Is 45 too old to have a baby

[Catontoof]

is this fair on a child?
I am seriously considering this as I feel like
therr has been a huge hole in my life.

Given I wish I looked like these women in my thirties 😂, I think it's fair to say they're not really a representative sample - outside Hollywood. And that is certainly not to say 60yos aren't fabulous!

But that's kind of the point - they think you're embarrassing at any age because they're teenagers, lol. Whether you're 60, 50, 40 or 30 is irrelevant.

Very much not a thing in my world. I'm 43 and none of my friends are anywhere near being grandparents - the oldest child is early secondary, most are age 6-9.

Given we all had our children over 30, I'd expect we're a good 10-20 years off grandchildren.

100% this. ^

And you get the daft posts claiming that their 93 year old granny runs marathons, and goes scuba diving, and climbs Mount Snowdon every other week, and still works 30 hours a week (and walks there and back, a 10 mile round trip,) and fells her own trees for logs for her big log burner! And she is waaaaaaaay fitter than most women three times younger! And at least one poster says 'she can even run rings around me, and she's 61 years older than me!'

And then there are the posters who said 'my great aunt Fiona had a baby at 47, and many women back in the day had babies at 47-52. It was not that rare!' Errrr, yeah it was. Women have never had babies in their mid-late 40s on a regular basis ...

And a women giving birth to a baby that is conceived naturally at 50 or older is vanishingly small. Never known it happen. Not a natural conception! And the vast majority of women who 'had a baby' at 49-52 'back in the day' were very likely raising their grandchild. Happened quite a lot many years ago - in many families. Everyone knew, but no-one said anything! 😆

No it’s not too old. I had my first the day after my 19th birthday and my last at 45.

I had one at 44 too, with others at intervals in between (7 altogether).

The children I had latest had better opportunities, I am better off financially, mentally, so much calmer. We have just been inter railing round Europe together.

They are 2 lovely young men 16 & 17.

And I have absolutely no health issues, I am as healthy now as I was 20 years ago.

Of course it's selfish. Like the example above where the 48 year old woman wanted a baby so did it by herself, and they're now a "team". Until she pops it and the kid is left alone with no parents.

My ex was very badly bullied at school because he had older parents. His mum was 42 when she had him and father in his early 50s. He had a terrible relationship with his father because of it and really resented them for having him. They both died before he hit 30, and now he's alone and dealing with the trauma.

I wouldn't. Embrace the freedom!

@Liveandletlive18

What a stupid comment. For one thing, most 60 year olds don't look like Kylie fucking Minogue or the 2 actresses you named. Those 3 they are super fit and healthy and rich and famous, so it's bloody stupid to compare them to a normal, ordinary, frazzled, working woman who probably has a fiver surplus in her bank account a muffin top, and grey roots, and LOOKS 60. (And the vast VAST majority of 60 year olds do look 60, like it or not. Despite the chorus of 'oh but I look soooo young for my age' nonsense that some posters have put on here. 😆)

Your post isn't the gotcha you think it is. It's pretty pathetic and nonsensical, and has made you look a bit daft. I agree with the pp, most 15 year olds are not going to want a 60 year old mum turning up to meet them at school. Meh.... most people will think she's their nan. Fact.

A lot of people in their mid 40s are too, and 50s, and 60s, and 70s. Etc........But overall, the fitness and health of people in their 20s (on average) will be above people (on average) in their mid 40s, 50s, or 60s. Etc....

Such a dumb, lame argument to have a baby in your late 40s. 🙄 'oh but some 20-somethings are not as fit as meeeeeeeeee at 63.' Give over FFS!

.

My children are adopted and there is a 45 year age gap between me and the youngest. (Not uncommon in adoption circles) I did NOT feel too old - I was happy to have the family I'd always wanted. To be honest, I feel it has kept me more youthful - having teens / young adults as I now do is lovely and I still have plenty of energy. The journey wasn't always easy, but that was nothing to do with my age.

Of course it's not 'selfish' to have a child at any age. 🙄Why do people come out with this garbage? It's more selfish the older you become, because as several posters have said, it's very unfair on the child the older you get, as you cant give them the life you would/could if you were 15-20 years younger when you had them. There are soooooooo many reasons to not have a child past your early 40s.

