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Original poster

Why is it not illegal to cheat on someone

382 replies

Miratea · 09/02/2025 13:17

I don’t want to give too many details. I found it pretty traumatising to be lied to. The person went on about how great of a person they were and how they weren’t like other guys. They acted like they cared about me and would be supportive of me. They were exactly like the “other guys” they described, they were a cheat with a number of others waiting in line, got with someone new every 5-6 months and I was nothing special like they’d made me out to be. I found it really traumatising and have trust issues because of it. They really rushed things and then moved on and I never saw them again. They turned on me and started being really nasty towards me. It feels like emotional whiplash. I know it wasn’t my fault but I don’t understand why these men do it

OP posts:
Waterweight · 09/02/2025 16:08

BestZebbie · 09/02/2025 14:18

I do think it makes a bit of a mockery of marriage as a legal contract if there is no potential 'breach of contract' or 'fraud' consequence in the case of adultery.

The traditional set-up in which a lot of weight is put on vows (which have no legal status) as being 'the wedding' rather than the signing of the register (which creates the inheritance, next of kin etc rights but doesn't comment on how many partners you can have other than that you can only have one current marriage at a time) muddies the waters of common perception in this regard, I think.

To be fair there are bigamy laws they just don't cover regular cheating

Briannaco · 09/02/2025 16:11

Waterweight · 09/02/2025 16:08

To be fair there are bigamy laws they just don't cover regular cheating

Show quote history

It doesn't make sense really.

Why is it illegal to get married to two women at the same time.

But it's not illegal to be in a relationship with two women at the same time.

somewhereinsuburbia · 09/02/2025 16:15

The problem is that, logically, if you have different friends to meet your different needs, there isn't really any difference between this and having different partners to meet your different needs. It's a ridiculous rule that society has imposed (fidelity) and serves no real purpose except to reduce queries about paternity of children. And so for that reason, I don't feel it should be illegal.
If you examine jealousy, it's really quite pathetic.

Briannaco · 09/02/2025 16:17

somewhereinsuburbia · 09/02/2025 16:15

The problem is that, logically, if you have different friends to meet your different needs, there isn't really any difference between this and having different partners to meet your different needs. It's a ridiculous rule that society has imposed (fidelity) and serves no real purpose except to reduce queries about paternity of children. And so for that reason, I don't feel it should be illegal.
If you examine jealousy, it's really quite pathetic.

I also think monogamy is totally unrealistic.

It would be like saying

"you can only have one friend for five years".

ZoeCM · 09/02/2025 16:20

This is insane. You can't make it illegal for consenting adults to have sex. It's not illegal to treat your partner badly. You can't expect the law to protect you from being hurt.

That being said, I disagree with the poster who said you were being dramatic by describing yourself as traumatised rather than upset. Being cheated on can be extremely traumatic - it's essentially emotional abuse. Being lied to about their partner's cheating can make people worry that they're losing their mind, being paranoid, etc. Cheaters are also putting their partners at increased risk of STIs without their consent, so it borders on physical abuse as well. That doesn't mean it should be illegal, though.

Anotherparkingthread · 09/02/2025 16:20

Emotional assault lol..

What would the punishment be? Because this sounds like random innocent people people either incarcerated at the tax payers expensive or stoned to death in the town square, based on little more than an accusation. Cheating is hard to prove, it's also subjective... Is porn cheating? If so, is watching girls in swimwear on Instagram cheating? If not, what about chatting to cam girls? What about a kiss while pissed up in a night club, is that cheating? Does this extend to people who aren't married and are just together? Because that also changes the meaning of marriage.

It's a ridiculous idea and you can't change the law just because you're upset.

Briannaco · 09/02/2025 16:21

ZoeCM · 09/02/2025 16:20

This is insane. You can't make it illegal for consenting adults to have sex. It's not illegal to treat your partner badly. You can't expect the law to protect you from being hurt.

That being said, I disagree with the poster who said you were being dramatic by describing yourself as traumatised rather than upset. Being cheated on can be extremely traumatic - it's essentially emotional abuse. Being lied to about their partner's cheating can make people worry that they're losing their mind, being paranoid, etc. Cheaters are also putting their partners at increased risk of STIs without their consent, so it borders on physical abuse as well. That doesn't mean it should be illegal, though.

