Tutor canceled lessons!

[grassisgreener2015]

AIBU to think our (now ex) tutor has behaved unreasonably?

Our 11 plus tutor charges monthly in advance and I stupidly forgot to pay for February's lessons on time. She did remind me once about the invoice but it just slipped my mind as it's been a really busy few weeks.

We turned up for our lesson on Friday and she actually turned us away and had arranged for another family to take our place! I feel really embarrassed as the other family are from our school and they were there when she sent us away.

We've been having lessons since September and I've only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons and we're really pleased with our child's progress.

I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

Would you 'forget' to pay a plumber? Twice?

She is not more “ money oriented “. She is making a living, she has bills and living expenses to pay like you. With penalties if late ( eg telephone:internet ).

You might want to reflect on your attitude before going over with flowers/an apology you don’t really mean. This is 100% your fault. Her being nice or otherwise has nothing to do with it. Would you accept not being paid this month if you were told via a nice card or flowers?

I am nearly sixty. Take it from me. Learning from our mistakes, and admitting it ( to ourselves too ) is a key life skill. Good luck going forward.

I'm so focused on being child centred and concentrating on the child's needs that I hadn't seen it from the point of view that the tutor is more money oriented.

Presumably, you still get paid for your job?

So she is no more 'money oriented' than you are.

You go to work to get paid. So does she.

I think working in a school, I'm so focused on being child centered and concentrating on the child's needs that I hadn't seen it from the point of view that the tutor is more money oriented. She certainly earns more per hour than I do though! Maybe I'm in the wrong job!

Oh so another sly dig at the tutor.
'more money orientated'.
You've gone too far now.

The tutor is self employed. She has a mortgage to pay no doubt.

It's possible to be 'child centred and concentrating on a child's needs' yet want to be paid on time.

You get paid on time every month (as a TA or dinner lady- whichever) whether you turn up or not.

I'm sure she'd really appreciate your flowers if you turn up with the attitude you show here.

I honestly think that now you're on some kind of power trip, trying to wind people here up.

You admit you didn’t pay. The terms and conditions were clear. Tutoring is this person’s livelihood. You are casting aspersions in their professionalism by saying they should be kinder and are jeopardising your child’s future success. You have done this by not honouring the contract.
I do hope your child succeeds despite your error.

Yes but if the OP isn't at work she still gets paid.

If a tutor cancels a lesson for any reason (ie illness) they refund the parent or the parent is in credit for the next payment due.

If I had to cancel a lesson I'd refund it, offer another day/time, or take the fee off their next payment.

This has got to be a wind up? Go round with a bunch of flowers to apologise and see if she’ll have your child back? Not only would I tell you where to shove them but I would be killing myself laughing in your face.

Sigh!

She's not 'money orientated' she just doesn't get a monthly pay check and can't pay her bills when parents like you repeatedly forget to pay.

You don't seem to be able to imagine the realities of being self-employed whatsoever. The uncertainties of income, the lack of protection when you're sick, the unpaid time that goes into chasing parents like you for payment.

Of course she earns more per hour than you do. Not all of that money goes into her pocket. She has to pay tax on it and it has to make up for the fact that she has no employer paying sick pay, maternity pay, redundancy or guaranteeing her a consistent income every month.

Some people have no idea at all.

The irony is that arguably the tutor has been child focused by giving the space to a child who will go to it

She earns more than you OP presumably because she's a graduate/ qualified teacher and not whatever you are- a TA or admin or dinner lady.

She has better things to do than chase you.

You know it needs paid, you didn't. She sends a reminder. You didn't pay. She sends a note to say tutoring won't continue. You didn't read it. You didn't set up a SO to ensure payment given your busy life.

But it's here fault 🤣

We have tutoring. Needs paid weekly, 2 hours before session or no session. I have a SO. It's not that difficult.

You are getting a bit of a beating here and I don’t actually disagree with the other posters. I have used tutors for both DSs and believe me I pay on time and show my appreciation at every turn. They are very much in demand and good ones are worth their weight in gold. Equally, I would not expect my employer ( the NHS) to forget to pay me and to have to email them or pop round to the finance dept to get my salary.
Hopefully this is a lesson learnt, you may find yourself using tutors when DS is in secondary so remember to pay in time and communicate clearly re any change of plans.

I posted earlier, but reading latest replies from OP i think this thread is a piss take of Mumsnet, grammar schools, tutoring, all the helpful advice. I suspect Op is baiting us.

me too

There's an old proverb that goes something like before commenting on the sawdust in your friend's eye, take the plank out of your own! It's appropriate here - you are too rude and lazy to bother pay the tutor, and yet you criticise her for dropping you. You got what you deserved!

I'm quite looking forward to seeing what OP's next little poke with a stick will be, when she deems the thread to be in danger of settling down. . .

If you work in a school you're on PAYE and your salary comes into your account every month without any of the hassle of doing a tax return, you have sick pay, paid holidays. The tutor has none of this. She has to be money oriented.

Don't forget the public sector pension!

Oh, of course!!

It sounds like the tutor is in demand so it's completely reasonable for them not to carry on with people who are unreliable payers. Also, it could be that they rely on prompt payment in order to pay their bills. It's not a matter of 'kindness'; it's a business.

You really aren’t getting it. She’s providing a service. You pay and get service. Don’t pay and don’t get service.
So many parents are flaky and need reminding. Then guilt trip oh x will be so sad to miss out (I’m a girl guiding leader not tutor)
It’s not the can’t affords it’s the think the rules don’t apply to them that pay late. We are an optional activity if you cba reading emails and filling in paperwork/too busy to be paying on time don’t sign your child up.

I tutor and can honestly say that the couple of very nice parents who always forgot to pay were the bane of my week (am also a busy working mum but I never forgot to teach their kids). If you had a haircut, you’d remember to pay, so why is it so hard to pay on time if you value the service provided?

It’s not about being money centred vs child centred. It’s about running a business vs being on the payroll. You’ve said this is the second time you’ve been late to pay. I get that it’s upsetting but it’s so annoying having to chase people for payment.

I despair.

She has a lovely heated cabin and does lots of hands on learning. She sounds pretty child centred to me.

She is clearly a professional who refuses to let forgetful and irritating parents take the piss by not paying her and still turning up for a lesson.

You might think she earns more per hour than you do, but self-employment is not comparable to employment. There are many expenses, no paid holidays or sick leave, and things like National Insurance, pension contributions and admin time (such as chasing up non-payers!) to take into account. It depends on the trade, but I think doubling the hourly rate of an employed person is a reasonable rough guide.