Page 18 | Tutor canceled lessons!

grassisgreener2015 · 2025-02-10T08:13:54+00:00

AIBU to think our (now ex) tutor has behaved unreasonably? Our 11 plus tutor charges monthly in advance and I stupidly forgot to pay for February's lessons on time. She did remind me once about the invoice but it just slipped my mind as it's been a really busy few weeks. We turned up for our lesson on Friday and she actually turned us away and had arranged for another family to take our place! I feel really embarrassed as the other family are from our school and they were there when she sent us away. We've been having lessons since September and I've only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons and we're really pleased with our child's progress. I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

ILoveRadio6 · 10/02/2025 12:27

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 09:04

Why so unpleasant?

I'm a busy working mum who made a mistake.

I'll have to look for a new tutor.

I accept I made a mistake. It's a pity the tutor isn't more understanding but maybe that's why she's no longer a class teacher. I do understand that she has bills to pay and I wasn't planning to never pay the invoice, I'm not a thief and i wasnt expecting lessons for free! I do accept she won't be continuing with us though. Such a shame.

Edited

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She isn't a class teacher anymore because she isn't understanding?

What?

She isn't a class teacher any more because of behaviour and parental attitudes I expect.

WigglyVonWaggly · 10/02/2025 12:29

The lessons are reserved for you on the basis that you pay for them to book them. You were invoiced and didn’t pay, then you were reminded and didn’t pay. Should the tutor really send a third request for payment or do you think it’s fair that there has to be a cut off point for chasing and they can open their diary to others waiting for a slot? It’s on you to be organised.

MyrtleLion · 10/02/2025 12:31

If you could have made a bank transfer on spot, why didn't you do that when you were reminded?

OhDeerohDeerie · 10/02/2025 12:31

lnks · 10/02/2025 08:18

Oh it’s you again. Why do you post this every month?

😨

Justalittlehandhold · 10/02/2025 12:32

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 12:26

Lots of replies! I've been working and am now on lunch on break.

No, I'm not a troll and I'm not the tutor! I'm just a busy working mum who also works with children! So I have an understanding that sometimes things crop up and people forget things. I'd never punish a child in my class for something that was thier parent's fault.

I've still heard nothing from the tutor although this is probably for the best as we clearly weren't a good fit. I'm emailing other tutors now hoping one can fit us in. The only spaces seem to be in groups or online though. I'm not sure this will be as good as 1:1 and face to face and I'm kicking myself for forgetting to pay.

I had genuinely forgotten about the payment until we got to the tutor's house. I'd never expect her to work for free though. I'd have done a bank transfer on the spot if I'd been given the chance. I feel so embarrassed as I work at my child's school and see the other parents on a regular basis.

I did apologise to the tutor but by then she'd given the space away and said there was nothing she could do. I'm not a bad person.

You’re still bemoaning you’re busy! We are all busy!

You need to be better organised and set up a system for life admin.

Embarrassed yourself, so no point complaining ing about that.

MalleusMaleficarumm · 10/02/2025 12:33

You’re fully responsible for your child being disadvantaged OP I’m afraid, should have paid your bills on time. I honestly can’t understand why you or anyone else on this thread would think the tutor was the unreasonable one. Funny how the tutor is now unkind and impatient only now as she gave your space away isn’t it!

Maybe put more effort into remembering to pay than remembering to post on mumsnet…

Hammy19 · 10/02/2025 12:33

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 08:30

She was saying she's fully booked on friday, although I'm not sure that's completely true. I've suggested maybe she could offer us cancellation lessons or maybe squeeze us in as an extra but she's not replied to my emails sent over the weekend.

Yes, I can now see that her email reminder did say that if the invoice was not paid, lessons would be cancelled but I'd still expect a more personal text or phonecall before actually replacing us bearing in mind we've been with her since September!

I just feel that someone this unkind and impatient should not be working with children to be honest. She's left our child with no tutor and they're now disadvantaged compared to their friends (grammar area). They are so keen to take the 11 plus and it seems so wrong for her to be punishing a child for my small mistake.

