He has me in tears

[zebraprintxmasdinner]

Posted before about partner and his temper
Saving up for a car makes him in a bad mood which in turn he has been taking out on me

Lasy weekend he went pub Friday night. Started on me Saturday for no reason, spat at me told me I make him depressed etc etc. I tried diffuse situation but doesn’t get me anywhere

Yesterday drank 4 cans of Stella then started on me. Calling me useless, controlling, I moan about everything. I don’t.
Today has drank 1l of Baileys, verbally abused me, every time I speak told me shut the fuck up. Called me a rat, a cunt, a thick fuck

Hes got history of doing this. I have stupidly sent him my rainy day fund in a hope of some peace. I’ve had this for years. Bailing him out whilst I sit at bottom of his priorities. I don’t know why I’ve done it. What’s wrong with me

My miserable life, no friends, don’t socialise, no date nights no little prezzies not even a nice text msg of a morning

I don’t know why I even post this but haven’t got irl friends talk to. Don’t have any friends full stop anymore.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. Did you see similar behaviour at home from your dad towards your mum?.

What do you want to teach your child about relationships and what are they learning here?.

How can you be helped here into getting rid of your abuser once and for all?.

You have a choice re this man, your child does not. Make better choices for your sake as well as your child's. This young person cannot afford to grow up seeing you as their mother (and in turn he/she) being abused.

Let him.

Just let him.

So let him?

You have a child watching you. Think of your kid and tell him to fuck off.

Threatens to move out!?

Change the locks and make the decision for him, sounds like an absolute tw4t

No no no. He needs to leave. This is no life for you, or your child.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. He has beaten you down and you need to summon up some self respect from deep down and act.
Get him out. Make sure you have an exit strategy when you do this. Involve the police if necessary. Read ‘ women who love too much’ by Robin Norwood. Once he’s gone get some counselling.

Practise being assertive, keep a journal of what he says and does to fortify you when you make the only sensible decision, then change the locks, bag up his stuff in bin bags and don't let him back in.

If he's threatening to move out then let him follow through with his threat.

Abusive piece of shit

Every time he is emotionally or physically abusive to you - your DC are experiencing abuse. Time to get him out & find some peace.

I just don’t understand how you can allow a man in your home to behave in that way when you have a child living there.
Do you ever take a moment to stop and think for one moment what you are doing to your child bringing them up in such an abusive setting, what that child hears, what that child sees.
Even if you have no self respect left for yourself, for goodness sake think of your child and get rid of your partner immediately.
I really wonder at the mentality of the human race when they start to believe that living this is acceptable.

Pack his bags, now. Change the locks.
Make the decision, this miserable life ends today. He is making you miserable, he goes.

You will undoubtably be infinitely happier without him, it will feel weird and lonely
to begin with, but that is temporary.
Freedom awaits!!

'Just one kid.' You can do what you want, but you have a duty of care to your DC. They have no choice. You must leave for their sake.

This is abuse. He drinks and it turns an already nasty man, into an aggressive one. For your child's sake (and your own), you need to tell him to leave. If the house is in your name, and you're not married, then I don't see how legally he can claim any part of your home. Where he goes isn't your issue. Your priority is to create a happy, secure and stable home life for your child. At the moment your child doesn't have that, and even if you think your child has no idea how your partner treats you, I bet (assuming they're old enough), they do. Please contact a domestic abuse charity, like Woman's Aid for help. Nothing you do or don't do is going to appease this man. Giving him money was a huge mistake. He's a bully, who deliberately wants to hurt you emotionally, because it gives him a sense of power over you. You can't change him.

OP, you are modelling to your child what a relationship is. 'This' is their normal.
Why is this ok with you?
Your child deserves more and they need you to provide it.

The nostalgia thing is a form of anxiety caused by living with a really nasty abuser. It'll go when you leave him. You won't believe the relief and the way life improves.

Abusers don't love their targets, they're just victims for them. Your child will be in the firing line soon OP if you don't leave. Neither of you deserve this. It's very hard to leave, I get that, but it needs to be done else you and your child will have a darker and darker future.

I read as far as 'spat at me' and thought
Run!
Then I read that it's your house.
Kick him out.
He has contempt for you. The relationship is over.

Sorry to hear this op the others are right he's an abusive dickhead. Do you have family you could ask for help in getting him gone?

Giving her a good verbal beating is not nice - she's being abused and he's done an extreme number on her mind and broken her into pieces. Don't berate her for 'no self respect' as if it's her fault she just treats herself like shit and is happy with shit behaviour- noone is - the fact is you can start strong but when you're in the cross hairs of abuser for years,believe me, your mind changes. Supporting someone is the best way to get them to leave.

Just saying she's got no self respect is going to make her feel even more powerless. I get it was a tough love comment and meant for the right reasons though.

@zebraprintxmasdinner Have some self respect.

Tell him to leave and change the locks.

If you can't do it for yourself then do it for your child. You have a duty to protect your child and having someone live with you who is verbally abusive is NOT protecting your child.

Don't think OP would care, she's given away their rainy day fund to this no mark after all, just so she can play the role of best ever girlfriend who would do anything for her man.

Please stop putting your child through this. Do you want your child to think an abusive man and a ground-down miserable woman is the norm for a relationship? Please chuck this piece of shit into the gutter where he belongs.

Please, please,please get out of this abusive relationship. He is going to destroy you if you stay with him. You are worth so much more and deserve to be treated with respect. Something you will NEVER get from this person.

What exactly does he bring to the relationship?
Why are you allowing him to treat you like this?
Why are you happy for your child to see this?
For Gods Sake throw him out today!

Pack the wanker’s bags and throw him out

You need to make new memories to create nostalgia. You won't be able to do this if you stop with this vile idiot. I bet he's told you that you won't cope if he goes. It's the other way round. There is some good advice on here but you need help from an outer source, people who can help you prepare yourself for change. You're in for a bumpy ride but it will be better than being as tortured as you are. You will cope, you have to. 🌹🌹🌹