Tutor canceled lessons!

[grassisgreener2015]

AIBU to think our (now ex) tutor has behaved unreasonably?

Our 11 plus tutor charges monthly in advance and I stupidly forgot to pay for February's lessons on time. She did remind me once about the invoice but it just slipped my mind as it's been a really busy few weeks.

We turned up for our lesson on Friday and she actually turned us away and had arranged for another family to take our place! I feel really embarrassed as the other family are from our school and they were there when she sent us away.

We've been having lessons since September and I've only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons and we're really pleased with our child's progress.

I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

Goodness me OP. You are being so entitled.

She’s clearly a great tutor from what you’ve said and to now call her unkind and saying she shouldn’t be working with children because you didn’t pay her is awful! She’s no doubt got a long waiting list and hasn’t got time to send you additional personal messages. Do you think you are extra special?

You didn’t pay her despite a reminder. Take some responsibility - she owes you nothing and if your child is now falling behind then it’s your fault!

Seriously, this type of moaning, complaining and entitled thread really is the worst. 🙄

The alternative is that you expected her to turn down paid work, in the hope you turned up for your unpaid slot.

I can understand why it’s frustrating, lives are busy. But reoccurring payments are a thing. You could’ve prioritised your child’s tutoring, but you didn’t. And you still expect the tutor to. If something is important to me, I prioritise it. You can send yourself a timed text message these days to say ‘pay tutor fees’ so it’s very easy to better manage your priorities.

We all know how underpaid teachers are, and how they depend on the extra income. I’m afraid to say your expectations are completely unreasonable.

Have I just found my first reverse ??

But on the other hand she has to pay her bills, feed her family, she’s not an interest free bank. You’ve probably massively inconvenienced her, she probably lives paycheck to paycheck through the colc. Send her a heartfelt written apology and ask to be put back on her list if she’s good. She needs to know you value and respect her. Otherwise you may have blown it I think.

She isn't unkind or impatient.

You are rude and entitled.

Did you want her to beg you?! Pay your fucking bills next time, and don't take people for granted.

a pity the tutor isn't more understanding? really? what is he/she supposed to live on whilst being understanding? fresh air?

@grassisgreener2015 OP in your banking, there is a standing order facility!! this is for you to ENSURE payments are made in a timeously manner! YOU set it up!!

How would you feel if your job 'forgot' to pay you? And then expected you to carry on working just the same. Perhaps you would just go and get another job, particularly if it was the second time in 6 months.

You royally messed up. Own it. She's obviously highly sought after which is probably an indication of how good she is. She does not need you anywhere near as much as you need her.

The tutor applies strict boundaries because of parents like you, who feel so superior and entitled that "it's ok to pay late twice in 6 months". Good on her!
You're lucky she doesn't charge you for the notice period as she is probably entitled to it in her contract.

The only person who failed your daughter is you. But, somehow, I don't think you'll learn anything from this unfortunately.

I'm sorry but it is her income. She hasn't been unreasonable withdrawing her services as you haven't paid her
If someone ordered something from you and they didn't pay even though you sent them an invoice and then reminded them about payment you wouldn't send the goods . Instead if someone else ordered and paid for them you would send them to them instead. The tutor hasn't done anything differently.

Yeah I’m on the aside of the tutor for this one! I wish I had the courage to be that strong and resolute.

I pay for my children’s activities. I always pay on time. I always am flexible if they need to ever move things about and I expect them to be flexible on occasion too. I’ve never had any issues. One teacher occasiaonally gives my kids longer lessons as he says in his best client as I always pay on time and he wants to keep me sweet! Some of his clients take months to pay him and he’s torn between wanting to be paid and not letting the kids down. That’s why I admire this tutor for taking a firm stand.

i always pay the second I receive an invoice for this reason as I can be quite forgetful. I see it and pay it. I would set up a standing order if it is a regular amount every month or simply pay upfront for 6 months if it was that important.

You are ferociously entitled. You didn’t pay on time for 1/3 of the time your child was receiving lessons, he skipped classes because you were too busy (so you weren’t prioritising them) which is a pain in the neck, and then you harangue her via email to accept him back as a special favour. Even with the payment aside I can’t imagine she’d want to have any further dealings with you. You treat good tutors like you treat good dentists - unless you are literally dead you show up prepared and you pay on time.