YOU have left your child without a tutor

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 10/02/2025 12:33

MyrtleLion · 10/02/2025 12:31

If you could have made a bank transfer on spot, why didn't you do that when you were reminded?

Exactly!

Bingbong2024 · 10/02/2025 12:35

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 12:26

Lots of replies! I've been working and am now on lunch on break.

No, I'm not a troll and I'm not the tutor! I'm just a busy working mum who also works with children! So I have an understanding that sometimes things crop up and people forget things. I'd never punish a child in my class for something that was thier parent's fault.

I've still heard nothing from the tutor although this is probably for the best as we clearly weren't a good fit. I'm emailing other tutors now hoping one can fit us in. The only spaces seem to be in groups or online though. I'm not sure this will be as good as 1:1 and face to face and I'm kicking myself for forgetting to pay.

I had genuinely forgotten about the payment until we got to the tutor's house. I'd never expect her to work for free though. I'd have done a bank transfer on the spot if I'd been given the chance. I feel so embarrassed as I work at my child's school and see the other parents on a regular basis.

I did apologise to the tutor but by then she'd given the space away and said there was nothing she could do. I'm not a bad person.

The difference being that you not 'punishing' a child in your class for something that is their parent's fault, doesn't result in you not being paid for the work you do for them! You cannot compare the two! You didn't prioritise making the payment, even at the second request, you let your child down, you are the reason they don't have a tutor, the world doesn't owe you constant favours because you're a parent with a job like most of us are! Prioritise the things that you say are important by acting like they are. Want to keep a place? Pay for it!

Jesusisking23 · 10/02/2025 12:35

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 08:30

She was saying she's fully booked on friday, although I'm not sure that's completely true. I've suggested maybe she could offer us cancellation lessons or maybe squeeze us in as an extra but she's not replied to my emails sent over the weekend.

Yes, I can now see that her email reminder did say that if the invoice was not paid, lessons would be cancelled but I'd still expect a more personal text or phonecall before actually replacing us bearing in mind we've been with her since September!

I just feel that someone this unkind and impatient should not be working with children to be honest. She's left our child with no tutor and they're now disadvantaged compared to their friends (grammar area). They are so keen to take the 11 plus and it seems so wrong for her to be punishing a child for my small mistake.

She hasn’t left your child with no tutor - you have because you didn’t pay. It’s fairly stated in her email so I don’t know what else you would expect

LookItsMeAgain · 10/02/2025 12:37

Lowkey28 · 10/02/2025 11:39

Seemed ok to work with children when she had her child’s place haha

Very good point.

Well made there @Lowkey28 !

When the OP's child had a spot with this particular tutor there was no issue with their behaviour around children, it only started when the tutor refused to, as per the agreed T's & C's, continue having the OP's kid for tutoring sessions. Mad how that worked out....

Writerbiter · 10/02/2025 12:38

I'm a busy working mum
I'm sure the other clients are too, they all manage to pay on time though.

Just own your mistake and stop blaming everyone else.

GreenFingersHelp · 10/02/2025 12:39

From your update it sounds as if you're a TA in a school. Or a lunchtime asst.

So I have an understanding that sometimes things crop up and people forget things. I'd never punish a child in my class for something that was thier parent's fault.

So in your opinion the tutor has 'punished' your child because you forgot (twice) to pay for their lessons?

You perceive their behaviour as a punishment for your child? Seriously?

It's you that has let your child down, not the tutor.

Your lack of self awareness is shocking.

You clearly aren't taking responsibility for what you've done. Trying to cover yourself in glory by saying 'you have an understanding...' isn't the point.

You didn't pay. You had reminders.

Stop being passive aggressive and blaming the tutor.

ilovesooty · 10/02/2025 12:39

You still think the tutor is punishing your child.
You're still not taking responsibility.
And if you work in a school your comment about the tutor not being a class teacher anymore is even more appalling.

GreenFingersHelp · 10/02/2025 12:41

ilovesooty · 10/02/2025 12:39

You still think the tutor is punishing your child.
You're still not taking responsibility.
And if you work in a school your comment about the tutor not being a class teacher anymore is even more appalling.

