Tutor canceled lessons!

[grassisgreener2015]

AIBU to think our (now ex) tutor has behaved unreasonably?

Our 11 plus tutor charges monthly in advance and I stupidly forgot to pay for February's lessons on time. She did remind me once about the invoice but it just slipped my mind as it's been a really busy few weeks.

We turned up for our lesson on Friday and she actually turned us away and had arranged for another family to take our place! I feel really embarrassed as the other family are from our school and they were there when she sent us away.

We've been having lessons since September and I've only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons and we're really pleased with our child's progress.

I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

P.S. that heated wooden cabin wouldn't come cheap either.

comments. I think working in a school, I'm so focused on being child centered and concentrating on the child's needs that I hadn't seen it from the point of view that the tutor is more money oriented.

Absolutely disgusting 'apology'. I hope she tells you to shove your flowers up your arse.

@grassisgreener2015 "I will be apologizing to the tutor properly. I think I'll pop round with some flowers and see if I can persuade her to give us another chance"

That is not an apology. That is an attempt at manipulation.

The tutor is not less focused on being child centered and concentrating on the child's needs than you are. By ditching people that don't pay and making spaces available immediately for people on the waiting list they are absolutely meeting the needs of children.
Not your child obviously, because you didn't pay.

This is all on you.
You've paid late twice, despite reminders and have also cancelled lessons.
What on earth makes you think that you're an attractive prospect? Or even committed to the service being provided.
The tutor has given you leeway, she let you get away with paying late once and then reminded you to pay for February's lessons on time.

Yes, you're a busy working mum. The tutor is also busy. That's how she's managed to fill her schedule so promptly.

You have fucked up. Learn the lesson. There is no fixing this situation.

Maybe OP you should quit your job then and start tutoring. Then report back how much you actually net per hour and how nice it is to have to chase other parents for payments. And how great it is to pay your bills from
savings as you can’t rely on people to pay on time.

@grassisgreener2015

I feel very bad for your daughter. You've massively let her down. But honestly, you've also let yourself down. The way you've spoken about this outstanding tutor (you admit your daughter made lots of progress with her) is disgusting.

• someone this unkind and impatient should not be working with children

• maybe that's why she's no longer a class teacher

• the tutor is more money oriented

• She certainly earns more per hour than I do

She earns more than you do because she's excellent at her job. And probably because she's a nicer person.

OP very clearly thinks that tutor should be providing lessons for free. Insisting on payment is “money-orientated” (which is bad) and not “child-centred” (which is good). Ergo, to be child-centred, tutor should have continued to provide lessons without payment.

It does make me wonder why anyone would choose to work with children, as many of their parents appear to think that because it’s for children it’s automatically a form of charity and not for them to fund.

This, a thousand times over. You are so entitled. How would you like to keep reminding your employer to get paid? She must have given you a warning, though. I don't think you've told us the whole story.

I'm so focused on being child centered and concentrating on the child's needs that I hadn't seen it from the point of view that the tutor is more money oriented.

oh wow, OP, you might get a nose bleed up on that high horse.

You're working in a school, which means you have probably never had to wait for a paycheck. You certainly don't need to invoice for every single hour you work, and only get paid for about 80% of those hours while you chase up the other hours individually. Your tutor obviously IS child-focused if she's in this much demand, but she also needs to pay for that lovely warm cabin in the back garden.

And honestly for her sake, I'm glad she's good enough that she had someone waiting to take your place. Otherwise you were happy to leave her potentially out of pocket that week (or more) while she found a new client.

Btw it's cancelled.

SHE hasn't punished your child, YOU have. You are oozing entitlement and don't have the self-awareness to see it. The world does not revolve around you and your child. She has, quite rightly, found better clients. Good on her!

This thread has to be a wind up, no-one could surely be so deluded as to think that taking a bunch of flowers round will persuade a tutor to rethink dropping a CF. She's probably glad to be rid of you and is so relieved to have her Ts and Cs to cover her.

She's already found a replacement child OP, hopefully one who is no hassle and has parents who will pay her on time.

I hope she tells you to shove your flowers.

