Page 24 | Tutor canceled lessons!

grassisgreener2015 · 2025-02-10T08:13:54+00:00

AIBU to think our (now ex) tutor has behaved unreasonably? Our 11 plus tutor charges monthly in advance and I stupidly forgot to pay for February's lessons on time. She did remind me once about the invoice but it just slipped my mind as it's been a really busy few weeks. We turned up for our lesson on Friday and she actually turned us away and had arranged for another family to take our place! I feel really embarrassed as the other family are from our school and they were there when she sent us away. We've been having lessons since September and I've only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons and we're really pleased with our child's progress. I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

Musicaltheatremum · 10/02/2025 17:50

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 17:30

I'm not a troll. Just someone who has made a genuine mistake and was feeling angry but is now regretting that.

Thank you for all your comments. I think working in a school, I'm so focused on being child centered and concentrating on the child's needs that I hadn't seen it from the point of view that the tutor is more money oriented. She certainly earns more per hour than I do though! Maybe I'm in the wrong job!

I will be apologizing to the tutor properly. I think I'll pop round with some flowers and see if I can persuade her to give us another chance. All the other options seem to be online which just won't suit my child, or groups which I'm not keen on. Our tutor has a lovely heated wooden cabin in her garden and offers lots of hands on learning, which is exactly what my child needs. There's no way they'd concentrate properly on Zoom. They'd probably just wander off! 🤣

She earns more than you do as she doesn't get sick pay or holiday pay and has to provide her own pension. This needs to be factored in when comparing incomes

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 10/02/2025 17:51

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 08:30

She was saying she's fully booked on friday, although I'm not sure that's completely true. I've suggested maybe she could offer us cancellation lessons or maybe squeeze us in as an extra but she's not replied to my emails sent over the weekend.

Yes, I can now see that her email reminder did say that if the invoice was not paid, lessons would be cancelled but I'd still expect a more personal text or phonecall before actually replacing us bearing in mind we've been with her since September!

I just feel that someone this unkind and impatient should not be working with children to be honest. She's left our child with no tutor and they're now disadvantaged compared to their friends (grammar area). They are so keen to take the 11 plus and it seems so wrong for her to be punishing a child for my small mistake.

Boo hoo.

Justalittlehandhold · 10/02/2025 17:51

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 17:30

I'm not a troll. Just someone who has made a genuine mistake and was feeling angry but is now regretting that.

Thank you for all your comments. I think working in a school, I'm so focused on being child centered and concentrating on the child's needs that I hadn't seen it from the point of view that the tutor is more money oriented. She certainly earns more per hour than I do though! Maybe I'm in the wrong job!

I will be apologizing to the tutor properly. I think I'll pop round with some flowers and see if I can persuade her to give us another chance. All the other options seem to be online which just won't suit my child, or groups which I'm not keen on. Our tutor has a lovely heated wooden cabin in her garden and offers lots of hands on learning, which is exactly what my child needs. There's no way they'd concentrate properly on Zoom. They'd probably just wander off! 🤣

Child centred my arse! You wouldn’t be if you weren’t being paid, you’d stop turning up
to work! You wouldn’t be dealing with them for free!

Also, make sure you put a reminder in your phone to take the flowers, or you may forget!

Uricon2 · 10/02/2025 17:53

I'm so focused on being child centered and concentrating on the child's needs that I hadn't seen it from the point of view that the tutor is more money oriented.

Perhaps if you were more "paying my bills on time" centred this wouldn't have happened.

The tutor is not Barclaycard or British Gas. She will have bills of her own and needs money to pay them. "Money orientated" is perfectly natural in this situation, but I think you know that and are just being goady.

2025willbemytime · 10/02/2025 17:54

You've not learnt as even in your last post you're still being sneery.

Umidontknow · 10/02/2025 17:58

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 17:30

I'm not a troll. Just someone who has made a genuine mistake and was feeling angry but is now regretting that.

Thank you for all your comments. I think working in a school, I'm so focused on being child centered and concentrating on the child's needs that I hadn't seen it from the point of view that the tutor is more money oriented. She certainly earns more per hour than I do though! Maybe I'm in the wrong job!

