Tutor canceled lessons!

[grassisgreener2015]

AIBU to think our (now ex) tutor has behaved unreasonably?

Our 11 plus tutor charges monthly in advance and I stupidly forgot to pay for February's lessons on time. She did remind me once about the invoice but it just slipped my mind as it's been a really busy few weeks.

We turned up for our lesson on Friday and she actually turned us away and had arranged for another family to take our place! I feel really embarrassed as the other family are from our school and they were there when she sent us away.

We've been having lessons since September and I've only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons and we're really pleased with our child's progress.

I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

Such a shame.

😂

it seems so wrong for her to be punishing a child for my small mistake

How do you feel about all the children who will be disadvantaged at the 11+ because their parents can’t afford a tutor in the first place?

She's not unkind or impatient. She's trying to make a living. If you don't pay on time, you should expect her to withdraw her services. If she's already replaced you, she probably has a waiting list.

The fact that your child no longer has a tutor is on you - not her. Take responsibility and pay on time in future!

This is like the childminder thread all over again where the op didn't respond to the invoice 'because Christmas' and ended up losing their child's place a week before going back to work from mat leave. They too were entitled and unreasonable.

Op, if tutoring for the 11 plus is so important then you should have prioritised paying. It's you who has disadvantaged your child, not the tutor. Did you really expect them to hold your place indefinitely with no payment? This is their livelihood. I bet you get paid on time don't you?

Good 11+ tutors have a waiting list. It is becoming harderto get in person tutors too as many turned to online tutoring in the pandemic and never went back to in person tuition. She ought to have been clear at the start though (if she wasn’t) as to the consequences of late payment. She is self employed running a business rather than an employee expecting her wages on a set day and it is more common for businesses to have to chase up payment of invoices. She is entitled to ditch you though unless she had made a commitment to continue until the exams (unlikely) or taken payment in advance (but if you paid too late she can refuse to accept it but must refund it).

I think though that having you turn up before turning you away in front of a friend from school was unnecessary punishment, designed to embarrass you and emphasise what you have lost. I guess she knows her worth and is ruthless about ditching the poorer payers and you have been on the receiving end of that.

You have learned too late that if you wanted this tutor you needed to jump to her tune. You should still ve able to get an 11+ tutors but may need to go through agencies to widen the search/speed up the process which will likely cost you considerably more. You might need to accept an online tutoring in too.

i have just lost our 11+ tutor because she has unexpectedly taken a fulltime job and can now only tutor late evenings which won’t work for my nine year old. I am now only finding online tutors available at short notice at this time, having previously carefully planned and timed the booking of a tutor. So these things can happen, unfortunately, and you just have to make the best of it. Hopefully you will find some good alternative choices of tutor.

As a former tutor, the things that really annoyed me were-

-Late payments
-Picking up late (I always had pupils back to back)
-Expecting refunds (I stopped this) if their child couldn't come because they had a party or something 'social' after school.

Like 'this' tutor I had to tighten up over the years mainly because of the very few parents who took liberties and didn't value my time.

When I was tutoring, my own DCs were at uni, I was paying rent for them and tuition fees. Tutoring was my job, not a hobby.

99% of parents were lovely, bought me gifts, kept in touch afterwards, some came to me for years. But there was the 1% like OP.

I’ve seen a very similar post about either violin or piano lessons - don’t know if it is the same poster or there are a lot with similar attitudes out there

Why are you being so unpleasant about the tutor, saying that she isn't fit to be working with children?

You are still casting aspersions on her, saying that she is no longer a class teacher because she wasn't more understanding.

Why didn't you pay the fees as soon as you received the reminder? It's a two minute job. You obviously don't see her as an equal, a professional that is owed prompt payment for a service that she has delivered. Your arrogance shines through your posts.

Your attitude is absolutely dreadful. You should hope that the tutors in your area don't discuss their problem clients with each other, otherwise you might find it difficult to find another tutor to take you on.

She's not remotely 'unkind and impatient'

YOU are refusing to take personal responsibility

And your insinuations that she's not a class teacher because of not being kind enough are grotesque !