Whilst the tutor should have told you the lesson was cancelled she is perfectly reasonable to have done so.

You should’ve paid, you were reminded but you still didnt pay!

You are massively unreasonable.

You say you work

Does your boss pay you on time ?

How would you feel if he didn't ?

Your former tutor is neither unkind or impatient. She's a woman trying to earn a living and pay her bills, which she can't do if her students' parents don't pay her invoices on time (or, in at least one of your cases, at all!). She hasn't left your child with no tutor, you have! Both your posts reek of entitlement (I'm imagining Amandaland) and trying to shift the blame for your "small" mistake to the tutor and smear her reputation by suggesting she "should not be working with children" is disgusting. Is online banking so beyond you that you couldn't have set up a direct debit to pay her on time every month so you didn't have to remember or be reminded? If eight pages of comments ripping you a new one don't convince you how wrong you are, hopefully the 99% vote for YABU will. 🙄

She should have told you she’d cancelled. But she wasn’t wrong to cancel.

You clearly don't accept that you made a mistake because as soon as you admit as much you follow up with this delightful comment
"It's a pity the tutor isn't more understanding but maybe that's why she's no longer a class teacher."
Whether she is a class teacher or not is nothing whatsoever with the situation of your making.
"I do understand that she has bills to pay"
Do you? Do you really?? Because (and I hate starting a sentence with the word because), if you understood that she has bills to pay, your invoice was one of those that needing paying so that she could actually continue to pay her bills.
"I wasn't planning to never pay the invoice"
Based on your past history of late payments and also not showing up for some tutor sessions, she wasn't to know that. She isn't a clairvoyant.
"I'm not a thief and i wasnt expecting lessons for free!"
That wouldn't have happened anyway.
"I do accept she won't be continuing with us though. Such a shame."
You don't actually get it after all - YOU won't be continuing with HER. That's the situation you find yourself in right now and it's 100% of your making.

I’m actually flabbergasted by your sense of entitlement. If your employer or clients didn’t pay you, I’m sure you’d be jumping up and down. Why is she any different. And the fact so many people disagree with you and you’re still bad mouthing her says more about you. I’m cringing for your lack of self awareness. Plenty of people work full time with kids and pay bills, especially when they’ve been reminded.

Take it as a life lesson. Find another tutor, move on, and pay on time, having respect for others businesses.

This is brilliant!

I think I might go and do a full shop at Tesco later and just walk out without paying, after all it’s not theft if I pay at some point and if they want me to pay I should get a personalised text right?

seems like an efficient system because you finally noticed you didn't pay!

ve only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons
maybe treat the next tutor with more respect?

It's astonishing that you are not remotely sorry or accepting any blame, and you think someone working "with children" should accommodate any nonsense from adults.

It's a pity the tutor isn't more understanding but maybe that's why she's no longer a class teacher. just wow.

You know it' s your own child who will suffer the embarrassment in all that? Maybe make an effort when it's directly related to them?

She probably can’t afford to be understanding of people who forget to pay. It’s her literal income.

Yes, I can now see that her email reminder did say that if the invoice was not paid, lessons would be cancelled but I'd still expect a more personal text or phonecall before actually replacing us bearing in mind we've been with her since September!

That’s only four months or so. 😬

The tutor followed the procedure in her T&C that the OP signed. She shouldn't have done anything differently.

The fact you turned up to the lesson without paying is rude. Even if you had forgotten, surely on the day you would have remembered and hurriedly paid beforehand. She works with children but she is not Mary Poppins! She still has a mortgage/rent/bills to pay. She can hardly say to others 'well I am intending to pay my bills but not yet'. If you hadn't paid by Friday, she assumed you weren't turning up. It's quite common for clients to just decide to stop and not inform the person, and then she would have been down money. I also think it's cheeky asking her to squeeze you in, although asking for cancellations is fair enough.

@grassisgreener2015
She's left our child with no tutor and they're now disadvantaged compared to their friends (grammar area). They are so keen to take the 11 plus and it seems so wrong for her to be punishing a child for my small mistake.

No, YOU left your child without a tutor. YOU disadvantaged your child. YOU are punishing your child by not caring enough to make sure you paid your bill that the tutor kindly even reminded you about!