I will be apologizing to the tutor properly. I think I'll pop round with some flowers and see if I can persuade her to give us another chance. All the other options seem to be online which just won't suit my child, or groups which I'm not keen on. Our tutor has a lovely heated wooden cabin in her garden and offers lots of hands on learning, which is exactly what my child needs. There's no way they'd concentrate properly on Zoom. They'd probably just wander off! 🤣

Unbelievable. You still cannot see it can you?? She isn't more money oriented she just needs to make a bloody living - shes even made a lovely warm cabin just to make the experience better for the children and you still accuse her her of only caring about money! Do you think some magic fairy built it and pays to heat and light it for her?? Just leave the poor woman alone and except that you are completely in the wrong not her. Your child will also massively struggle at grammar if they can't even sit and concentrate on zoom for an hour. If they desperately want to go to grammar as you've claimed then they will have to put the effort in.

wherearemypastnames · 10/02/2025 17:59

If you were being child centrered you would do everything you need to for your child - including paying the bills

latetothefisting · 10/02/2025 18:01

Fencehedge · 10/02/2025 17:33

OMG haven't you learnt anything from this thread? No, you do not go around there with flowers, trying to manipulate her into changing her mind. That would be harassment. She has told you 'no'. She is quite rightly, ignoring you. She has assertively enforced her rules. You do not get to continue to shit all over her boundaries.

And the little digs about her wage... You've obviously never run your own business. You are so insulting.

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exactly what I thought. So passive aggressive. Perhaps you can afford to focus on the child's needs because you will get paid whether you do a good job or not (via other people's taxes) and don't have to spend your own time chasing up your salary?

Offleyhoo · 10/02/2025 18:01

I am 😯 at this thread. Of course the flippin tutor has not been unreasonable.

pollyglot · 10/02/2025 18:02

I'm completely stunned by the OP's attitude. I can see why the tutor was happy to replace you by someone grateful enough to pay on time, rather than being put on the "not so important" list of things to be done.

PigglyWigglyOhYeah · 10/02/2025 18:02

I will be apologizing to the tutor properly. I think I'll pop round with some flowers and see if I can persuade her to give us another chance

Leave her alone. She doesn’t want to tutor your child because you aren’t ‘child-centred’ enough to pay your bills. Why should she have to waste more of her time on you?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/02/2025 18:05

”I think working in a school, I'm so focused on being child centered and concentrating on the child's needs that I hadn't seen it from the point of view that the tutor is more money oriented.”

What a thoroughly vile and nasty thing to say, @grassisgreener2015 - you are certainly not showing yourself in a very good light on this thread!

Why do you think the tutor is in the wrong for wanting to be paid for the work that she is doing? Do you go round Tesco and decide not to pay for your shopping because you are such a caring, child-centred person, and Tesco are just money motivated?

I can’t believe I am having to spell this out to you, at the end of a long thread full of people all saying much the same thing - but this is all your fault. You have decided that paying the tutor who is helping your child get through the 11+ is not a priority - despite her reminders AND more than once - but you have decided she is in the wrong!

You are entitled, because you think you should keep your child’s place with the tutor, despite ‘forgetting’ to pay, and she is entirely in the right for wanting to be paid promptly for the work she is doing.

UsernameShmusername2024 · 10/02/2025 18:08

From what you've said you've failed to pay on time for a third of the months...of course she's acting reasonably to offer that session to another family. This is her livelihood, not a hobby, and she deserves to be paid on time as agreed. How would she even know you were turning up for a session that you hadn't paid for and had ignored a reminder about?
Your assertion that 'someone working with children should be kinder' is really misjudged - she's not the person who's let your child down in this situation. Maybe you should've 'been kinder' to your child by making sure you paid on time?

Gonners · 10/02/2025 18:10

I hope the tutor has a Ring Doorbell.

PigglyWigglyOhYeah · 10/02/2025 18:10

The OP hasn't said she'st a teacher - she "works in a school".

Yeah, she’s not a teacher.

thepariscrimefiles · 10/02/2025 18:11

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 17:30

I'm not a troll. Just someone who has made a genuine mistake and was feeling angry but is now regretting that.

Thank you for all your comments. I think working in a school, I'm so focused on being child centered and concentrating on the child's needs that I hadn't seen it from the point of view that the tutor is more money oriented. She certainly earns more per hour than I do though! Maybe I'm in the wrong job!

