Tutor canceled lessons!

[grassisgreener2015]

AIBU to think our (now ex) tutor has behaved unreasonably?

Our 11 plus tutor charges monthly in advance and I stupidly forgot to pay for February's lessons on time. She did remind me once about the invoice but it just slipped my mind as it's been a really busy few weeks.

We turned up for our lesson on Friday and she actually turned us away and had arranged for another family to take our place! I feel really embarrassed as the other family are from our school and they were there when she sent us away.

We've been having lessons since September and I've only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons and we're really pleased with our child's progress.

I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

You had an agreement. Tutor provided lessons, you paid for their time. You didn't abide by your side so there are consequences

This why I gave up tutoring!
More parents than not paid late or messed around. My income became totally unreliable. Many parents did just ghost as a way of ending the arrangement! So another reason to cancel for this tutor. Weirdly some who have done this have then contacted me to tutor younger siblings, or recommended me to friends after ghosting. No awareness of why I may not to provide tutoring for them again or seek their recommendations.

Agree with everything you said and I can attest to the last part being true. I used to work as a tutor, all of us in the area would share tabs on students who would best be avoided. Mainly due to issues about payment, rude parents etc.

It was almost as if we were doing each other a favour as there were some awful instances of CF’s and terrible behaviour like OP

Surely you can see that the way she deals with parents who don't pay on time, or when reminded, for their tutorial sessions is probably FAR different to the way she interacts with the children she teaches, though, @grassisgreener2015? Presumably your child has never complained about her being cruel and unpleasant during the sessions.

And to suggest this is why she left teaching is naive at best - it is probably far more to do with having to deal with too much admin, too much red tape, an impossibly big workload, too many badly behaved children and too many entitled parents. Teachers are leaving in droves. Or maybe she just wanted to be able to set her own schedule, and work from home.

It’s actually terrifying.

I think this is a lesson to you . You disadvantaged your child by not paying on time .

I don’t think because she works with children her bills matter less z chasing payments is a ballache ..

She owes you nothing .

So…you were invoiced, didn’t pay, got a reminder, still didn’t pay. How is this anything but your own fault?!

This is a reverse or a wind up. No one could actually be so dim or socially unaware as to think that it's unacceptable for a tutor to cancel when they've been late paying for a third of the time and have cancelled at least some lessons out of only 20 or so.

You're making her reasons personal. They're not.
She needs to be paid and you've messed up twice.
She's reminded you, and you forgot.
If this was in the workplace, and you didn't do something, even after your boss reminded you, they're would be repercussions.
The sensible, mature thing to do would be:
Apologise profusely, see if they're is anodyne available time slot for tutorials and if so, see if you can pay by direct debit, or advance payment.
Your child is one of many she teaches- it isn't her job to keep issuing reminders to you or any other parents.

You said you're a busy working parent- so put a reminder in your diary to pay the tutor. The tutor is a busy worker too.

Oh they can be!

I can think of one parent who would behave just like the OP.

If this is real, I really despair at the lack of self-awareness and entitlement of some people.

If you want a service, you have to pay for it. And if you don’t want to bother paying for it on time, at least read the Ts & Cs so when it’s cancelled, your not left gaping like a fish on the doorstep.

You've paid late twice and cancelled a 'few' lesson and you think they are unreasonable. What if you were paid late twice since September- would that be ok or would you be complaining you have bills to pay and need to be able to rely on your salary?

To you it's a minor thing to forget to pay. To her, your failure to pay could be the difference between her being able to pay her mortgage this month or being able to feed her family or meet her friends for a drink. She's not tutoring for the love of it, she's tutoring because she needs the money.

I’m a private tutor, and I’m sick to the back teeth of this kind of attitude.

First of all, asserting that if she were kind and patient she’d put up with your nonsense is manipulation 101. We’ve met your type before, so miss us with it.

Second, bemoaning being justly punted from her lists by saying she’s not good enough to be a class teacher anyway is giving those horrible men who call women ugly slags when they refuse their advances vibes. It’s petulant and gross. She’s not going to take you back if you call her names. She’s ‘booked and blessed’. She doesn’t have to prove anything to you. You need her more than she needs you.

