Tutor canceled lessons!

[grassisgreener2015]

AIBU to think our (now ex) tutor has behaved unreasonably?

Our 11 plus tutor charges monthly in advance and I stupidly forgot to pay for February's lessons on time. She did remind me once about the invoice but it just slipped my mind as it's been a really busy few weeks.

We turned up for our lesson on Friday and she actually turned us away and had arranged for another family to take our place! I feel really embarrassed as the other family are from our school and they were there when she sent us away.

We've been having lessons since September and I've only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons and we're really pleased with our child's progress.

I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

All it shows is that the OP has zero respect for the tutor.

I experienced this from a couple of parents over the years.

The child would turn up on their own and I'd ask for 'the cheque'- it wasn't there.
The same would happen the next week - 'Mummy forgot'.

This made me feel undervalued and not wanting to work with the family.

On the other hand I had parents who (for various reasons) had a temporary blip in their finances and couldn't pay half a term upfront. They behaved like adults- they asked if they could pay me weekly and yes, it would be paid, and it was.

Tutors can be understanding if parents are reasonable but not when they keep trying it on, paying late, time after time.

You have left your child without their tutor because of your actions.

You effectively cancelled it yourself by not paying and ignoring a reminder.

The tutor isn't punishing your child. They have not been paid to provide a service to your child, so they aren't providing that service to your child.

Look we all get it, it’s easy for things to slip through the net.

But in this case it does seem as though the first reaction you had was to blame the tutor and say some pretty unforgivable things about them. Can you see why that might make people react badly to you?

In your position I’d review my admin systems, maybe set up standing orders or alerts on your phone. Assign some things to your other half. Have a chat with the person in school and explain what happened and how sorry you were for it, then have a bit of a laugh. But try not to let your immediate reaction in the future be to blame someone else when you’ve buggered something up, it won’t help.

I saw a very very similar one about a childminder who op forgot to pay and was late once previously so the childminder cancelled their place.

It's too similar writing style and situation which makes me think it's the same poster - so either someone terrible with paying their bills, or trying to write it into different scenarios to see if they can ever get people to agree they are in the right.

Yes and no one is punishing anyone, it’s just a business relationship which is operating according to the T&Cs you agreed to. Try not to take it too personally.

For our tutor we also paid monthly in advance and on day 1 of the new block (he taught in blocks) we would turn up at his house with cash. When dc could not make it (clashed with the school timetable, competitions, etc.) and we knew about it well in advance, we never dared to ask to re-schedule, because we thought it would be cheeky - maybe it is just my past of having been a tutor. Basically, you don't turn up, you lose the money, you cancel, you lose the money, this is the only way tutors can operate.

Humans can say mean things on a forum to defend their position, without making them a bad person.

Clearly OP is blind to their own failings in this scenario and is therefore raging at the tutor.
That doesn’t fundamentally make OP a bad person.

I decided to take payment on booking for the first session and have a 24 hour payment in advance policy as I'd been messed around too much. I once turned up to a first session in the days when I rented a room by the hour and the client wasn't there. When I called them they said they were working away and forgot to cancel. I lost the session fee and still had to pay for the room and decided I'd need firmer boundaries.

My very long standing clients who came to me before I put this policy in place still pay on the day - no problem - but they do fully understand why short notice cancellations are chargeable.

I don't allow my time to be wasted and I, like this tutor, have plenty of work. I wouldn't have put up with your behaviour @grassisgreener2015 .

If she's in demand, as many are, then she's well within her rights to allow others to take the place if you are late with payment.

She did remind you and she does have her own bills to pay.

I assume you're not teaching?

Mot tutors now ask for half a term in advance.

But it doesn’t make her a good person…

And stating “I’m not a bad person” is no recommendation either!

The only person she should be raging about is herself, not calling into question the professionalism of the tutor.

Her behaviour and attitude is bad.

