Tutor canceled lessons!

[grassisgreener2015]

AIBU to think our (now ex) tutor has behaved unreasonably?

Our 11 plus tutor charges monthly in advance and I stupidly forgot to pay for February's lessons on time. She did remind me once about the invoice but it just slipped my mind as it's been a really busy few weeks.

We turned up for our lesson on Friday and she actually turned us away and had arranged for another family to take our place! I feel really embarrassed as the other family are from our school and they were there when she sent us away.

We've been having lessons since September and I've only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons and we're really pleased with our child's progress.

I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

I fucking hope she sees this thread and sees how you’ve spoken about her. “Money orientated” “earns more then me”

Notice how you were so busy being the hero and swooping in to focus on children’s needs that you didn’t focus on your own child’s and bother paying the tutor that’s so fantastic and has helped your child. Your attitude is shit.

You cancelled the lessons yourself by stupidly forgetting to pay despite a reminder. She just read the facts as they stood and found someone else to take the empty slot.

Is it just me who is wondering about the views of the 2% of poll respondents who indicated that the OP was not being unreasonable?

I always think, in situations like this, that some people have voted the wrong way by accident.

yeah, that makes sense.

Good grief! How are you STILL not getting it?

I think working in a school, I'm so focused on being child centered and concentrating on the child's needs that I hadn't seen it from the point of view that the tutor is more money oriented.

You aren’t child centered! Not with regard to your own child anyway. You didn’t pay for your child’s tuition. So your child lost out. The tutor isn’t providing a free service for children, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t child centered. Sounds like she does a great job with the children. But she isn’t a charity.

I really hope she refuses to accept your apology, your attitude absolutely sucks.

So you pay monthly in advance, and you've been late twice since September? so 1/3rd of your payments have been late?

From your tutors point of view - if they have 20 families they tutor and each one fails to pay and needs chased up that is a ball ache and time consuming. It’s no different than if your employer paid you late. You wouldn’t be happy. Like all of us the tutor probably has direct debits etc and a mortgage to pay so you were inconsiderate and inconvenienced them. Learn from this and find a new tutor and set up a direct debit so you don’t have to remember to pay them and they can rely on you paying in a timely and regular manner.

You’re rude for not paying someone on time. People rely on wages to survive. Good on them for not accepting this behaviour.

I think that must be somebody who accidentally pressed the wrong button!

Cripes. You are coming across as very self focused. Your posts about the tutor are dripping with scorn: underhand digs about her not being child focused (like you!) and being concerned more with money. How much more she earns than you etc. Really unnecessary and do not show you in a good light!

And you say you accept your mistake and accept her decision, but you don’t at all. You’ve tried to persuade her to give you a cancellation, you’re going to take flowers round and give her a “proper apology” but actually only because you’re going to try and get her to reinstate the lessons. You haven’t accepted her decision or you would be graciously leaving the poor woman in peace. She’s not emailed you back for obvious reasons. But you won’t take the hint.

You keep saying “I’m just a busy working mum!” and trying to excuse your behaviour instead of being genuinely sorry. Cancelling lessons (only a few times) isn’t OK. Forgetting to pay once is forgiveable but twice, and even after a reminder, isn’t OK. You’re clearly behaving like a pain in ass.

As you say there is a shortage of good tutors available. So why would this tutor need your business? You need to stop making excuses. Stop trying to badger the tutor to give your child lessons. Stop making veiled digs about her character. She isn’t “punishing your child”. You screwed up. More than once. And she has more responsible clients who can take your place.

Not sure how bringing flowers will help. The tutor has (understandably) given the slot to someone else. What do you expect her to do? Tell that new pupil to bugger off?

Parental attitudes and behaviours are one of the reasons why so many teachers are leaving the profession. One of the beauties of tutoring is that they then get to decide which of the parents they have to deal with.

And crucially, they don't have to deal with parents like the OP.

Given OP didn't pay attention to the reminder invoice to understand the cancellation terms, I'm guessing she's also not read most of our replies — or not read them carefully enough that the feedback starts to sink in.

Oh yes, I wouldn't usually be as blunt. But as the OP seems to have the room-reading abilities of a government minister I felt the directness was warranted :)

Oh wow. 'More money oriented'??? Are you for real!

And you think you're more 'child centred' then she is ... yet then go on to describe the numerous ways the tutor's set up is 100% child-centred and perfect for children like your child.

You've learned nothing from this thread and I suspect the tutor sees your disdain for her. Tone deaf would be an understatement.

Makes sense but not as interesting

I would normally take round flowers)chocolates etc to a tutor when leaving them to thank them for their service. You cannot use flowers to bribe the tutor for a place

Or for a Christmas gift. To show appreciation.

I will be apologizing to the tutor properly. I think I'll pop round with some flowers and see if I can persuade her to give us another chance

Why?

You're not bringing her flowers because you're genuinely upset. You think she's unreasonable. You're doing it because you've fucked up your child's opportunity, and you're realising actions (or lack thereof) have consequences.

Bringing her flowers is ridiculous. You should have paid your invoices. That would have shown real appreciation.

Taking her flowers would be really patronising IMHO. Just find a new tutor and pay on time. It will put her in an embarrassing position.

The OP could buy 11+ practise papers. There are loads around.

Obviously a parent has to be able to understand where her child is falling short of the correct answers, but if the OP is a TA I'd assume she's au fait with literacy and numeracy at some level.

11+ tutoring is a lot easier than special needs tutoring where every lesson has to be prepared for the individual student.

And, based on her posts, if her child couldn't maintain focus during a Zoom lesson, (OP says she'd wander off) I wonder if they are 'grammar school ready' anyway.

Maybe OP has unrealistic expectations of her child's ability which could be another reason for the tutor ending the tutoring.

It's one thing supporting a pupil who has some chance of success, but it's not helpful or ethical to carry on with a child who will never pass the exam.

Exactly

You're both in the wrong.

The tutor is totally within their rights to cancel because of late payment. But they should have communicated that to you before the lesson so you didn't make the journey over there.

Tbh, I find with good childminders and good tutors, there's nearly always a wait list for their services, so if a client is unreliable or difficult they will drop them.