Tutor canceled lessons!

[grassisgreener2015]

AIBU to think our (now ex) tutor has behaved unreasonably?

Our 11 plus tutor charges monthly in advance and I stupidly forgot to pay for February's lessons on time. She did remind me once about the invoice but it just slipped my mind as it's been a really busy few weeks.

We turned up for our lesson on Friday and she actually turned us away and had arranged for another family to take our place! I feel really embarrassed as the other family are from our school and they were there when she sent us away.

We've been having lessons since September and I've only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons and we're really pleased with our child's progress.

I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

I'd never punish a child in my class for something that was thier parent's fault.

You work in a classroom. It is very different. Parents not paying their bills doesn't directly impact your personal cashflow. The tutor will have had parents not pay after reminders and not show up again, meaning they lose money for missed sessions. She was absolutely right to be rigid with her T&Cs.

So I have an understanding that sometimes things crop up and people forget things.

Forget was when you didn't pay when it was due. The reminder was the time to remember, think oh shit and pay immediately and ideally apologise. As you say, it takes 2 secs nowadays with online banking. Ignoring the reminder was a piss take.

I've still heard nothing from the tutor although this is probably for the best as we clearly weren't a good fit.

They were a great fit for your child, you chose to be unreliable.

I feel so embarrassed as I work at my child's school and see the other parents on a regular basis.

That is another consequence of your actions, lesson learnt not to mess others around.

I'm not a bad person.

You probably aren't, but you do lack taking responsibility for your own actions. We all fuck up now and again. This is 100% on you, own it and move on. If any of the parents ask, tell them she was a great tutor but you messed her around a bit and lost your space and really regret it.

I can now see that her email reminder did say that if the invoice was not paid, lessons would be cancelled but I'd still expect a more personal text or phonecall before actually replacing us bearing in mind we've been with her since September!

So you've been with her a whole 6 months, have paid late twice, ignored her reminder to pay this month but still expect a more personalised service from her! Hilarious.

I just feel that someone this unkind and impatient should not be working with children to be honest. She's left our child with no tutor and they're now disadvantaged compared to their friends (grammar area). They are so keen to take the 11 plus and it seems so wrong for her to be punishing a child for my small mistake.

She is neither unkind or impatient. I wonder what she would say about someone who regularly doesn't pay their bills on time though and still expects to benefit from a service? She's not punishing your child, that is on you.

If you’d already forgotten once before, why not have a standing order set up? Avoids the hassle and ensures prompt payment.

YABU. Thankfully it is possibly to tutor yourself especially now you know what resources she was using. Can you book some mock tests separately? I guess she had been working on knowledge still so make sure that is done then move onto time management and exam technique.

You have admitted she had clear terms and conditions, which you breached. You clearly do not have to earn your living waiting for invoices to be paid and instead no doubt get a salary, even when you are ill and off work. The obvious fact is, she does not need you and your unreliability, because there are enough parents out there who don’t excuse themselves so easily when they behave badly and breach contracts with clear terms and conditions.

If the tutor has to chase every family numerous times, she’s adding a lot of additional admin to her role. Sadly it seems that she’s had to take a low tolerance approach to late payers and I don’t blame her. I’m astounded that when you turned up for the lesson you STILL hadn’t paid - I don’t expect my grocery delivery to turn up if I haven’t paid for it in advance.

Before you sign your child up for another tutor you need to work out a system of reminders to ensure that your busy lifestyle doesn’t negatively impact others.

Op, going forward - you might want to get your bank to explain to you about standing orders and direct debits. Just, y'know, to help with your remembering things in your busy life.

The bit about forgetting you hadn't paid until you rocket up at the tutor's door? Not buying that for a minute - she sent you a reminder.

You’re still not getting it are you OP. SHE ISN’T PUNISHING YOUR CHILD! YOU failed to pay! Therefore YOU terminated the contract. This situation came about entirely of your own making. It’s your fault. Own it. And do better next time. We’re all busy, it’s not an excuse for leaving the tutor short of income.

Incidentally you say these lessons are 1:1, did you still pay for the ones you cancelled?

