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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tutor canceled lessons!

897 replies

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 08:13

AIBU to think our (now ex) tutor has behaved unreasonably?

Our 11 plus tutor charges monthly in advance and I stupidly forgot to pay for February's lessons on time. She did remind me once about the invoice but it just slipped my mind as it's been a really busy few weeks.

We turned up for our lesson on Friday and she actually turned us away and had arranged for another family to take our place! I feel really embarrassed as the other family are from our school and they were there when she sent us away.

We've been having lessons since September and I've only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons and we're really pleased with our child's progress.

I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

OP posts:
Penguinmouse · 10/02/2025 12:02

You didn’t pay on time and after a reminder. Tutor absolutely within their rights to give up your space, they’re self-employed. Would you be happy with your employer “forgetting” pay day because they’ve been busy?

Blisteringlycold · 10/02/2025 12:02

This is SURELY a wind up.

Arran2024 · 10/02/2025 12:05

I think you should pay on time and i think she could have given you a heads up at least to confirm she was cancelling you BUT also, you are part of the tutoring system, trying to get your child an advantage to get into grammar school. This is a dog eat dog world you have entered - you need to up your game!

Getupat8amnow · 10/02/2025 12:06

Bestthriller · 10/02/2025 09:05

Why so unpleasant?

the lack of insight you display op is quite astonishing

This.

OP you lack self awareness regarding your behaviour and comments regarding the tutor.

Namerequired · 10/02/2025 12:13

You’re still blaming the tutor? September isn’t that long. This is your second late payment and also ignored the reminder. How late were you last time? Add to this you’ve cancelled a few lessons. I assume you still paid for those but it would still be frustrating for them. Yabvu. I hope you learn from this for the next tutor.

Stravaig · 10/02/2025 12:13

OP, if you really want your child to learn with this tutor, you could try the following:

First, a grovelling apology, in which you fully accept how disrespectful to the tutor and negligent to your child's education you have been. You can't fake this, as sincerity and tone is everything, so you will have to actually do this piece of personal work.

Two, politely ask if you can join her waiting list for a new regular slot, on the proviso that you will pay for the full term or full year in advance. Accept that you will not be refunded for any sessions you cancel. (I suspect that your 'cancelled very few lessons' in just six months was also part of the problem.)

Be graceful if she says No.

RubyRedBow · 10/02/2025 12:14

Are you the person who didn’t pay their childminder?

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 10/02/2025 12:15

RubyRedBow · 10/02/2025 12:14

Are you the person who didn’t pay their childminder?

Ha! I was thinking exactly the same thing.

Flavabobble · 10/02/2025 12:17

It takes some nerve to turn up to a lesson you haven't paid for.😄

ilovesooty · 10/02/2025 12:20

Clearinguptheclutter · 10/02/2025 11:41

Tutor was right however she should have explained that another family had taken the a lot before you set out

It was made clear in the reminder email that failing to pay would result in the session being lost and the contract being deemed broken. Why would the tutor waste any more time on the OP?

GabriellaMontez · 10/02/2025 12:20

You didn't pay.
You ignored the reminder.
You turned up anyway.
You were <surprised> the tutor had replaced you...

Can anyone really be so thick skinned??

GrumpyMuleFan · 10/02/2025 12:21

Gosh Op. You sound so entitled - you expect more courtesy, someone like this shouldn’t be working with children, she’s not patient so this is why she’s no longer a class teacher. You email her over the weekend. . .

I hate to add to the obvious, but you sound hideous and maybe your tutor is delighted to see the back of you.

Also, the other family were probably embarrassed by your reaction and the thought that you hadn’t paid your bills.

ilovesooty · 10/02/2025 12:21

BunnyLake · 10/02/2025 11:43

I voted YNBU (I must be the 1% 🤦‍♀️) but only because I think she could have sent you an email or text confirming your lessons have been stopped. You were most certainly unreasonable though not to have paid on time or made yourself a reminder on your phone. You wouldn't be happy about your employer's forgetting to pay you, it’s the same thing.

As I said before, the terms and conditions are clear in the reminder email. The tutor was under no obligation to inform her again.

SchoolDilemma17 · 10/02/2025 12:22

you must be joking! You clearly don’t value her time.
i am self employed too and chasing clients is the worst. we all have busy lives and she sent you one reminder already.

We pay our tutor one term in advance btw!

ilovesooty · 10/02/2025 12:23

BunnyLake · 10/02/2025 11:47

Ah I didn’t see that bit so said tutor could have let her know. OP is entirely at fault in this. That’s the risk you take when you don’t take a bill reminder seriously.

Show quote history

Sorry, hadn't seen this subsequent post.

iamsoshocked · 10/02/2025 12:23

I know a music tutor who won't start lessons each term until the invoice is paid. Sounds a good idea to me. Makes people like the OP pay up.
I am also a tutor and each term I have to chase up over £1000 of late payments. It's very annoying.

