Tutor canceled lessons!

[grassisgreener2015]

AIBU to think our (now ex) tutor has behaved unreasonably?

Our 11 plus tutor charges monthly in advance and I stupidly forgot to pay for February's lessons on time. She did remind me once about the invoice but it just slipped my mind as it's been a really busy few weeks.

We turned up for our lesson on Friday and she actually turned us away and had arranged for another family to take our place! I feel really embarrassed as the other family are from our school and they were there when she sent us away.

We've been having lessons since September and I've only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons and we're really pleased with our child's progress.

I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

You have to be kidding. Imagine if your employer 'forgot' to pay you on payday. Twice!

Your child needs to learn to concentrate a bit better if he/she is going to take exams and/or be in an academic environment.

I think working in a school, I'm so focused on being child centered and concentrating on the child's needs that I hadn't seen it from the point of view that the tutor is more money oriented. She certainly earns more per hour than I do though!

This made me so cross! Very few teachers are in it purely for the money- no, not even the self-employed ones, who by the way also have to pay their holiday, sick, pension, and planning time out of that hourly rate. Most are doing that work because of the love of it- but it’s still right that they’re paid, in full and on time, for that work, by whoever their contract is with. Would you suggest she should be tutoring for free, so that she looks more “child centred” and less “money oriented”?

It’s easy to say you’re not money oriented when you’re employed, especially in a public service, because the service users aren’t paying you directly. But I bet you’re not working for free, are you? I bet you’d have something to say if your salary wasn’t paid on the day you expected it to be! So how willing would you be to stay child centred and focused on the child’s needs without that pay packet?

If the tutor weren’t child centred they wouldn’t be a very good tutor. Your comments are really very offensive, very smug and self-righteous, and frankly appalling. I hope to god I never have a client like you.

The more you post, the bigger the hole you’re digging for yourself. Comments like she earns more than you do, and maybe you’re in the wrong job? Okay, tutor your own child then.

There probably isn’t much point begging her to take you back if she’s given the slot away. She’s hardly likely to cancel a current client to fit you in. At best she might put you on the waiting list.

Sorry OP this is on you YOU missed the payment date and the tutor sent you a reminder stating that if payment wasn’t made the lessons would be cancelled so that’s what happened she has no obligation to send you another reminder or a sweet text she’s not your friend she’s a professional in future pay things on time and yes I have read that you work full time so do a lot of us so set reminders on your phone and let’s be honest it takes two minutes to send a payment over it would of been quicker to pay her than right your post on her.

Best to set up a standing order for such things if you're busy and forgetful.

Well indeed but the whole tone is the same, from what I remember.

It's their business! Would you expect the mortgage lender or credit card company to "be kind"? You fucked up, that's why your child is disadvantaged. You can set a calendar reminder or a standing order, it's really not difficult. Hopefully it won't happen again & you've learnt your lesson.

Taking flowers round to make her feel probably very awkward. Also an act of manipulation trying to persuade her.... her hourly rate isn't her hourly rate - you've clearly never been self employed.

I think it’s shocking how some people treat private tutors, music teachers, sports teachers, dance/drama class teachers etc. I have friends who do these jobs and the amount of parents who don’t pay after using their service is obscene. I think they seem to have the same attitude as the OP in that they feel anyone who teaches kids should be doing it maternally and altruistically out of the kindness of their own heart and that it is “anti-child” and heartless to chase payment. Or that because it’s teaching a child and not making or manufacturing or selling a tangible product, it’s not real work and doesn’t deserve to be seen and paid for in the same way.

These same people would NEVER forget to pay their male plumber or their builder or their car mechanic. They wouldn’t dream of it. Why should a professional businesswoman providing a service be treated any differently?

You still don't get it, do you???

When you write something like this:
"I think working in a school, I'm so focused on being child centered and concentrating on the child's needs that I hadn't seen it from the point of view that the tutor is more money oriented."

She isn't money oriented. She values her time and if this is her sole source of income she has worked out how much she should charge for her valuable time.
It's clearly valuable time as you're pissed that she gave "your" slot to another family for their child.