I will be apologizing to the tutor properly. I think I'll pop round with some flowers and see if I can persuade her to give us another chance. All the other options seem to be online which just won't suit my child, or groups which I'm not keen on. Our tutor has a lovely heated wooden cabin in her garden and offers lots of hands on learning, which is exactly what my child needs. There's no way they'd concentrate properly on Zoom. They'd probably just wander off! 🤣

You are still making digs at the tutor when you say that you are more child orented and she is more money oriented. You say that she earns more than you per hour and that maybe you are in the wrong job. If you are implying that you could do her job, you obviously can't or you would be tutoring your child yourself. You obviously don't have the knowledge or the skills that she has.

You say you are child centered and concentrating on the child's needs, but you are secure in the fact that you will receive your wages every month. Would you still go into work if you weren't getting paid?

After trying to find another tutor, you are now realising how good she really is at her job and surely you must see that by her offering a lovely environment and lots of hand on learning, she actually is just as child centered as you.

Samung · 10/02/2025 18:13

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 17:30

I'm not a troll. Just someone who has made a genuine mistake and was feeling angry but is now regretting that.

Thank you for all your comments. I think working in a school, I'm so focused on being child centered and concentrating on the child's needs that I hadn't seen it from the point of view that the tutor is more money oriented. She certainly earns more per hour than I do though! Maybe I'm in the wrong job!

I will be apologizing to the tutor properly. I think I'll pop round with some flowers and see if I can persuade her to give us another chance. All the other options seem to be online which just won't suit my child, or groups which I'm not keen on. Our tutor has a lovely heated wooden cabin in her garden and offers lots of hands on learning, which is exactly what my child needs. There's no way they'd concentrate properly on Zoom. They'd probably just wander off! 🤣

See that attitude stinks. The tutor 'earns more than' you because they have to cover their own liability insurance, sickness, annual leave and other expenses.

PigglyWigglyOhYeah · 10/02/2025 18:14

Samung · 10/02/2025 18:13

See that attitude stinks. The tutor 'earns more than' you because they have to cover their own liability insurance, sickness, annual leave and other expenses.

Show quote history

And also, probably, because they are a qualified teacher.

AbigailisPartiedOut · 10/02/2025 18:15

I'm so focused on being child centred and concentrating on the child's needs that I hadn't seen it from the point of view that the tutor is more money oriented.

Errm, what? She runs a business. yes, it earns her money just like your job. Which i presume you dont do for free or tolerate late payment for. It's your job to concentrate on your child's needs, not hers.

GreyCarpet · 10/02/2025 18:16

You understand that this is her job, right? That she has bills to pay? And that this isn't a hobby for her?

How long would you continue to work for someone who didn't pay you? How much leeway would you give your employer?

She is self employed. She can choose who to take on. You didn't pay, you got replaced. She's done nothing wrong.

Samung · 10/02/2025 18:17

I hope the tutor is on here. The situation is quite recognisable. 😁

Tryingtokeepgoing · 10/02/2025 18:17

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 17:30

I'm not a troll. Just someone who has made a genuine mistake and was feeling angry but is now regretting that.

Thank you for all your comments. I think working in a school, I'm so focused on being child centered and concentrating on the child's needs that I hadn't seen it from the point of view that the tutor is more money oriented. She certainly earns more per hour than I do though! Maybe I'm in the wrong job!

I will be apologizing to the tutor properly. I think I'll pop round with some flowers and see if I can persuade her to give us another chance. All the other options seem to be online which just won't suit my child, or groups which I'm not keen on. Our tutor has a lovely heated wooden cabin in her garden and offers lots of hands on learning, which is exactly what my child needs. There's no way they'd concentrate properly on Zoom. They'd probably just wander off! 🤣

I suspect you are in the wrong job. As I posted above, one could easily make the case that you, by dint of being so disorganised and unable to critically analyse the situation and fairly apportion blame, are entirely unsuited to be in a position of authority over any children at all, never mind work in a school. Unless, perhaps, as an out of hours cleaner ;)

Lanzarotelady · 10/02/2025 18:18

Samung · 10/02/2025 18:17

I hope the tutor is on here. The situation is quite recognisable. 😁

Wouldn't that be great! Oh please be on Tutor

Notodrugs · 10/02/2025 18:19

You forgot to pay, but remembered to turn up to the lesson? You seem very entitled

GreyCarpet · 10/02/2025 18:19

I will be apologizing to the tutor properly. I think I'll pop round with some flowers and see if I can persuade her to give us another chance.

She doesn't want flowers!

She wants reliable clients 🙄