Tutor canceled lessons!

[grassisgreener2015]

AIBU to think our (now ex) tutor has behaved unreasonably?

Our 11 plus tutor charges monthly in advance and I stupidly forgot to pay for February's lessons on time. She did remind me once about the invoice but it just slipped my mind as it's been a really busy few weeks.

We turned up for our lesson on Friday and she actually turned us away and had arranged for another family to take our place! I feel really embarrassed as the other family are from our school and they were there when she sent us away.

We've been having lessons since September and I've only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons and we're really pleased with our child's progress.

I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

I think its abit of both .. you are at fault for not paying but its odd at the last session you had the tutor didn't tell you that she'd booked someone' else in your slot for the following week. I'm assuming you have sessions every week so how either of you couldn't figure this out is strange.

Would you be understanding if your employer forgot to pay you after you reminded them twice? Somehow I don't think so

This attitude to the self-employed pisses me off. Like we should be happy for your business and be understanding about you not paying your bill or reading terms of service.

Why don't you believe she's filled the slot? If she's good at her job, she'll have a waiting list. I don't chase non-paying clients. One reminder is all they get.

If she has a waiting list it makes complete sense to offer to another parent who is reliable.

OP you talk of not being rude, not being unkind, of your child being left with no tutor and they're now disadvantaged compared to their friends. It is you that did all that, not the tutor. You knew how much your child wants to take the 11 plus and it was very wrong for you to risk that for your child by messing them around so much when you had a tutor you liked. Time to grow up and accept responsibility for your actions.

What the tutor did do was - teach your child well, forgive your first late payment, give you a chance by reminding you on your second late payment. They were very professional.

(although I do think this is a reverse)

"A" mistake??

No.

1. You failed to pay her invoices.
2. You failed to pay her reminder
3. You failed to prioritise your child's learning over your fecklessness
4. You embarrassed your child by turning up expecting a free lesson
5. You think you have somehow been wronged 😂😂😂
6. You posted in AIBU, got your arse handed to you, and are now complaining that posters are unpleasant when you are unpleasant enough to expect a tutor to teach your kid for free. Priceless.

Totally your fault OP. It’s refreshing that a small business owner has the boundaries and clear expectations set out to do this.
You didn’t pay, she reminded you, you still didn’t pay - she cancelled.
These are the exact qualities I’d expect of someone teaching young people 11+ skills (and I went to grammar school followed by oxbridge).

From your posts it seems like you were happy with the tutor and the progress your child was making. Then you go on to call the tutor impatient and unkind because of a mistake you made. You're the one being unkind here!

I understand that that being a working mum and 11 plus year is very hard, but you could have done numerous things to avoid this - paid as soon as you received the invoice, paid as soon as you received the email/text reminder or put in a reminder to pay later that day if you were on the go when you received the reminder.
I'm sure all working parents at some point have not read an important school email or forgotten a dress up day. You need to accept this is on you and not blame the tutor. If your child missed out on a school trip because you forgot to pay on time, would you blame the school for not reminding you again and not keeping a space for your child even though you didn't pay. You wouldn't!

I'm really sorry your child is missing out, but don't shift the blame for this.

I hope you find another tutor 🤞🤞

You've been with her less than 6 months and not paid on time twice. If you'd have been a much longer standing customer and never forgotten before, I would have probably extended a further reminder as a courtesy however you are not in this position.
We have very limited times on when we can have tutoring so when a tutor becomes available, we move heaven and earth to make cancellations are minimised and payments are made on time.

It was a nursery last time I read it.

You do realise that she told you her rates and you agreed to pay the tutor monthly. You did not do what you were supposed to do: pay them for their work, on time. The tutor has not disadvantaged your child, you have by not paying when you were meant to, not once, but twice, and with a reminder email ignored. This is on you, not the tutor. Next time, recognise that you were happy with the tutor, they did what you asked and your child liked them and weee benefiting and when you did not do what you had agreed to, as in pay them at a set point each month, they decided to proceed with someone more reliable. This is a valuable lesson about respecting all forms of work, not just your own. With regards to being embarrassed, perhaps next time, pay on time and this won’t occur. She is working, she is a professional, like you, and deserves to receive her pay as you expect to monthly receive yours. She is not unkind to behaving this way: treat those as you wish to be treated is a good mantra here!

It probably was a bit rude of her to not notify you earlier.

On the other hand, there's probably nothing more rude or disrespectful than not paying people the money they ask for, on time, for a service they provide. How would you feel if your employer made a "small mistake" and didn't pay you on time?

Some people are disrespectful to people who have been disrespectful to them.

It's not the tutor who's put your DC in this position. It's you.

99% of people aren't wrong.

But OP didn't have a slot - she didnt pay for a slot, so why do you think the tutor should waste even more time telling her the blatantly obvious?

I only have a Tesco slot at 3pm Mondays if I ACTUALLY PAY for it. They don't keep it open for me saying "well MTP312 has used us for 6 months so we will deliver her food for her, even though she hasn't paid"

Why should a tutor do any different with their services?