SchoolDilemma17 · 10/02/2025 12:24

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 09:04

Why so unpleasant?

I'm a busy working mum who made a mistake.

I'll have to look for a new tutor.

I accept I made a mistake. It's a pity the tutor isn't more understanding but maybe that's why she's no longer a class teacher. I do understand that she has bills to pay and I wasn't planning to never pay the invoice, I'm not a thief and i wasnt expecting lessons for free! I do accept she won't be continuing with us though. Such a shame.

Edited
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shame for you, not for her, she has another client now who actually pays her.

zerogrey · 10/02/2025 12:24

Not this again

StressedLP1 · 10/02/2025 12:25

I assume this is a reverse.

if not, you breached a material term of your contract. Twice. Tutor well within reason to terminate it.

ManchesterLu · 10/02/2025 12:25

Pay on time, the tutor is not a charity, and has their own bills to pay.

tachetastic · 10/02/2025 12:25

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 09:04

Why so unpleasant?

I'm a busy working mum who made a mistake.

I'll have to look for a new tutor.

I accept I made a mistake. It's a pity the tutor isn't more understanding but maybe that's why she's no longer a class teacher. I do understand that she has bills to pay and I wasn't planning to never pay the invoice, I'm not a thief and i wasnt expecting lessons for free! I do accept she won't be continuing with us though. Such a shame.

Edited
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To be honest, if you talk to the tutor with anything like the tone you use when you talk about her I am not surprised she is not bending over backwards to accommodate you. You come over as expecting quite a lot but being prepared to bend yourself very little.

I'm sure it will all work out fine in the end. You will find a tutor who is so desperate for work that they won't mind being late every second or third month, and she will find clients who respect the value she adds enough to make sure she is paid on time.

If this outcome is to your DC's detriment I am afraid that is solely on you.

MyrtleLion · 10/02/2025 12:25

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 09:04

Why so unpleasant?

I'm a busy working mum who made a mistake.

I'll have to look for a new tutor.

I accept I made a mistake. It's a pity the tutor isn't more understanding but maybe that's why she's no longer a class teacher. I do understand that she has bills to pay and I wasn't planning to never pay the invoice, I'm not a thief and i wasnt expecting lessons for free! I do accept she won't be continuing with us though. Such a shame.

Edited
Show quote history

You could and should have set up a standing order.

Why are you saying a tutor should be kinder because they work with children? Why weren't you kinder to remember (having been reminded) to pay their bill? It's not the tutor's fault or their responsibility. This is all on you.

DailyEnergyCrisis · 10/02/2025 12:26

DD has two tutors and they are an absolute godsend (she has SEN and they have transformed her learning). I pay the invoices the day I receive them (there’s 7 days to pay) and give thoughtful gifts at Xmas and end of term- I could not for a second imagine fucking these people around. It’s a good lesson learnt.

I think there’s much more flexibility with club invoices where pretty much all will give you a week or twos grace and wave away apologies saying it’s expected that people will pay late. When it’s an individual persons income, they are in demand and they’re high value to your family you can’t fuck them off.

steppemum · 10/02/2025 12:26

I am an 11+ tutor with a waiting list.

To be honest I can see both sides of this.
I don't charge in advance, and I don't charge if a child misses one lesson due to sickness.

But sometimes parents are really out of order.
Announcing 2 weeks before the end of term that they will miss the next 2 lessons because they are on holiday. Or that no homework has been done because they were busy.
That also messes up me with the lesson they are about to do (which assumes homework is done), planning for holiday work, end of term assessments etc.
Now I charge if they miss 2 lessons, and regular no homework puts them on a warning that I will not continue.

Every lesson missed is money that I don't get, and my income falls short. Parents don't seem to understand that.

But I think this tutor either wanted to get rid of you (maybe due to late payment, maybe your kid is a pain, maybe you are difficult to deal with, who knows) or they are very hard nosed.
I would have sent a personal message via text to say that because you have not paid, I am cancelling. I would not have turned away a kid I have worked with for 6 months without calling the parent.

Original poster
grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 12:26

Lots of replies! I've been working and am now on lunch on break.

No, I'm not a troll and I'm not the tutor! I'm just a busy working mum who also works with children! So I have an understanding that sometimes things crop up and people forget things. I'd never punish a child in my class for something that was thier parent's fault.

I've still heard nothing from the tutor although this is probably for the best as we clearly weren't a good fit. I'm emailing other tutors now hoping one can fit us in. The only spaces seem to be in groups or online though. I'm not sure this will be as good as 1:1 and face to face and I'm kicking myself for forgetting to pay.

I had genuinely forgotten about the payment until we got to the tutor's house. I'd never expect her to work for free though. I'd have done a bank transfer on the spot if I'd been given the chance. I feel so embarrassed as I work at my child's school and see the other parents on a regular basis.

I did apologise to the tutor but by then she'd given the space away and said there was nothing she could do. I'm not a bad person.

OP posts: