He has me in tears

[zebraprintxmasdinner]

Posted before about partner and his temper
Saving up for a car makes him in a bad mood which in turn he has been taking out on me

Lasy weekend he went pub Friday night. Started on me Saturday for no reason, spat at me told me I make him depressed etc etc. I tried diffuse situation but doesn’t get me anywhere

Yesterday drank 4 cans of Stella then started on me. Calling me useless, controlling, I moan about everything. I don’t.
Today has drank 1l of Baileys, verbally abused me, every time I speak told me shut the fuck up. Called me a rat, a cunt, a thick fuck

Hes got history of doing this. I have stupidly sent him my rainy day fund in a hope of some peace. I’ve had this for years. Bailing him out whilst I sit at bottom of his priorities. I don’t know why I’ve done it. What’s wrong with me

My miserable life, no friends, don’t socialise, no date nights no little prezzies not even a nice text msg of a morning

I don’t know why I even post this but haven’t got irl friends talk to. Don’t have any friends full stop anymore.

He’s bullied the OP into handing over her savings, sounds like a loser with no money. So let’s hope this isn’t the case 🙏🏻

Do you want your child growing up with this awful specimen of a man as a role model or you as a weak women?
Sorry to be blunt op. I don’t mean to be unkind to you but you have to wake up and smell the roses.
Your house so therefore you have nothing to loose by sending him packing.
Have some self respect and find a decent chap who treats you how you deserve to be treated.

Oh my gosh this is shocking. Your poor child will grow up thinking this is normal behaviour and the cycle will continue into the next generation.

I know things might seem blurred and confusing now, but I promise once he's gone things will be crystal clear and you'll regret wasting so many years of your life with this abusive alcoholic.

There's absolutely nothing to stop you, it's your house. Do the right thing for your child, kick him out and enjoy living the rest of your lives in peace.
.

The man you are obsessing over at the start wasn't the real him.

That was when he was on his best behaviour to reel you in, probably there were huge red flags even back then that you missed.

The person you see now is who he really is, and he isn't going to change. If anything it'll get worse and become physical - he sounds like a very angry man.

Ultimately you have to accept he isn't going to change and decide whether this is what you want for the rest of your life - and realise that this relationship is being modelled as normal to your child. As a mother you should want to get your child away from this toxicity.

He has gradually ground you down into thinking you can't live without him - but look at all the women who leave abusive relationships and go on to have happy lives. You never see any women on here saying they wish they'd stayed in their abusive relationship do you?only that they can't believe they stayed so long.

The house is in your name so that's a good place to be in.

He needs to leave

You need to break up with him lovely and learn that this is not how a relationship is and that you'll never let anyone treat you like that again x

dear @zebraprintxmasdinner - I am sorry for what you’re going through..
I have learned the following from multiple MN threads on this type of behaviour.

Find your anger!!
Plan the end of your relationship - doesn’t have to be tomorrow - but start visualising it and how it will be afterwards and once he’s moved out.
start a list of practical details you will need to start working through to ensure it happens.
Contact Women’s Aid or other charity group that can support you and feed in to your plan.
Listen or read wherever possible to self help books or podcasts on building your resilience, self esteem and emotionally healthy relationships. Maybe people here will post things they’ve read that helped them find strength.

you need to be the star of your own life @zebraprintxmasdinner not a downtrodden bit part - this is how this dreadful man is making you feel.

Continue to post here for support but start to feel that anger today and take first small steps on making a change to your future.
Good luck xx

What an awful situation you have there OP.
I'm cringing as I read him spitting at you, abusing you verbally, and being rewarded by you giving him your 'rainy day fund'.
Sounds like he knows how to get around you, and you've given up.

You have to take yourself by the hand, read your own post as someone removed from the situation, and show him the door as quickly as you can.
You have a child to consider too, that makes this situation more complicated, but more urgent ime.
You both deserve better than this, his behaviour is dreadful, you will feel so much better without him around to drag you down.

I feel so bad for you. The next time he says he will leave, help him pack and change the locks.

I am so sorry this is the normal life for you and your child. There are so many people out there who never dream of calling you rude names or belittling you in such a cruel manner. Being single would be better than living like this.

Your child is going to think this is how they should be treated by their future partner or how they should treat their partner. In a few years they will be treating you in the same way unless you stop this abusive, alcoholic horror being a role model for them.