But then how come it's illegal for a man to get married to two women at the same time?

The law is against cheating that way.

IHateBakedBeans · 09/02/2025 16:21

Briannaco · 09/02/2025 16:11

It doesn't make sense really.

Why is it illegal to get married to two women at the same time.

But it's not illegal to be in a relationship with two women at the same time.

Show quote history

Because a marriage is a legal contract?

Briannaco · 09/02/2025 16:23

IHateBakedBeans · 09/02/2025 16:21

Because a marriage is a legal contract?

Show quote history

It's a legal contract about a relationship.yes.

So people could design their own contracts for their relationships if they wanted.

People could sit down and make a contract before they get into a relationship with someone.

TemporaryPosition · 09/02/2025 16:25

Briannaco · 09/02/2025 16:11

It doesn't make sense really.

Why is it illegal to get married to two women at the same time.

But it's not illegal to be in a relationship with two women at the same time.

Show quote history

Because a marriage is a contract. And a 'relationship' is not, and can mean anything.

TemporaryPosition · 09/02/2025 16:26

Briannaco · 09/02/2025 16:23

It's a legal contract about a relationship.yes.

So people could design their own contracts for their relationships if they wanted.

People could sit down and make a contract before they get into a relationship with someone.

Show quote history

Bizarre. In what ways would this contract diverge from a marriage contract?

Waterweight · 09/02/2025 16:26

Briannaco · 09/02/2025 16:11

It doesn't make sense really.

Why is it illegal to get married to two women at the same time.

But it's not illegal to be in a relationship with two women at the same time.

Show quote history

Because marriage has rights & responsibilities (next of kin (health ect.)/financial/social expectation)

While saying is just that. Dating

Yes laws around marriage & de-facto relationships should change but cheating being illegal would be ridiculous

Rosscameasdoody · 09/02/2025 16:28

Miratea · 09/02/2025 13:20

I’m asking because it can cause a lot of damage to the women that it happens to.it’s like emotional assault

And women cheat too.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 09/02/2025 16:28

And what would you class as cheating.. sex? Kiss? Holding hands?

Briannaco · 09/02/2025 16:28

Waterweight · 09/02/2025 16:26

Because marriage has rights & responsibilities (next of kin (health ect.)/financial/social expectation)

While saying is just that. Dating

Yes laws around marriage & de-facto relationships should change but cheating being illegal would be ridiculous

Show quote history

Cheating being illegal is not going to happen.

But I can see people starting to make their own relationship contracts, and then suing the man for breach of contract.

People get sued for everything these days.

A woman could easily sit a man down and get him to sign a contract saying "if you get in a relationship with me you cannot have sex with anyone else".

Then if he breaks the contract, she can sue him for damages.

Gwenhwyfar · 09/02/2025 16:30

"A woman could easily sit a man down and get him to sign a contract saying "if you get in a relationship with me you cannot have sex with anyone else".
Then if he breaks the contract, she can sue him for damages."

If divorce is now no-fault, you cannot divorce on the grounds of adultery, how would it make sense to sue for cheating if not married. I'm not sure the contract would be valid. Otherwise you could make a washing up contract and sue someone for not doing the washing up or whatever...

Chersfrozenface · 09/02/2025 16:31

Briannaco · 09/02/2025 16:23

It's a legal contract about a relationship.yes.

So people could design their own contracts for their relationships if they wanted.

People could sit down and make a contract before they get into a relationship with someone.

Show quote history

That would create a whole new field in contract law.

What would the consequences be? Damages? How would a contract be terminated if one party wished to end it. And proving breach of contract could get interesting.

It would make lots of work for lawyers.

Rosscameasdoody · 09/02/2025 16:33

Briannaco · 09/02/2025 16:11

It doesn't make sense really.

Why is it illegal to get married to two women at the same time.

But it's not illegal to be in a relationship with two women at the same time.

Show quote history

Because marriage is a legal contract you enter into voluntarily, knowing the terms - ie you can only marry one person at a time. To be illegal to be in a relationship with two different partners would require a legal definition of ‘relationship’ and would negate free will. This thread is batshit.

