Are relationships worth it??

[UserNameNotAvailable9]

I’ve been married, single, in relationships with separate living and semi casual relationships. And my life always seems simpler and easier when single. I read threads on here and many of the problems seem to come from relationships too.

Some of the areas I find too complicated in relationships.

1. up front and centre…finances. I find it much easier to manage finances single. No worrying about someone else running up debt, not contributing, or contributing but feeling resentful
2. losing freedom. Always compromising to accommodate someone else’s wishes.
3. emotional weight. Putting your own needs to the side to support someone else’s

Are relationships worth the level of compromise that is required??

Currently in a loving relationship, however, if for whatever reason that ended, I think I would be happy staying single.

Back in my younger years, the thought of being single petrified me.

I am now at the age where it no longer scares me. If any relationship I am in no longer serves me, or makes me unhappy, I am leaving. I can be on my own, and I can be in a good relationship. I definitely wouldnt put up with a load of shit though.

I dont even think I would miss the sex as long as I had the means to pleasure myself.

They are very worth it when you find the right person. It’s taken me two divorces to now find my Mr Right. Third time lucky!

Thanks @Chell79 for your kind post. I hope your life gets a lot better. My situation is a bit different as there is no other woman or financial abuse. Just long standing resentment.

For me, there is nothing I am missing from my life that a man could bring. However, a man could bring many things I don’t want, such as complexity, complications and compromise.

I’m long term single (since mid-20s, now mid-40s) and resolute that I will stay that way. I have no interest in a relationship, and have never observed one that’s made me pause and consider if it was something I wanted for myself… in fact, most of the time when I observe couples I know I give thanks that I’m not in a relationship like theirs.

My lifestyle is great, I have a good job, am a high earner which facilitates security and a great quality of life, I have some wonderful friends and I have some FWB situations that meet my need for sex and physical contact.

In my younger years, I had a great relationship, an abusive one and an ok one. I look back now and it’s easy to see that even the great one was inferior to being single.

I really hope I get to this point of acceptance. After 30 years, I have got used to watching Wimbledon on the couch together with DH. This year we didn't and I feel heartbroken.

I think my marriage has made me happier than I would have otherwise been. I had some mental health difficulties which DH has been an absolute rock about. He’s not lazy, he’s fully involved with DC, he’s a really good egg, we are intellectually well matched and work well as a team.

It’s not perfect, we spent years working stuff out, both came from dysfunctional families, have different libidos (thats the only problem at the moment tbh). But yeah it is on the whole good and I’d rather have this than not have it.

I would say though I think if anything ever happened I wouldn’t want to live with someone again. I think a stable long term relationship with someone I don’t live with would have suited me perfectly and that would mainly be for some company and sex.