Her posts where she undermines the tutor's personality and fitness for teaching are an example.

She however puts herself on a pedestal, saying she'd never behave like the tutor because SHE works with children too.

Your post comes across as so self entitled.

Its YOU that has behaved unreasonably.

You ‘forgot’ to pay.

You ignored the reminder.

Its not the first time you have been late making payment.

You then have the audacity to turn up expecting the tutors time when you haven’t paid and you have ignored the reminder.

Let this be a lesson to you to treat service providers with respect and pay them on time.

I'm self employed and also get paid for 4/5 sessions in advance. People don't understand that this is literally how we live. You paid late twice in about 6 months. That's two months where the tutor was short to pay their own rent/mortgage/groceries. I'd drop that client very quickly.

Less than 6 months and you've paid late twice. You were aware of the terms and conditions and were given a reminder, which tutor was in no way obliged to give- that was your pre warning/leeway
You don't pay, you don't receive the service. That's how it works
This is not your child's fault either, it's solely on you.
I've been a tutor and it is bloody hard to get people to pay at the best of times

But I never said it did 😂
There’s not enough in this thread to say whether OP is a good / bad person.
They certainly lack self awareness, they’re unable to portray themselves positively on this thread, but none of that makes them a good or bad person.

You seem to be picking at this for a reaction, when if you read my prior comments I clearly state OP is entirely to blame, and I back the tutor. We agree with one another, so I’m not sure what you want to debate with me 😂

My child attends a group session for this and seems to be doing well, there are only 4 to a group, so you may be surprised by the group setting/quality of tutoring if this is the only one with space.
In our area even the group sessions are massively booked up in advance, I only just got a space and I enquired months in advance.
My guess is in the reminder to pay email she sent you, it would have said about the lessons being cancelled if no payment was forthcoming.
She was fully entitled to cancel you with no further communication if a reminder had already been sent and she had a waiting list.
Are you the same lady who forgot to pay her childminder before returning to work for her youngest because the threads are very similar?

No, I'm not a tutor. Different line of work but one where there's potential to be messed around if you aren't clear in your terms and conditions. When clients enquire they accept them. If they don't find them acceptable they're free to go elsewhere.

As a piano teacher who has to remind multiple people each term, you are being highly unreasonable. It's not just you, other people will be paying late too. Why should she keep a space for you? Personally I find it very unreasonable that I should expect to be hundreds of pounds out of pocket because multiple people 'forget' to pay me. And of course the other children waiting to fill the space are just as deserving as your dd, so why should the tutor favour her over them?

As with most other people, I will flex in cases of genuine need (some one who needs to pay weekly or monthly instead of by the half term for example); there is one family where Mum died recently and I give Dad all the latitude he needs while they are all grieving and he is taking on the parts of life that Mum previously managed. But every other parent pretty much is a 'busy working parent' - they earn money for their work so why shouldn't I?

Op I'm sure you are not a bad person, just disorganised, and maybe lacking self awareness/empathy?

It's very different to compare 'children in your class' with how a tutor operates. You can paid whatever, it doesn't depend on the parents behaviour.

Look at it from the tutors pov, you didn't pay, they sent a reminder and you still didn't pay. Saying you'd of done a bank transfer on the day is irrelevant because the tutor didn't know this. If you hadn't turned up, and they hadn't taken on a new child they'd have lost money, be reasonable!

Again, please read my original comments.

Ah yes, advice for the next one. Yes, she should def do that so she does not forget again!

Surely though you can see that the tutor is also not a bad person. You had two chances to pay, and the reminder made it clear that non payment would lead to the booking being cancelled. You then didn’t pay. Was the tutor supposed to still hold the space open on the off chance you did want it after all? And, if you hadn’t turned up just lose the income for that hour? You are being unreasonable, and are the only reason your child has missed out.

or just someone who gets a kick out of getting loads of replies?
to make a mn post up is disrespectful of people's instinct to care