potentially going to cause problems at work. The way things are now, I'd advise against saying something to him directly as he will likely gaslight you into thinking that you are imagining things.

Thank you. I'll have a good think about that.

OP posts:
Starstruck2020 · 18/02/2025 09:08

user1471867483 · 14/02/2025 18:00

I was wondering possibly if he just doesn't like English people in general. You see, I'm the only English one in the office of 7 others and he did say the area he now has moved to is 'full of English people'. I really don't know 🤷. It's just an odd experience - something I have never experienced before. Maybe I'm overthinking it.

I think that’s your answer. It’s probably not you personally but very cultural.

rude yes. Wrong yes. Says everything about him and nothing about you. My children go to a school which has a high proportion of children from another culture and the cliquienss is very obvious. I think they are completely unaware of how it feels as well.

I’d suggest try not to over ignore him as it just enhances and validates the rudeness to him probably. But don’t fall over yourself for him either

Original poster
user1471867483 · 18/02/2025 09:12

Starstruck2020 · 18/02/2025 09:08

I think that’s your answer. It’s probably not you personally but very cultural.

rude yes. Wrong yes. Says everything about him and nothing about you. My children go to a school which has a high proportion of children from another culture and the cliquienss is very obvious. I think they are completely unaware of how it feels as well.

I’d suggest try not to over ignore him as it just enhances and validates the rudeness to him probably. But don’t fall over yourself for him either

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Thank you very much. I actually can't really be bothered with him anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471867483 · 18/02/2025 09:15

Starstruck2020 · 18/02/2025 09:08

I think that’s your answer. It’s probably not you personally but very cultural.

rude yes. Wrong yes. Says everything about him and nothing about you. My children go to a school which has a high proportion of children from another culture and the cliquienss is very obvious. I think they are completely unaware of how it feels as well.

I’d suggest try not to over ignore him as it just enhances and validates the rudeness to him probably. But don’t fall over yourself for him either

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I went to a diverse school as well (both junior and senior) and I actually loved it, but like you say I think it's more his problem than mine. He hasn't been in this country longer than three years either.

OP posts:
Starstruck2020 · 18/02/2025 09:24

user1471867483 · 18/02/2025 09:15

I went to a diverse school as well (both junior and senior) and I actually loved it, but like you say I think it's more his problem than mine. He hasn't been in this country longer than three years either.

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From his perspective it might also be frowned up to invite a single white female (I presume your female), especially if there is no one to “escort” you so he may have felt it wasn’t “proper”.

I’m glad you are no longer bothered

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 18/02/2025 09:24

Bringing sweets into the workplace and sharing them with everyone but you is definitely a workplace issue I think.

Did anyone else notice?

Original poster
user1471867483 · 18/02/2025 09:25

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 18/02/2025 09:24

Bringing sweets into the workplace and sharing them with everyone but you is definitely a workplace issue I think.

Did anyone else notice?

If they have, they haven't said anything to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471867483 · 18/02/2025 09:27

Starstruck2020 · 18/02/2025 09:24

From his perspective it might also be frowned up to invite a single white female (I presume your female), especially if there is no one to “escort” you so he may have felt it wasn’t “proper”.

I’m glad you are no longer bothered

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Could be. I'm exactly what you say - a single, white female and blonde! But then another woman was invited from another office and she's not married 🤔

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471867483 · 18/02/2025 09:29

Starstruck2020 · 18/02/2025 09:24

From his perspective it might also be frowned up to invite a single white female (I presume your female), especially if there is no one to “escort” you so he may have felt it wasn’t “proper”.

I’m glad you are no longer bothered

Show quote history

I wouldn't exactly say I'm no longer bothered, it's him I can't be bothered with. It's the situation itself that isn't very nice, especially when I've done nothing but be nice and he did say to me a few weeks ago that I'm a good soul - so I just don't get it.

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 18/02/2025 09:33

Ellie1015 · 10/02/2025 14:13

What did he say when he said he would invite you? In my circle that is the invite. (Unless he didn't give date).

Yes ...you had the invite. That was it.... Didn't you say "still on for tomorrow"? What's the address?

Maybe he didn't give you a sweet because he thinks you ignored the party?

Alalalala · 18/02/2025 09:35

@user1471867483 I think this sort of blatant and deliberate exclusion is something you could mention to HR. It’s a form of bullying which is not ok in the workplace or anywhere else.

What a nasty little man.

Original poster
user1471867483 · 18/02/2025 09:36

Alalalala · 18/02/2025 09:35

@user1471867483 I think this sort of blatant and deliberate exclusion is something you could mention to HR. It’s a form of bullying which is not ok in the workplace or anywhere else.

What a nasty little man.

Totally agree.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471867483 · 18/02/2025 09:37

Maddy70 · 18/02/2025 09:33

Yes ...you had the invite. That was it.... Didn't you say "still on for tomorrow"? What's the address?

Maybe he didn't give you a sweet because he thinks you ignored the party?

Edited
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He gave out the invites physically. It wasn't word of mouth.

OP posts:
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