Sorry but she is running a business, if she allowed all her students to do this she would likely miss bill payments and risk potentially her home, the financial implications for her could be huge. I say this knowing full well being on the receiving end of close relatives who are tutors- trust me it has a knock on effect. Also it’s her time which she has set aside to work- time is money especially when self employed. she warned in her reminder that sessions would be cancelled that should have been enough. The fact your child is now ‘disadvantaged’ is not her burden to carry. Since September is literally four months, one school term, in the world of tutoring that’s not long. Ultimately it’s a contractual business arrangement and should be treated as such. I think she deserves credit for having a consistent and fair business approach and treating everyone fairly as per her contract, this is not unkind it’s business and she gave you fair warning. It’s left you in a predicament but sadly, I’m not trying to be cruel, but it’s a consequence of you not keeping up you part of the contract which is there to protect both the business and customer. So many customers in all industries are very quick to judge businesses for not following contracts etc and yet when they do they also get criticised. While she left your child with no tutor despite warning, you left her with no money. Could it be work seeing if she may have capacity for online sessions?

No, but you are disorganised. If payment was requested in advance you ought to have set up a direct debit to the tutor, then it wouldn't matter if you forgot. From the tutor's pov it looks as if you wanted a way to stop the contract at your will by not paying and she was totally correct in replacing your child with another. How would you feel if your employer didn't pay you on time?
It seems to me you 'didn't know what you'd got till it's gone' to paraphrase Joni Mitchell. Perhaps you will set up more robust systems next time. What would have happened if you'd ignored several electricity bills, do you imagine?

Well, arrogance personified! Who do you think you are? If you had turned up at the tutor’s house one day and she wasn’t there because she had been busy and forgotten, you would have been furious! Why should she tutor your child for free?
if your child is ‘disadvantaged’, it is ENTIRELY down to you!
Grow up and face your responsibilities!

I feel so embarrassed as I work at my child's school and see the other parents on a regular basis.

Yet still seeing the other parent regularly didn't make you think "heck, I've forgotten to send payment over" and do it quick sharpish.

Not sure why you're feeling embarrassed, I'm sure the tutor won't broadcast lack of payment to other parents.

22 pages in and I feel bad for the people that have put the effort into genuine replies for possibly the second or third time here.

Would you give someone leeway when in 4mths you've been paid late, and the 5th month you didn't pay at all. So no the tutor isn't unreasonable at all. Say you started a new job or new claim, got your UC late or wages late, meaning you couldn't pay your rent or electric etc. You then incur extra fees for paying late. Then a month or 2 later you just don't get anything at all. You would be furious. Why should the tutor put up with that? The tutor has a waiting list and they get the next place. You would not risk going a second month without payment and make it so you only get 50% of what you're entitled to. You're not worth the risk. Sorry but you're being very unreasonable.

I just feel that someone this unkind and impatient should not be working with children to be honest.

She IS being kind - to a child on the wait list for her services.

YOU messed up. Hopefully the other parents are more responsible with services they clearly want to keep.

Oh ffs! I knew something was niggling at the back of my mind about this.

I actually love that she let you turn up and waste your own time and embarrass yourselves.

just like you wasted her time, and she has had to chase you for payment!

OP, you are clueless. You get paid regardless of a parental error but the tutor doesn’t. Your attitude smacks of entitlement and you have no understanding of being self employed. The tutor is protecting herself financially by removing you as a scatty parent. There is no excuse not to have paid once you received a reminder.

You are so entitled. You couldn't be bothered to prioritise paying but it's the tutor that's unreasonable. Added to that you paid late before. The tutor has my backing.

Nobody’s fault except yours!

The tutor isn't punishing your child; she's punishing you.
And I'm afraid that's your own fault. Don't start criticising her teaching qualities. You're in no position to complain about others.

You are not a bad person but you are unbelievably entitled!!!! She's not punishing your child, she's working. And actually, most tutors do it to fit in their lives around childcare etc, so for you to make assumptions about her not working with children because you think she's wrong is, again, massively entitled. A disadvantaged child is not a child that has no private tutor, it really does mean a totally different thing that by the sounds of it, you know nothing about. Sounds like she is better off without you as a client tbh.

You cancelled the lessons, not the tutor.