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Original poster

Why is it not illegal to cheat on someone

382 replies

Miratea · 09/02/2025 13:17

I don’t want to give too many details. I found it pretty traumatising to be lied to. The person went on about how great of a person they were and how they weren’t like other guys. They acted like they cared about me and would be supportive of me. They were exactly like the “other guys” they described, they were a cheat with a number of others waiting in line, got with someone new every 5-6 months and I was nothing special like they’d made me out to be. I found it really traumatising and have trust issues because of it. They really rushed things and then moved on and I never saw them again. They turned on me and started being really nasty towards me. It feels like emotional whiplash. I know it wasn’t my fault but I don’t understand why these men do it

OP posts:
sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 09/02/2025 15:29

The person went on about how great of a person they were and how they weren’t like other guys. They acted like they cared about me and would be supportive of me

I wouldn't believe someone like this until I'd known them some time

It's not possible to legislate because you made a choice to believe someone , discovered you were wrong and now you want redress

That's just crazy !

PiousBitch · 09/02/2025 15:31

Wowsers

blackbirdsingingoutside · 09/02/2025 15:31

My ex cheated on me, I wouldn't want him banged up for it. After a year of pain I realised that it had never been right. There was things I needed to work on too. Doesn't mean it's okay but it's far too nuanced to created a law about where you bang up the cheater.

Catpuss66 · 09/02/2025 15:33

user1471538275 · 09/02/2025 13:25

It's a personal relationship issue, not a legal one.

You're using extremely emotive language 'traumatised' where I would use 'upset'

You learn from these experiences and develop knowledge and skills to help you navigate future relationships.

just because you don’t feel it doesn’t mean others aren’t traumatised. Maybe you Lack empathy.

coldcallerbaiter · 09/02/2025 15:34

You have a point if you are married. That is a contract and you should be able to civilly sue your spouse specifically for it. If you are not married, yes it is hurtful but for illegal conduct you need a contract.
I also think that if you sleep with someone outside of your marriage and then sleep with your spouse without telling them what you did, you violate their consent. They may not have agreed to sleep with the cheat had they known.

JHound · 09/02/2025 15:34

You cannot legislate against every piece of bad behaviour that people may engage in.

Sadly.

OonaStubbs · 09/02/2025 15:35

The law isn't there to prevent feelings from being hurt.

GutsyShark · 09/02/2025 15:36

Catpuss66 · 09/02/2025 15:33

just because you don’t feel it doesn’t mean others aren’t traumatised. Maybe you Lack empathy.

Show quote history

As several other posts have said everyone has had their heart broken, learning to deal with it is a life skill. Certainly not something that should be criminalised!

Disturbia81 · 09/02/2025 15:40

coldcallerbaiter · 09/02/2025 15:34

You have a point if you are married. That is a contract and you should be able to civilly sue your spouse specifically for it. If you are not married, yes it is hurtful but for illegal conduct you need a contract.
I also think that if you sleep with someone outside of your marriage and then sleep with your spouse without telling them what you did, you violate their consent. They may not have agreed to sleep with the cheat had they known.

But if you start going down that road, then all sorts of other marriage "crimes" would start being punishable.. pressuring for sex, withholding money, silent treatment etc.

BobbyBiscuits · 09/02/2025 15:41

Surely the other side of that coin would be that you'd have to sleep with and be with someone against your consent? People are allowed to change their mind!?
I think in the middle east adultery is technically illegal. But I wouldn't want to be following their example in order to improve my experiences with the opposite sex.
I am sorry you've had such bad luck with men but criminalising cheating is quite frankly a preposterous notion.

Waterboatlass · 09/02/2025 15:42

It absolutely is in some places OP, do you agree with that?

What's to say cheating being illegal wouldn't be regularly abused? I understand it is in countries such as Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. Particularly at the expense of women.

I'm sorry you've been hurt but if you read your account back there are several flags visible (self aggrandisement, I'm not like other men etc). Cutting someone off before they inflict damage is a really critical skill in protecting oneself. Not saying his behaviour is your fault by any means but developing great boundaries is a huge asset in early relationships. I've learnt the tough way.

Catpuss66 · 09/02/2025 15:42

I feel over the years I have witnessed lots of women when they have an emotional trauma they go onto get cancer. Lots of men do it during pregnancy as a form of abuse women’s attention is thinking of the baby that attention is taken off the men. Until the likes of Boris Johnson, Evan McGregor & their behaviour is not normalised the devastation & betrayal they leave behind with children & women.