You're expecting her to prioritise your child's 11+ tutoring to a higher degree than you are prioritising it. That's a bit unrealistic.

I am very scatty so as soon as a I get an invoice I pay it, because otherwise I know I'll forget.

When I go to the physio, we have the handyman in, the window cleaner comes calling, I pay them by bank transfer before they leave so they know they have been paid.

Maybe you can do something similar with your next tutor.

Good point.

I agree with the tutor.
I have one family who is hell. They have several a week and NEVER pay on the Monday as agreed. This week I havent even had last weeks yet!!

This is pretty standard with most activities? You get the invoice, then a reminder then you’re removed from the lessons if you don’t pay. Why would you turn up to a lesson you hadn’t paid for?

Whether she is booked or not is none of your business.
She wasnt unkind, she was professional.
Your child being disadvantaged is your fault
She is a professional, this is your child.
Im not sure why you expected a more personal text, would you expect one from your hairdresser?

I don't think you understand my point. Yes you do have a slot with a tutor. To compare this to your shopping is hilarious. A teacher understands to some degree the parents believe they have ongoing lessons at a certain time. A reasonable person sends a message or communicates to the parent that as you haven't paid I'm filling your session with someone else. A teacher spends time with a child teaching them and knows that the lessons are probably wanted. TESCO OWES YOU NOTHING 😂

Oh the "busy working mum" line. You wouldn't like it if you had to waste some of your precious time (you're a busy working mum after all) chasing up your employer who couldn't be bothered to pay you on time.

I'm a tutor and I'm afraid people get one chance with me (which you had when you'd already paid late). If they don't pay on time a second time I'll give the slot to someone else because I've got a waiting list and I can't afford to have slots empty because unreliable people haven't paid.
If you don't pay on time to reserve your slot, the tutor has no way of knowing if you actually still want it and if you're going to turn up for the lessons or not. I've had that happen. Sometimes people don't want or need the tutoring any more and rather than just say that, they'll just stop paying and then do a flit.
So nope, people pay in advance and I do give people a reminder the first time they do it but after that I'll give the slot away.

There is no excuse for you not paying on time. You get the invoice. You transfer the money straightaway. The End.

I don't know whether you are the person who posts this sort of thing on a regular basis and whether you're on a wind up or what, but for the benefit of you and everyone else who uses a tutor, pay the tutor as soon as you get the invoice and then things like this won't happen.

You knew the conditions when you started and you failed to adhere to them. This is her livelihood. It is very awkward having to chase parents to pay especially when I know they pay their gardener/cleaner pronto. Twice in 4 months is poor and I have done same as your tutor this year.

You also question whether she really has no spaces left. I tutor but decided I didn’t want to tutor every day and didn’t want to tutor after 7pm. I stick to that and I am sure she is doing the similar.

It isn’t a question of her not caring for students, it’s a question of you being a parent needing to keep on top of admin. You screwed up not the tutor.

I'd still expect a more personal text or phonecall before actually replacing us bearing in mind we've been with her since September!

I'm not sure why she would bother, and use unbillable admin time, if she can easily fill the space with someone who will pay on time and doesn't need reminding.

Actually OP you made four mistakes.

1. You were late with a payment previously.
2. You were late with this payment.
3. You didn’t read your email properly about cancellations.
4. You assumed she should just make space for you and have some leeway when she has been more than accommodating.

I get you are frustrated but you messed up and want to blame the tutor who has done nothing wrong.

You say you aren’t a theif and we’re going to pay - how does she know that? Your track record says otherwise. You doubt she is full on a Friday - why would she Wayne you back. You don’t pay, you ignore invoices and are now frustrated.

This is 100% on you. Stop blaming her for your mistakes.

I just feel that someone this unkind and impatient should not be working with children to be honest. She's left our child with no tutor and they're now disadvantaged compared to their friends (grammar area). They are so keen to take the 11 plus and it seems so wrong for her to be punishing a child for my small mistake.

She was not being unkind OP. She has to pay her bills too. She can't be wasting her valuable time chasing payment! I hope the family she's replaced you with is kinder and prompt with their payments. You sound really nasty tbh, what with making digs at her about not being a class teacher anymore because she's unkind. Actually, she probably gave up teaching because she is a very good teacher and can earn a lot because of how good she is as a teacher (she's in demand) , and she doesn't have to spend long hours in a school. You sound very bitter and nasty. And get this loud and clear, she didn't leave your child with " no tutor and disadvantaged". You did. This is all on you. If you valued the teacher you wouldn't have "forgotten" to pay. You sound nasty, i am glad the tutor got rid of you.

You’re talking as though she’s a charity!! This is her business and you e broken her terms and conditions. She has replaced you with a new client as she has concerns that you did not pay on time. She does not get to pay her mortgage late without consequences.

I’ve had tutors for both of mine and never paid late - because I would hit the roof if my employer failed to pay me on time.