Hankunamatata · 09/02/2025 16:33

Namerchangee · 09/02/2025 13:18

Erm… free will?

Yep

Briannaco · 09/02/2025 16:34

Gwenhwyfar · 09/02/2025 16:30

"A woman could easily sit a man down and get him to sign a contract saying "if you get in a relationship with me you cannot have sex with anyone else".
Then if he breaks the contract, she can sue him for damages."

If divorce is now no-fault, you cannot divorce on the grounds of adultery, how would it make sense to sue for cheating if not married. I'm not sure the contract would be valid. Otherwise you could make a washing up contract and sue someone for not doing the washing up or whatever...

Well sexually transmitted diseases cause a lot of damages.

If a man cheats, a woman could sue for damages, as he is risking her health by potentially passing on an STI.

My friend actually got cheated on recently and her boyfriend gave her a sexually transmitted disease

NoSoupForU · 09/02/2025 16:35

A million years ago, I managed a hotel. I had couples who'd come fairly regularly and spend an afternoon together. One of the ladies I saw once when I was doing my shopping. She was with her husband and children. The man was not the man she came to my hotel with.

Over time I got chatting to this woman and discovered that her marriage was an arranged one, in which she had no say whatsoever. Divorce wasn't an option for her and she truly loved the man she was meeting. They came for the entire time I managed the hotel, so several years. Her husband treated her badly, and she was desperately unhappy with him.

And you'd have her criminalised?

I'm sorry you've been hurt. But hurt feelings shouldn't constitute a crime. People do shitty things for all manner of reasons. It's easy to take a black and white view of it when you're the victim, but the reality is very different.

NoSoupForU · 09/02/2025 16:40

onceuponatimelived · 09/02/2025 13:36

It is in places that the Western media deems as backwards and oppressive?

Oh that’s fine then, just let your women get cheated on without repercussions. But it’s those women that media bodies scream are being oppressed and lack freedom/rights? The ones that have governments that protect them by ensuring adultery does not go unpunished.

The West is backwards and always has been and only uneducated, ignorant people feel superior to the truth.

There is only one truth.

But oh, free will, right?

Out of interest, do you suppose proportionately more men or women are punished under those laws in those places?

SprinkleOfSunak · 09/02/2025 16:40

I agree with you op, it should be illegal.

It wouldn’t stop adultery, but I’m sure it’d reduce it. Imagine how many murders would be committed without fear of imprisonment?

Briannaco · 09/02/2025 16:42

NoSoupForU · 09/02/2025 16:35

A million years ago, I managed a hotel. I had couples who'd come fairly regularly and spend an afternoon together. One of the ladies I saw once when I was doing my shopping. She was with her husband and children. The man was not the man she came to my hotel with.

Over time I got chatting to this woman and discovered that her marriage was an arranged one, in which she had no say whatsoever. Divorce wasn't an option for her and she truly loved the man she was meeting. They came for the entire time I managed the hotel, so several years. Her husband treated her badly, and she was desperately unhappy with him.

And you'd have her criminalised?

I'm sorry you've been hurt. But hurt feelings shouldn't constitute a crime. People do shitty things for all manner of reasons. It's easy to take a black and white view of it when you're the victim, but the reality is very different.

I think an arranged marriage , where she can't leave, is a bit different to a man shagging round for fun

Briannaco · 09/02/2025 16:42

NoSoupForU · 09/02/2025 16:35

A million years ago, I managed a hotel. I had couples who'd come fairly regularly and spend an afternoon together. One of the ladies I saw once when I was doing my shopping. She was with her husband and children. The man was not the man she came to my hotel with.

Over time I got chatting to this woman and discovered that her marriage was an arranged one, in which she had no say whatsoever. Divorce wasn't an option for her and she truly loved the man she was meeting. They came for the entire time I managed the hotel, so several years. Her husband treated her badly, and she was desperately unhappy with him.

And you'd have her criminalised?

I'm sorry you've been hurt. But hurt feelings shouldn't constitute a crime. People do shitty things for all manner of reasons. It's easy to take a black and white view of it when you're the victim, but the reality is very different.

I think an arranged marriage , where she can't leave, is a bit different to a man shagging round for fun