It’s not her on to remind you about anything. She’s your child’s tutor, not your PA. She’s not paid for the extra admin of having to remind clients to pay up. Given that you already had form, I would have booked someone else in too. She’s clearly in-demand enough to not have to tolerate being treated with contempt by parents who are apparently so busy they can’t even put ‘pay tutor’ in the calendar on their phone (I mean give me a break!).

How funny that you didn’t remember to pay her as soon as you remembered it was little Jimmy’s tutor night. But that’s the thing, isn’t it? You DID remember. You just deprioritised it because you thought she wouldn’t kick up a fuss. What you’re really angry about here is that she’s turned out not to be a complete doormat. You thought you could turn up with your kid in tow giving it puppy dog eyes and she’d never have the balls to refuse you. And then that would further embolden you to take the piss in future.

For what it’s worth, I’ve never been a class teacher. That’s sort of the point of becoming a one-on-one tutor - I didn’t WANT to be a class teacher. I do, however, have a PhD in my subject, a full roster and zero time for this kind of bollocks. Neither does she. She’s handled this just fine. I’m proud of her.

IT’S YOUR FAULT!! How on earth do you not realise this? YOU cancelled the lessons by not paying, not her. You’re the unkind one, expecting someone to work for free. You’re the one who’s disadvantaged your child. You. Not anyone else. You. I hope you have grovellingly and humbly apologised to your child for the effect this could have on their future.

PS Op, I am somewhat sympathetic. If you are really busy and the tutor’s invoice doesn’t come on a set day and the amount can vary month to month it doesn’t really work to set up a direct debit /standing order. It can be easy to miss the invoice first time if it arrives on a busy day. As I said though I think the tutor knows her worth and takes a ruthless approach, being selective who she keeps as tutees. Notably by having you arrive and be turned away when a school friend was there sent a strong message to the other family as to the consequences of forgetting to pay on time which served a purpose for her. Good luck in your seach for a tutor. There is still plentyof time until 11+ so you should be OK.

I think with some parents (very few) they make a judgment if you're working from your home. As if it's not 'real' work.

I worked from my home because I could see more pupils than if I were to drive between them all. I taught 3- 4 a day all week from 3 -6pm.

The downside is that you have wear and tear on your home and overheads.

You have to devote a room to the lessons, you sometimes have to clean the loo after they've used it, (TMI!) change the towel etc, make sure the heating's on for them, provide a drink (if they don't have a water bottle) buy paper and ink to print worksheets, buy books or materials.

The fee has to cover all of this.

Maybe that’s why she is no longer a class teacher???? Seriously, get over yourself! I’m a tutor and would prefer not to have parents like you.

But you did expect them for free! You hadn't paid her but you turned up on her doorstep anyway expecting your child to still be tutored that day!

You didn't pay.

Of course this doesn't mean they're unsuitable for working with children - and if so, why are you so annoyed? Surely you'd actually think you had a lucky escape?

The entitlement here is off the charts.

You are being so unreasonable it's unbelievable. Invoices are issued in advance (to avoid CFs not paying!). You received the invoice and didn't pay. You received a reminder, which stated that lessons would be cancelled if you didn't pay, and you still didn't pay. You turned up at the old lesson, STILL not having paid! And yet you are suprised the tutor didn't teach your child then and there?!

The tutor is running a business, not a charity offering freebies. There is absolutely nothing about the tutor's behaviour you have described that suggests they are in any way impatient, rude or unfit to work with children. You are completely wrong to throw around potentially career damaging accusations like this. They don't want you as a customer because you don't pay. It's as simple as that. There's no reason a business should offer you interest free credit which is, in effect, what you are demanding.

You've only been there since September and this is the second time you've paid late and you've cancelled some lessons - I'd have replaced you too.

Good tutors are hard to get, they expect to be paid promptly and for you to be committed.

Tough, you didn’t pay so your child doesn’t get to go 🤷‍♀️ Maybe you’ll learn your lesson for next time. This is her living for goodness sakes, she can’t hang about for you to pay so that she can buy food. I’m sure you’d be kicking off at work if they didn’t pay you. You sound very entitled.

Did you not feel embarrassed that you turned up for something you had not paid for? Like taking a cream cake from the bakers and not paying.
Even as you were going to the lesson did you not remember that you hadn't paid? The tutor is right to turn you away and not have contacted you either. Why should she have?

99% YABU.... 'nuff said!