Please don't do this:
"I will be apologizing to the tutor properly. I think I'll pop round with some flowers and see if I can persuade her to give us another chance."
She has given you more than one chance. You've used up your chances here. Those times that you were previously late with payment - they were your chances. She no longer wants you as a client. Drop it or she could possibly report your conduct as harassment.

You screwed this up. Completely. If I were her I wouldn't want you or your son back (no matter how nice of a kid he may be). You'll have to find an alternative tutor for your kid.

I remember that too.

I've a suspicion that the Op came back to say that the tutor had apologised profusely and taken the dc back on again. "Yah boo sucks to everyone, see I was right" .
Personally I thought "in your dreams" , because they were so clearly making that bit up.

That is quite a dig. I think she is a TA. Possibly one of those irritating ones that do things the teacher didn't ask for and make derogatory comments on those who actually teach.
Which I know is another dig - but I've met them and they are an utter pain in the classroom, always knowing better than the teacher and saying so.

I missed that update. I bloody hope she was making it up and the tutor stuck to her guns!

I can now see that her email reminder did say that if the invoice was not paid, lessons would be cancelled but I'd still expect a more personal text or phonecall before actually replacing us bearing in mind we've been with her since September!

And doubtless, if she'd made a "more personal" text or call, you'd say it should have been an email instead because "it's better in writing"

As for the snarky "maybe this is why she's no longer a class teacher", given the amount of other people's messes they're expected to clear up, perhaps she's happier running her own show without the need to deal with this nonsense

Nice try at blaming anyone except yourself though ...

Absolutely spot on, @Barrenfieldoffucks!

Do you do your job for free since you’re so child focused? Would you be ok with having to chase up your employer to get paid twice in 6 months? The answer to both those is no.
This is not a hobby it’s her job and you didn’t keep up your end of the deal so you lost your place. This is not her that has done this to your child it’s you who has done this. She has enforced her boundaries and when your self employed you have to because otherwise customers take the piss!

No wonder the tutor is paid more then (sorry not a dig at TAs, just the op).

Hey op I've got a good profession for you, olympic gymnast!

BC the mental gymnastics you're going through to avoid any blame or responsibility herself is gold-worthy for sure.

i can’t believe this thread is still going!

It really is an open-and-shut case about an entitled, disrespectful mother in the habit of not paying people for their services.

Be like the tutor and stop now, for all our sakes.

I haven't read all of the OP's posts on this thread. From those I have read you come across very entitled and feel hard done by . You presumably knew the tutors terms and conditions prior to sending your child. Payment on time would have been one of them, she let you off the first time. You then took the piss and did it again because you can't organise yourself. It becomes the tutors fault for not making a phone call or sending a text even though she reminded you by email. You ignored the reminder email and had the audacity to rock up at her house without having made payment or offered an apology.
She has filled your slot, good tutors have waiting lists. You now seem intent on harassing her because it's only now you realised how good she is. Yet you still don't take ownership for what you have done which has led to this.
She won't take your child back, accept it, leave her alone and find someone else. Also get over your own ego and treat those providing a service with more respect

You’re at it again, blaming your tutor for being money oriented and suggesting you’re in the wrong job.
Tutoring is her job, she’s not a bloody volunteer. Nor is she seeing your child in a safeguarding environment, it’s 11+ private tuition why should she put the child first?!?!

I agree! You are trying to slam the tutor for wanting money for her job. Bonkers. I hope she doesn't give you a second chance to be honest.

And I'd love to see how long you'd last in your school if your salary didn't arrive when it was supposed to - twice - even when you reminded them you were owed it!! Don't even pretend that your job isn't money-oriented (as in you are working for money; would you really still work in that job if you weren't getting paid??).

Exactly this!! How dare she have a go at someone for wanting paying for their job

I just feel that someone this unkind and impatient should not be working with children to be honest. She's left our child with no tutor and they're now disadvantaged compared to their friends (grammar area). They are so keen to take the 11 plus and it seems so wrong for her to be punishing a child for my small mistake.

Oh my god, what did I just read?!
OP... YOU have left your child with no tutor. YOU have disadvantaged them.

Is this a real thread? I'm finding it hard to believe anyone can be this entitled.