Exactly.

To say in effect 'Oh the tutor couldn't get a job in a school so she's just a tutor now' says so much about you.

Total lack of respect and throwing your toys out of the pram.

BeaAndBen · 10/02/2025 12:42

No, you aren’t a bad person. But you are behaving like an arrogant one when you expect your repeated failures to somehow be overlooked, despite the terms and conditions.

You have only been a client for 6 months, one of which you had already paid late. Then you forgot to pay again, despite being reminded. That’s 2 out of only 6. So she binned you for someone else.

Own it, accept that you are the one who messed your child’s tutoring up, respect the tutor for being professional and maintaining boundaries. And move on.

MyrtleLion · 10/02/2025 12:42

Also, what if you had decided you couldn't afford it, or didn't want the tutoring but didn't say because you were embarrassed? What if the tutor had held the spot and you hadn't turned up? They would be out of pocket.

I'm almost tempted to do an AIBU because I'm a tutor and my client didn't pay despite a reminder. I cancelled the slot (which I had said i would if she didn't pay) and took on another child and now she's accusing me of being rude and unkind. AIBU?

dancingdaisies · 10/02/2025 12:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

TimeForTeaAndG · 10/02/2025 12:45

Oh for goodness sake. It's not a punishment, it's a business agreement and you broke your end of the contract by failing to pay. She then implemented her terms and conditions as is her right.

If you're that busy you should have set up a standing order so money would go out of your account on time every time.

CerealPosterHere · 10/02/2025 12:45

You've used her for six months. This is your second time of not paying on time. That's a third of your bills paid late. I can see why she doesn't want you/your dc as a client again. Good tutors are very much in demand, she has replaced you with someone she doesn't need to chase.

Justalittlehandhold · 10/02/2025 12:48

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 12:26

Lots of replies! I've been working and am now on lunch on break.

No, I'm not a troll and I'm not the tutor! I'm just a busy working mum who also works with children! So I have an understanding that sometimes things crop up and people forget things. I'd never punish a child in my class for something that was thier parent's fault.

I've still heard nothing from the tutor although this is probably for the best as we clearly weren't a good fit. I'm emailing other tutors now hoping one can fit us in. The only spaces seem to be in groups or online though. I'm not sure this will be as good as 1:1 and face to face and I'm kicking myself for forgetting to pay.

I had genuinely forgotten about the payment until we got to the tutor's house. I'd never expect her to work for free though. I'd have done a bank transfer on the spot if I'd been given the chance. I feel so embarrassed as I work at my child's school and see the other parents on a regular basis.

I did apologise to the tutor but by then she'd given the space away and said there was nothing she could do. I'm not a bad person.

Do more life admin during your lunch break and less mumsnetting, will serve you well.

Is such a disorganised and forgetful person, being so
unable to deal with being busy the right person to be working with children? Maybe look at your working with children, rather than the tutor.

Cakeandusername · 10/02/2025 12:48

Good for the tutor. One reminder clearly stating what would happen if failed to again. The tutor shouldn’t be having to waste time chasing you.
I think some parents absolutely take the mickey re payment and schools and groups often overlook it as it’s the child affected. Then parents are shocked when someone actually says no.

SuperTrooper14 · 10/02/2025 12:49

I'd never punish a child in my class for something that was thier parent's fault.

Spelling error aside, anything a parent did that impacted a child in your class wouldn't impact you paying your mortgage/council tax/water bill etc.

Snorlaxo · 10/02/2025 12:49

You’re not a bad person but you need to take responsibility. People are busy but banks have automated ways of setting up future payments that you could have set up after the first time that you forgot. You have disadvantaged your son, not the tutor. Your comments about why the tutor doesn’t work in a school are awful and you should be embarrassed by them. The tutor isn’t punishing your son- she has punished you for forgetting again and she has every right to do so.

BunnyLake · 10/02/2025 12:52

ilovesooty · 10/02/2025 12:21

As I said before, the terms and conditions are clear in the reminder email. The tutor was under no obligation to inform her again.

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I acknowledged that in a later post, missed it at first.