Tutor canceled lessons!

[grassisgreener2015]

AIBU to think our (now ex) tutor has behaved unreasonably?

Our 11 plus tutor charges monthly in advance and I stupidly forgot to pay for February's lessons on time. She did remind me once about the invoice but it just slipped my mind as it's been a really busy few weeks.

We turned up for our lesson on Friday and she actually turned us away and had arranged for another family to take our place! I feel really embarrassed as the other family are from our school and they were there when she sent us away.

We've been having lessons since September and I've only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons and we're really pleased with our child's progress.

I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

Im with your tutor I'm sorry to say. Chasing people for money is an absolute pain. And when your self employed you have to be a bit hard or you'll get absolutely walked all over.

You didn't pay on time, you were reminded and still didn't pay. So quite rightly she gave away your place.

So she should lose her income (and you have no idea how necessary it is) to be 'kind'

Do you or your husband ever lose your salary? How do your creditors feel about that?

You didn't pay on time, twice. She is more than likely kind and patient to the children but when you fail to pay, twice she won't be able to pay her bills, buy food etc. of course she is going to find another client, it's got nothing to do with your child it's your attitude

Whenever I read threads like this, I'm so grateful for my clients who understand I'm not a charity.

It was more advice for next time should she find a new tutor. It’s probably too late for this one.

It’s not that (I) think you’re a bad person, but as someone who works in a school and has a busy life, surely you can see it isn’t the tutors job to nag you to pay them what is owed. They too are busy.
I presume you had no contact between their request for money & you showing up so they had no way of knowing if you still intended on arriving for your the space. So the expectation by default from yourself is that they sat there unpaid, and another child missed out on their (clearly valuable) time.

I really think you need to just accept responsibility. It’s your own fault your DC lost their place with their tutor. Clearly given how hard it is to replace them, you are now very aware of how for every non-payer a tutor has, they probably have 3/5 keen parents on a waiting list.
You just need to learn from your mistakes.

You expect a more personal text and she would expect an on time payment, so it seems neither of your expectations were met.

It is about being a good fit or her ability to work with children - you didn’t pay and she can’t keep the slot.

not paying or responding to the email is pretty much saying you don’t want the slot and therefore she did the only thing she could do passed it on

yes it was an accident but it was your fault and your responsibility- no other tutor is going to do anything different if you fail to pay them.

the only thing to do is own it, recognise this is on you and put plans in place it doesn’t happen again

I know. I've acknowledged that in a subsequent post and I apologise again for missing it.

I have a good friend who music tutors kids and she used to give more leeway until she realised certain parents just didn't take her business seriously because they didn't feel the consequences. They would leave it and leave it until it was convenient for them to pay, sometimes a whole term. They were supposed to pay weekly (or in advance) and it was her living.

She started a two strikes and you're out policy and received some truly aggressive emails from parents who were used to paying when they felt like it. Worse, they would send their child in to the class with their instrument to say Mummy's so sorry she forgot again. Middle class parents, none short of money - they just felt entitled to pay her when they remembered.

When I was a lot younger, I was this casual with a hairdresser, arriving late, cancelling at the last minute etc. The last time I did it she charged me for a missed session and said she didn't want me as a customer any more. That woke me up.

You rocked up to a tutoring session without having paid first despite a reminder and you call the tutor rude?? Get a grip!!

It's a pity the tutor isn't more understanding but maybe that's why she's no longer a class teacher.

Wow! Maybe she's no longer a class teacher so she doesn't have to deal with parents like you? and have freedom to tell them where to go?
I suspect it's the reason to hundreds of other teachers leaving profession - parents like you

You don’t get to play the victim when you’ve disrespected someone’s time and effort. You've fucked up. If you can’t handle basic responsibility like paying on time, that’s on you, not anyone else. Take accountability instead of acting like you’re the one who’s been wronged. Focus your energy on finding another tutor for your dc, and let this be a lesson in how not to treat people.

You say you’re not a bad person - yet you’ve suggested that this tutor is rude, unkind, impatient and should not be working with children, simply because she doesn’t want to work with your child for nothing (and had given you ample warning).

You talk as if she owed you something because of your long relationship - all of four months, and you’d paid her late once before! No doubt she has bills to pay, just as you do.

She's not "punishing your child". She’s punishing you. The effect on your child is unfortunate, but that is your responsibility, not hers.

It's only "such a shame" for your (really, your dd), though. Given the tutor has already managed to replace you, and didn't feel the need to give you another chance she is clearly doing well with her business - she has now replaced a cancelling, late paying customer with a better one, so it's actually worked out well for her. The only one who loses out is your dd, and that's on you.

Presuming a lesson a week, since September that's approximately 24 lessons. As pay is monthly and you've forgotten twice, that's 8 out of 24 lessons you didn't pay for, or paid laid, plus several cancellations, so between half and a third of all the lessons have been mucked around with in some way. You didn't even bother to read the chasing email properly, which shows how little value you accord the tutor. Why would she have any reason to believe that you would have " I'd have done a bank transfer on the spot if I'd been given the chance," as you HAD been given multiple chances every single day since the original payment date, and hadn't bothered!

You might not think you're a bad person but at the very least you behaved badly towards her, AND then came online to slag her off and call her rude, impatient and unkind (apparently without irony)...for the crimes of wanting to be able to feed herself/her family and keep a roof over their heads. Those are not the actions of a nice person.

You were rude by not paying your bill at the agreed time or when reminded.

Agree...

Yet you didn't forget to rock up at the tutor's door expecting your DC to have their lesson you hadn't paid for in advance.

I’m sorry but I think these comments

I just feel that someone this unkind and impatient should not be working with children to be honest.
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It's a pity the tutor isn't more understanding but maybe that's why she's no longer a class teacher.
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I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

Make OP a “bad” person, totally uncalled for and not relevant to the fact she got cancelled, through her own fault.

The tail (you) was wagging the dog (tutor).
They were right to cancel you.

I swear I've read this before.

Anyway, OP, your level of entitlement is absolutely astounding. Brava.

Move on. The tutor has. And you can't do a thing about it, apart from what you are doing, which is throwing a little online tanty.

She is not 'punishing' your child she is following the procedure she set out to you and has reminded you of in her terms and conditions.
You are a busy working mum - there are literally millions of us. You have only begun in Sep and have been late 2 out of 6 times - a third of the time. After the first time - why not set a reminder - set up a standing order - leave post it notes?

She is clearly popular to have filled your space so quickly and probably has a waiting list. I doubt the other parent cares you didn't pay but if you don't want to be seen as someone who forgets to pay but still expects the service - then don't forget to pay in future.

I tutor and state that if someone cancels with less than 24 hours notice - they still pay, In practise I have not invoked this because it has so rarely happened and I have usually built quite long standing relationships with people who pay on time. However, someone who had only just started and had already had one reminder, I would have expected payment.

The tutor was not unkind, she was not impatient, she gave you fair warning. It's a valuable lesson to your child to pay bills on time.

I am a self-employed freelancer and used to be a tutor in the past. I am with the tutor 100%.

OP, you’re not going to be a ‘good fit’ with any tutor you treat with this level of contempt. There isn’t wrong on both sides here. This is entirely your fault. She’s done nothing wrong. She’s not a bad person either, or unkind, or impatient, or not good enough to be a ‘proper’ teacher, or punishing your kid or any of the spiteful things you’ve said about her in this thread. But it’s obviously going to be a cold day in hell before you admit that, so there you go. You couldn’t pay me enough to tutor a child whose parent was this much hassle.