She has bills to pay every month, just like the rest of us - how long exactly DO YOU think she should wait to pay her mortgage because YOU HAVENT PAID

You're not bestowing money on her out of your largesse, you're paying for a service !

In 5 months you have paid late twice - 40% lateness and the second time so late you didn’t even respond to her chasing email.

i work freelance and invoicing is a pain - getting money in on time to pay her bills is a necessity and a requirement not an option.

you have caused this not her

You're a busy working Mum ...I'm sure you would be perfectly happy if your wages dept forgot to pay you on time!

Tutors sometimes do share information, like they pass pupils onto each other if they're full.

Working with children …. This comment cuts both ways!

Tutor could think: can’t believe parent would not pay for her CHILD’s tutoring. Neglectful!!

You needed to have an ongoing friendly dialog and not ignore her late pay requests. It’s her JOB, can you imagine getting paid late or just not knowing when.

You’ve learned a lesson. And next time set up an automatic payment, or pay a block in advance.

It's a pity the tutor isn't more understanding but maybe that's why she's no longer a class teacher.

She is probably no longer a class teacher because she got fed up of parents like you and has decided that setting her own boundaries work far better for her.
Good on her.

Teacher here. She’s probably not a classroom teacher anymore because she got sick of having to deal with godawful parents and so would rather pick and choose which ones she deals with.

YABU, I used to work as a tutor and you need to understand this is someone’s job which pays the bills. Your responses to past posters seem to indicate that you don’t understand why you’re being unreasonable, despite nearly everyone saying so!! I used to cut people who were too much hassle, wouldn’t be surprised if this was the case here.

During a six month period you’ve paid late twice. Would you think it’s acceptable to pay your rent or mortgage late twice in six months and expect no repercussions? You’ve proven yourself to be unreliable and a risk to her income so she’s replaced you with someone who offers her a better chance at financial stability.

If your child sitting the 11+ exams and doing successfully is important to you then you need to behave as such and prioritise it. Lots of people are busy working parents, carers, disabled or even adults with no dependents and yet we still manage to stick to our contracts and pay for our services. Set up a standing order and learn to be reliable. You are rude and entitled.

I call reverse. No one is this dense AND entitled.

It’s awful being self employed. You make a budget, you get clients, you’re on track but then people forget to pay you. It’s one of the reasons I much prefer being a PAYE and my salary hits my account every month.

You made 3 mistakes.

So because she's not a doormat and stood by her terms and conditions, stated that if the invoice wasn't paid she'd cancel, it's the reason she isn't a teacher anymore!
You have some balls on you, to blame her for your repeated mistakes!
She's probably not a teacher anymore because she's fed up of entitled "busy working mums" but couldn't say anything in school, now she can professionally tell you to fuck off by cancelling.
All parents are busy whether they work full time, part time, sahm whatever they're all busy, but others made sure they paid for the service. You did not, it's all on you. How entitled are you to blame your issue on her! Blows my mind.

sadly many parents are!

If it was going to be a regular payment why didn't you set up a standing order?

I'm glad we don't live in a grammar area.

Accept that you were wrong, and stop making nasty remarks about the tutor. It says a lot about you.

She sounds very professional. She is obviously very busy herself.
Email is enough . You should have paid on time.
They will have bills to pay. They can't just hope you will pay based on knowing you since September.
It's you who have been unreasonable.

I wouldn't show up to the gym expecting to go in if I had forgotten to pay . Or anything else that requires payment .
Why is this person any different?
Your child's education is your responsibility. Don't try to tarnish this person as being unsuitable to work with children based on your mistake

Yes, my friends daughter teaches piano lessons.
She had a family of three children that were constantly late paying.
They owed her for the previous year and contacted about the new year last august.
She told them they needed to settle up before she could consider booking in.
They eventually paid a few days before the new year started.

She told them she was now fully booked and all terms were pre pay only.
She said she will NEVER be burned again chasing people for money.
The mother was very upset and she was blocked after the first rude text.
No pay, no lessons.