Not inviting my Dads wife to my wedding?

[JSS94]

Long long long story short - My dad has been with his wife for 20+ years in which I have not seen/spoken to her since I was of primary school age. I'm now 31 years old.

From what I know this is because she believed myself and my two brothers received preferential treatment to her two daughters (not my dad's daughters). My dad's wife excluded herself from my our side of the family and did not allow me and my brothers to meet our two half siblings she and my dad went on to have until their teenage years.

From what I have heard, my dads wife finds it difficult to keep friends, has fallen out with her own two daughters multiple times and currently one of her daughters refuses to even be in the same room as her due to her own personal reasons.

It's also important to note that myself and two brothers were never invited to my dad and his wife's wedding.

AIBU to not want her there on my big day? My dad had asked that she is invited to 'keep the peace' in his home and even offered the money to pay for her 'per head' cost on the day.

Don't invite her and remind him of his wedding when he didn't keep the peace. He is free to come or not. Just invite him.

@JSS94 I had a very similar situation and I did not invite the wife.
i had never met her and I wasn’t invited to my Dad’s wedding.
I was not going to be dictated to about my own wedding. I didn’t care about “keeping the peace”. It was my husband and I’s day and I wasn’t going to invite somebody I didn’t even know.
If he was that worried about “keeping the peace” he would have got you involved with his “new” family a long time ago. He didn’t because it was easier for him that way.
Whatever you decide to do, just have the most amazing wedding! Enjoy everyone second of your day. Xx

Don't invite her

I would not invite her.
But then I'd be extremely upset with my dad if he hadn't let me meet my half siblings! He also stopped you meeting them, which is crazy.

No she has earned this. Your DF can chose to come or not. It’s your wedding, if there is one day to ‘do you’ it’s your wedding day ( but stay the right side of bridezilla 😄)

It's your day and you should invite the people you really want to be there.
Your father's 'keeping the peace' is his problem - don't make it yours.

@JSS94 my dad wouldn't attend my wedding without his wife. So, he didn't Perhaps she wouldn't attend anyway. Could you put up with her to have your dad there?

So she's trying to make up for her previous actions.
No point holding grudges, forgive and move on as a family.

I would say no to her to be honest maybe she’s trying more because she wants to be involved with your dc but that would make me more wary she’s using you. If she wasn’t nice to you before why would she be now. Beware of her. Fake is not nice why put your dc through that. She made her bed let her lie in it.

YANBU.
Will your dad attend without her? Does that even matter given the backstory?
It's your wedding. Have the people there who matter to you & your soon-to-be DH. Enjoy your day!

I wouldnt invite her. It's obvious the reason she is playing nice now is because she's fell out with most people (inc her own daughter) so now is trying to mopve onto DF's side of the family.

Your 'D'F sounds awful too

They're both vile. I wouldn't invite either of them.

I'd block them both and move on with my life with new DH and his family (assuming they're not as revolting as your actual family). Return any cards etc from "nanny" to sender, or throw them in the bin

Were you planning to invite your half-siblings? Would inviting her mother mean your half-sister wouldn’t come?

Go high and not low. Send the invitation to both and don’t give it any more thought.

Technically he's not your dad.

Invite a male parental figure who was there for you.