This is one of the saddest threads of this nature I have ever read. It's shocking the way you are being treated. It doesn't have to be this way - please don't stay with him. Also what kind of role model is he to your child about how you treat your partner? And spitting?? Just no...

Why are you with him?

I genuinely don’t understand why people like you would rather have a miserable life than just be single and happy.

I am a single parent and absolutely love my life.
My home is my absolute safe space. No matter how much my work has been stressful that day, or people have annoyed me whilst shopping or if I’m feeling unwell etc. I know for a fact that I will get home and be happy and relaxed.
No one spits at me or calls me names in my own home.

what is stopping you from being single?

he constantly threatens to move out
Then let him.

This is no setting for a child to be raised in - with an abusive, alcoholic, violent adult. You are showing your child that this is acceptable, and that you're happy to facilitate it.

It’s hard to know what to say in threads like this one because the answer is so bloody obvious.

You need to tell him to leave. Now.
Ask for your money back - you won’t get it, but ask for it anyway.
Get child support sorted out and NEVER look back.

This guy is scum. Scrub him off and move on.

The sooner you get out the sooner you'll make friends, have nice life and be happy

From other posts by OP she has referred to having a son and a daughter.

Leave him

The single parent friends I know are so happy they don’t have to deal with not just the crap from ex partners and ex husbands any more
They also don’t have to deal with the little compromises being in a good relationship brings with it

As one of my friends explained that being a single parent is hard because you are the only one who is in charge and you have to make all the decisions.
But being a single parent is the best because you are the only one who is in charge and you make all the decisions

My friend said this after a brilliant day out with her dc
She drove home when they were ready to go She got dc MacDonalds from the drive thru as their dinner which they ate in the car,
After dc went to bed and not feeling like cooking she made a coffee and ate 2 cream eggs for her dinner whilst watching whatever she wanted on the tv

None of these things would have been possible if she had her exh with her even when the relationship was good

He is not your partner he is your enemy.
He doesn’t have a temper, he hates you and probably hates himself even more. It’s not your job to try and help and improve him, you can’t.
Get rid of him, this will never improve. Your life can only be better without him. But maybe even more importantly, your child’s life will be better. This is an awful situation for a child to witness and a likely recipe for them developing mental illness as they grow up.
Ring Women’s Aid https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=womens+aid&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari&safe=active# if you are in the U.K. Or call the police. You really must get out of his reach. He might threaten to go but I suspect he might not when he realises that is what you want, and you might need help from the Police.

So, let him move out then change the locks.

No way is he ever going to leave

He would miss his verbal punching bag too much.

One thing you need to understand is that if you do manage to get him out of the house, he will come back with apologies, showering you with date nights, little prezzies, nice text msg of a morning

All the things he knows you want

However it won’t last, it will be just to win you back

Then it will start again and it will be harder to get him to leave a 2nd time because he knows what not having you there feels like

Harsh much? Judgemental much?

The OP needs support that’s why she and others post.

Sometimes people can’t see the wood for the trees when they are in the thick of it.

I think she knows she needs to boot him out but remember she has been beaten down emotionally and can do with a hand hold from this supportive community before she takes the next step.

A bit of kindness can go a long way.

I'm sorry you're being treated with such contempt
He has eroded your self worth and confidence so much you can't see a different one
Shared history is not a reason to stay with him. This is who he is, and he won't change. He had no respect or care for you and your DC
He is a leech sucking the life out of you.
I'm glad it's your house, as he has no right to leave
Next time he starts, look in your child's eyes and silently promise them a happy safe childhood and start with telling him it's over Don't get drawn into arguments. He's a waste of your time and energy
Ask a family member to be with you or just wait for him to go out and text him his stuff is outside and the relationship is over.
Any threats then you call the police
Please contact womens aid to put together a plan to build a better life for you and DC
Ultimately he can take you to court for access if he won't make a plan to see DC
The first step is the hardest I know, but you and DC will thrive.

Right to stay, I meant

OK, missed the number of children but the sentiment/ message is the same.

Not married? So throw him out, why are you tolerating this drunken wanker and making your child tolerate it too? Please improve your life, be brave, get rid of this idiot. Dreadful example he is to your child and he’s ruining your life.