Is this a joke @grassisgreener2015 ?
This is the second time you’ve been late paying and this time, you didn’t even respond to the Tutor’s reminder. You just left it, then turned up for the next lesson and you think the Tutor is unreasonable!

This is a Professional who is busy with work. S/he clearly had other potential clients waiting for a space. S/he behaved professionally and you are absolutely unreasonable.

Why on earth do you still think the tutor is being unreasonable? You just don’t get it. One missed payment equates to a mortgage payment that cannot be made, electricity bill which is late etc. Would you be happy if your work payroll paid you late twice in 6 months? Nope, didn’t think so!

Also I struggle to understand why the tutor should have given you a chance to make a bank transfer on the spot, when she clearly is in hot demand and could teach others? She gave you warning beforehand, that should be more than enough. You have no idea how long tutors take out of lesson time to chase payments! I know, because I used to be one. You can’t begrudge someone trying to make a living to pay their bills, fgs.

You are the problem here! I doubt any tutors in the area would take you after how you behaved either (yes we share tabs on who to avoid) so I’d recommend taking this as a learning curve and never behaving like that again!!!!

So out of 5 payments since September you e been late paying twice.... not only that you actually haven't paid this months yet.....yeah she's so unreasonable 🙄

Well said, I came on here to make the same point. OP just can't help herself - zero self-awareness or humility. She's just got to have the last unwarranted dig at the tutor and still fails to realise how poorly that reflects on her, not the tutor. The tutor's had a lucky escape not having to have any further dealings with OP. 😬

I agree with others, your posts show clearly what you think of the tutor. You are child-centred but the tutor is just focused on the money! Everyone deserves to get paid for the work that they do – and if it’s agreed that that will be in advance, then that’s what should happen.

She certainly earns more per hour than I do though! Maybe I'm in the wrong job!

Well. You do understand, don’t you, that the hourly rate you pay the tutor also covers prep time and marking and setting homework – which might be another hour per lesson. It also covers their heating and lighting, computer and software as needed, any books or photocopying resources, any online subscriptions used.

😂😂😂😂😂 this can't be real ?!!!

Money orientated ? You mean they have bills to pay ?

I think she’s been very reasonable. To suggest she should overlook your disorganisation and cavalier attitude towards her income purely to not disadvantage your daughter is ridiculous. You are the one who has caused issues for your daughter is ridiculous. Being busy is no excuse- I just don’t think you value the job she does.

You should have payed when the reminder invoice arrived as that was your chance to keep your daughter’s place. I don’t think it is appropriate to keep pestering the tutor for a space as I imagine she has a waiting list as she filled your daughter’s spot so easily. I think it’s time to look for a different tutor.

Let's not forget also, the 'hourly' rate of the tutor does not include the unpaid rate of sending out invoices, checking payments, chasing invoices, making a personal phone call to chase payment, making a decision to get a new child in, new child's invoice, new child's payment receipt and admin, awkward chat because unpaid person decides to turn up anyway, another awkward chat whilst being given flowers that of course she can't take your child back as she would be over her ratio now; which given their nature, unpaid person would definitely kick off about if it affected her child.

Not so child focussed that you'd remember your own and pay for her tutoring. Your indignation is just an attempt to deflect the guilt you presumably feel for having fucked up and disadvantaged your own daughter.

I hope the flowers and apology do the job! It sounds a gorgeous environment for your DC.
I think you still haven't quite registered how different things are for a private tutor than someone like you who gets a salary. It's not really that you are child centred and she isn't. You can afford to put on the children's wellbeing over other things because you have a salary. It's probably not true that she gets paid more than you do. She'll be paying her own insurance, any training needed, heating and maintaining her workspace, and covering her own holidays and sick pay, out of her hourly rate.

The tutor is running a business and has to be a business person as well as a caring teacher. Somebody else is doing all that for you in the background, which frees you up to concentrate on caring for or educating the kids you work with. She's not mercenary, just looking after her own interests in a grown up way.

@grassisgreener2015

Seriously?? So in 6mths, this will be the 2nd time you've paid late, despite reminders. The Tutor is running a business & is undoubtedly just as busy in life as you are, yet you expect her to 'let you off' because...??

Wonder if the Op has paid now!