Hwi · 09/02/2025 15:42

I see what you are saying, but if you play by the old book rules - you do it traditionally, there is less of a chance to be upset - you fall in love, you date, you get engaged, you marry and then you sleep with them. If they want to do all the sex bit before they offer you to marry them, they are not serious about you. All that shit about 'what if they are incompatible sexually' is just shit - there is one pole and one hole and if people are madly in love with each other, they will figure out how to have a compatible sex life.

Getitwright · 09/02/2025 15:45

Criminalising it wouldn’t be good, realistic, but just occasionally divine justice comes along, and the perpetrator gets their comeuppance. 😈 Oh how we did laugh.

Briannaco · 09/02/2025 15:47

I understand what you mean op in that it causes deep emotional trauma.

It'd be very hard to police it though!

Winlan81 · 09/02/2025 15:47

The country in some ways is heading in to a bizarre and possibly dangerous era unless something changes, be that people have more money in their pocket or feel safer than they do. The current government is possibly as close to tyranny as we have ever been in living memory, but even they wouldn't dream of suggesting adultery should be illegal BUT there are no doubt elements in politics that would and that concerns me for the future of this country. The fact that OP believes this in 2024 is quite disturbing.

NovemberMorn · 09/02/2025 15:49

Cheating isn't the answer, but obviously some use this to get out of a relationship, especially when young and unmarried.
If they didn't, they could be shackled to someone far longer than they wanted to be...and who wants to be in a relationship like that?

Briannaco · 09/02/2025 15:49

I do think that monogamy is a bit unrealistic.

"You can only be with one person for years at a time".

Like why WOULD men be monogamous? What do they get out of it?

I only think men cheat more than women , because men have been taught that they are better than women.

So men think that they are entitled to lots of women.

You don't usually see women go out with the mindset of "I'm entitled to be in a relationship with three different men at once".

That's social conditioning.

Instead of trying to get men to not cheat.

We women should be "cheating" more.

Be more selfish!

Gwenhwyfar · 09/02/2025 15:54

andyouwillknowusbythetrailofdead · 09/02/2025 13:24

Perhaps you might like how the Taliban approach things OP. Morality police and the like. Personally I'm glad we have a degree of free will.

Sounds like OP wasn't married so she'd be in big trouble herself for fornication.

Winlan81 · 09/02/2025 15:55

OonaStubbs · 09/02/2025 15:35

The law isn't there to prevent feelings from being hurt.

Actually it is! If you say something “hateful” directed to a person and its perceived to be about their protected characteristic you can be arrested and charged with a hate crime! This was the argument when the law changed in the 90s, where does such a crime lead to when people saying something thats hurtful can be charged and punished by the state? Remember, it just needs to be perceived and not even proven to be hate based on a protected characteristic. Of course, all people should be safe from feeling attacked over just who they are and trauma is trauma - but the extreme end of this is what OP is stating. It needs balance and policing hurt feelings would be entering an actual real life Orwellian world. Promoting strong morals and decency may be a better way to address the issue.

OutrageousImmoral · 09/02/2025 15:55

LeavesOnTrees · 09/02/2025 13:24

There aren't enough resources to deal with all the actual crime happening so I don't think dragging the justice system into people's relationships would help anyone.

Women cheat as well.

There are countries where it is illegal, I think they stone adulterous women in Afghanistan for example. No thanks

This

IcyHare · 09/02/2025 15:56

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

placemats · 09/02/2025 16:03

user1471538275 · 09/02/2025 13:25

It's a personal relationship issue, not a legal one.

You're using extremely emotive language 'traumatised' where I would use 'upset'

You learn from these experiences and develop knowledge and skills to help you navigate future relationships.

Marriage is a legally binding contract. And I disagree regarding "traumatised" as opposed to "upset" because I've personally seen it (PTSD requiring therapy and anti depressants).

I think where there is a legally binding contract there should be greater weighting regarding divorce when cheating occurs.

Liker · 09/02/2025 16:07

Absolutely OP, but how about we bring back the village stocks for these bad boys instead of prison? We could contain them at the wrists and ankles and then the public could pay money to throw rotten veg or sodden sponges at the rotters and it would also raise funds for the council. How does 25p a throw sound? A discount could be offered for family and friends of the cheated victim or more veg/sponges for your 25p.

For fairness, cheating women need to be punished too, but they could do community service ie make cups of tea for lonely old people, do their washing.

I'm all for it. My cheating days are well behind me - Soz Tony if you are reading this, he definitely wasn't worth it 😀

Briannaco · 09/02/2025 16:08

Cheating on someone when you have agreed to be monogamous with them obviously causes trauma.

But how could we ever stop people cheating.
We can't control someone's movement.

A human being can do what he wants.

Unless you want to get to a society where a person signs a contract agreeing to be monogamous.

Then if he breaks the contract, you can sue him.