I wasn't invited to my coworker's house warming party

[user1471867483]

Everyone in my office was invited except me. I live 30 miles away so really I couldn't have made it, but I would've bought him a house warming gift. He said he'd invite me, but I only knew he had the party just this weekend as everyone in the office is talking about it now and I can't join in as in the end I wasn't invited. I feel so embarrassed. He has the day off today. I feel rejected and left out. Am I being too sensitive? The others live nearer him (so maybe they could have made it there better than me) and one lives far away from him like I do, but he still he got invited 🤔

I deduce the constant “Woe is Me” is exactly why someone wouldn’t want her at a party..

Thank you to you all for taking the time to read and reply. I've learnt a lot. I really appreciate it. 🤗

Helping someone out because other people can't understand their accent is not being racist, nor is observing that they have some unpalatable habits.

Just ignore it. Thank you anyway 🤗

No idea 🤷

That’s not why people like people. They may be grateful for the help but it’s not transactional. You can’t buy people’s friendship by being nice.

Especially at work, where it would really go against your actual job to see a coworker struggling and just ignore them!

That should be a sticky on all friendship-related threads on Mn, because it seems to be one of the most widespread misunderstandings on here. So many threads feature ‘I run around after everyone, I’m always ready to help out/be a shoulder to cry on, I’m always ‘checking in’, so why don’t I have any friends?’

Because friendship is ultimately about liking someone and wanting their company, not how much ‘help’ someone offers. Even leaving aside whether it’s fair not to invite one colleague for a minute, bringing a colleague in a free paper does not translate into them wanting your company outside of work. It’s a false equation. Nor, if the colleague regularly helped out the OP with her work, does this mean she has to pursue an out of work friendship if she’s not so inclined.

The transactional attitude to friendship is also so disingenuous that people are actively put off when they sense it.

The absolute holier-than-thou attitude of some posters.

Good for you never having a negative thought in your head about another person, well done, I hope you feel so much better for that. Round of applause for you!

As for this: Then that’s something you need to deal with off your own bat, rather than blaming a colleague for not issuing a token invitation you to an event you were never planning to attend! @LaundryPond good for you that you're so hard-faced that being the only person to not be invited wouldn't bother you in the slightest, I mean truly, good for you. I hope being completely logical in all your interactions and not having any sort of feeling continues to work for you in the future.

Yes I'm in an arsey mood today, but seriously, reading some of these posts it's like we're dealing with wooden dolls, not human beings with complex feelings and different personalities - not to mention that some don't seem to understand the difference between sharing an opinion anonymously on an online forum and saying it out loud to the person it's about.

There's nothing 'hard-faced' about not worrying about not having been invited to a party you were never going to go to, though. The OP is boohooing about feeling left out because her coworkers were talking about it, but that would have been the case anyway.

Also, some people will always dislike you, just as there are inevitably some people you don't like. It's not necessary to have a full-blown identity crisis about it!

You don't.
He's an ass hole and I'd of been annoyed to.

It's still a bit off to tell someone you are going to invite them to a party then deliberately make them the only one not invited.

Well, quite, I'm sure @Estampie - except you have omitted the fact that they were the only one not invited. Even a person who lives as far away as she does was invited!

Don't think I mentioned anything about people liking me, or OP, or whoever - I agree. Not everyone is going to like you. But, like others, you're ignoring the social norm that you don't invite everyone apart from one person to an event - I guess unless you're signalling that you really don't like them and want them to know it. Which is even worse form at work, way to foster a shitty atmosphere.

Also - OP isn't 'boohooing' (although nice of you to completely invalidate her feelings) - she's embarrassed because this dude at work has made it clear he doesn't even think enough of her to offer a token invitation where everyone else was invited.

Thank kindly for your updates 😍

I can’t believe he laughed. This sort of thing would have me distancing from them all go be honest. I would keep everything to work only and keep any conversations about myself private and vague.

That's exactly what I'm doing. No more favours.

I can’t believe he was so blatant about it.

Watch him, and don’t let him get away with this at work. Isn’t it workplace exclusion, or not as it wasn’t a work event?

Be busy with your own work from now on.

Yes it is a bit off, so off that there must be a reason for it other than the food. If i was the op I'd talk to friends af work to try and find out what that real reason may be.

That's just silly. Mn is obsessed with a weird, childlike 'fairness', las the whole world consists of compulsory whole-class parties for six year olds so, and the OP is a Reception aged child crying because the teacher didn't hand her an invitation. For whatever reason, her colleague didn't invite her. As she doesn't appear to like him much, surely it's hardly surprising if he doesn't want her company out of work hours? Whatever the reason, it's hardly worth a second thought.

Hardly workplace exclusion, no one is ever under any legal obligation to invite a/every coworker into their own home.

So, you don't believe in fairness?
You think it is OK to tell someone that you are going to invite them to a party then invite everyone else except for that person.

Okaaay then.

I was wondering possibly if he just doesn't like English people in general. You see, I'm the only English one in the office of 7 others and he did say the area he now has moved to is 'full of English people'. I really don't know 🤷. It's just an odd experience - something I have never experienced before. Maybe I'm overthinking it.

God he sounds like a twat.
A twat who doesn't wash himself either.