Saying having children is selfish full stop is ludicrous. People need to have children FFS, otherwise the human race will die out. (And before anyone says 'that wouldn't be a bad thing' you first!)

Also @Cornflakes123 , you seem to have a lot of experiences in your life that almost no-one else has don't you? Not a single man you know wanted children in his 20s, your husband has always split the physical and mental load, domestic duties, life admin, and raising children 50-50 with you, your DAD split the childcare, and domestic duties, and general life admin with your mum 50-50, every man you have ever known in his 20s, was out partying and travelling.. ALL the women in your large extended family had their first child in their late 30s......... Really quite extraordinary! 🙄

Also (according to some posters,) there's a LOT of super fit, amazingly spritely and healthy people in their late 50s and 60s who have primary school age children. Also quite extraordinary. Having a baby at 45-50 made them sooo much fitter and healthier than their peers who had their last child before 40. Amazing.

What I mean is that people decide to have children to fulfill their own needs and wants it’s not for the good of anyone else. I already said I have an dc but I still stand by this.

i don’t find it those points extraordinary at all. My life is quite ordinary and boring actually. And yes my Dad always did more than his share of housework. I didn’t think it was that unusual, maybe it’s because both my parents worked growing up.. my dh is in no way perfect but we do split the childcare duties.

I didn’t say all the women in
my family had their first in their late 30s. Most of them had children in their late 30s though. In Ireland it was common not even that long ago because contraception was frowned upon back in the day so plenty of people had kids from early 20s right up to 40s (not saying I agree this was the best thing but it was common)Just because my experience and circle of people around me is different to you , you are incredulous. Why so angry ? I don’t know why but you sound really bitter for some reason.

Yes, I think it’s too old. I was 19 when I had my (only) child. At 42 the thought of going through all that again fills me with horror.

I don’t know why you have to be so bitter , angry and nasty to people in your comments.

My children were fine at 15. I had friends who really struggled with their children at that age. Not all teenagers are beautifully behaved and that’s not something we can predict. The fact remains that you get more tired as you age.

I'm enjoying reading this thread in conjunction with the state pension at 71 one. Parenting a teenager in your 60s? No problem! Working a full time job in your 60s? No way!

Yes very bitter. People who feel the need to be this nasty are just unhappy with their own lives I guess. It’s very sad.

I have a similar circle to you @Cornflakes123 in that most of my peers have / are having children later in life so I can just relate better to them if I’m lucky enough to have another DC. A lot of it is just down to where you live probably.

Me too!

Try keeping up with the 60 year olds in my Zumba class. A fit healthy woman who looks after herself doesn't have to be rich & famous to look good. I don't know the 60 year olds you are referring to.but the people I know in this age group look amazng. I know many woman half their age who look worn out,fat & unhealthy due to smoking,drinking & eating rubbish as of course there are at age 60 living that lifestyle. Sorry given this 'fact' its your comment that sounds stupid.

Of course all women in their 60s are fit and fabulous and should have teenagers to keep them looking/feeling even younger. 20/30 years olds are all unhealthy and fat and make shit parents. Got to love Mumsnet 🤣😆
Meanwhile in the real world…

Of course you can be older whilst also being fit, healthy and energetic but that takes work, which takes time, which is in short supply when you have dependent children!

It's not a competition. I find it insulting & disparaging that people over the age of 50 on mumsnet get branded as has beens. Is it any wonder they feel like sticking up for themselves. It's quite simply ageist.

Each to there own but for me I’d say too old I’m 46 & a mum of 3 x

not just for the child either, I’m very active and in shape but I can’t imagine my body would cope well with a pregnancy!

I haven't read the other thread but something like 30% of people stop work through ill health before retirement age.

God knows what the percentage would be at 71. Quite literally work to you drop. Retirement will become a privilege for the very few and certainly not for those who have children later in life.

Op i really do wish you well. And I hope your Mr Right comes along soon.

I think fostering older kids, even kids just a little younger than your DC could be really hard work but incredibly rewarding too.