Is 45 too old to have a baby

[Catontoof]

is this fair on a child?
I am seriously considering this as I feel like
therr has been a huge hole in my life.

I don’t have anything against young mothers it’s not something I would chose myself because I wanted to travel etc while young. But I can see the benefits I have a friend who had all of hers before 24 now she is out the other side , is higher educated than anyone else in our friendship group and has lots of freedom. I just think travelling and partying in your 40s is never going to be the same as when carefree in your 20s but I guess some people have different interests when younger and that’s ok
It does come as a risk having babies later in life though some women conceive with no issues even in their 40s. For me it was a struggle to conceive in my late 30s I feel lucky that I did conceive though. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with having kids in your 40s though it’s definitely going to be a challenge for most people to conceive naturally at 45

I just think travelling and partying in your 40s is never going to be the same as when carefree in your 20s

You’re right about travelling. In your 40s you can afford to stay in decent hotels and don’t have to carry all your belongings on your back.

Not all middle aged people are rich. Lots of people are still on modest incomes, but can't sleep as easily in the hostels they went to when young.

I could not afford to travel in my twenties.

You don’t have to be rich but you’re going to be better off if you can afford to travel. Nobody would ever choose a hostel. I became a parent at 21 and my travelling started in my 40s when my career was established and I could do it in comfort. Zero regrets.

You’re right about travelling. In your 40s you can afford to stay in decent hotels and don’t have to carry all your belongings on your back

Just as well because 9 times out of 10 your back is fucked at that age 😆😂🤣

(that was a joke before anyone comes at me saying how unfit someone must be to have a bad back in their 40s blah blah blah)

Either have them young and you're free by your forties/fifties and are still young enough ISH to enjoy yourself.

Or wait and have your twenties and thirties as your time to enjoy yourself childfree.

What is absolutely totally crazy to me is those who have children very young, then start all over again in their forties.... therein lies madness.

I know a woman who had a child at 18 and another in her early twenties...then another two in her mid forties. Basically parenting for 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and into her sixties... shudder

Sounds like me!

Had eldest unexpectedly at 17, then 2 more in my mid/late twenties, then another 2 early thirties all planned. Had another surprise at 38, so 21 years between eldest and youngest. Eldest is in his thirties and youngest is a teen!

You must be made of stronger stuff than me 😂

I would have done this given enough money. I had easy pregnancies, straightforward births and absolutely love little ones. 49 and can't wait for grandchildren.

Life happens and you just get on with it! Bearing in mind that I never had an adult life without kids in it, its my normal.

Having more time to myself is what I am finding hard. Its weird not scheduling my whole day around school runs. In my head, I have to be home by 3, except I dont now, but I still get twitchy if I am out past then! Getting used to it, but when you have either been a child or a parent, with no inbetween, its a hard one to get used to.

I don’t have anything against young mothers it’s not something I would chose myself because I wanted to travel etc while young. But I can see the benefits.

I've friends on both sides, the big issue for older parent's is support and family connection.

Their DM is older so not in a position to help or enjoy grandchild like she might have in the her 50's/60's.

Also older parents have less healthy time with the children, they could possibly live till 90, less time from future grandchild too.

Most people don't live until 90 and most people have health issues by 65/70.

I don't know about others, from the moment I gave birth, my mindset was to anything to support them. I wasn't young or old 30 and 35 when I had children, my parents died at 70.

I'd like as much time as I can watching them grow

It's also possible to travel and experience things with children.

@PyongyangKipperbang Wow, your life must be very full.
Sounds like fun.

In my social circles, having a baby before 35 is considered a sectionable offence. At 45 you're likely to be better educated, better off, and more secure than say 25. Obviously you need to be aware of the risks and take extra good care of yourself so your child doesn't feel that they have to look after you. Good luck!

@ARingtoit I mix in similar circles and am regarded as practically a gymslip mum for having had dc1 at 31 - means that I have a completely warped sense of my own age 🤣

The genetic material in your eggs is very poor by 45, also most women's ability to have a healthy pregnancy and birth.

It really is russian roullette at that age.
While 25 may be relatively young, you can always make money later.

https://www.advancedfertility.com/patient-education/causes-of-infertility/female-age-eggs

In my social circles, having a baby before 35 is considered a sectionable offence. At 45 you're likely to be better educated, better off, and more secure than say 25.

That's a middle class myth.

It is prejudice too, feeling like you're superior to the uneducated under 35 year old without financial security.

I haven't noticed a huge financial difference between friends who opted for earlier families and those who started late 30's
(They all drive new SUV's, mortgage cleared, good lifestyle.

There is money to be made everywhere these days in professional and trade roles, even as a parent.

@Neurodiversitydoctor 💯

I had my first at 26...my social circle is very middle class...I felt like a teen mum

I can’t see how a 45 year old would be any more educated than a 35 year old.

I agree that it’s a bit of a myth. My younger colleagues are all middle class professionals. They pretty much all seem have their babies in their early- mid 30s. Maybe second or 3rd babies at 35+, but it’s only on Mumsnet that it seems common to have babies in your early and mid 40s.

My parents had me at 45 and it didn't affect me they had loads of energy
Only thing is that I won't have as much time with them
At 37 they are 80

It’s not a “myth” just because you haven’t directly experienced it - it just varies a lot depending on area and profession.

I was the youngest mother when my DC started reception in a very middle class area in London - I was 35 at the time and most were over 40. Private school cohorts in London are even more extreme.

I'd be screwed in your circles, I had my first two decades before I was 35 😂