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AIBU?

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Original poster

He has me in tears

166 replies

zebraprintxmasdinner · 09/02/2025 02:20

Posted before about partner and his temper
Saving up for a car makes him in a bad mood which in turn he has been taking out on me

Lasy weekend he went pub Friday night. Started on me Saturday for no reason, spat at me told me I make him depressed etc etc. I tried diffuse situation but doesn’t get me anywhere

Yesterday drank 4 cans of Stella then started on me. Calling me useless, controlling, I moan about everything. I don’t.
Today has drank 1l of Baileys, verbally abused me, every time I speak told me shut the fuck up. Called me a rat, a cunt, a thick fuck

Hes got history of doing this. I have stupidly sent him my rainy day fund in a hope of some peace. I’ve had this for years. Bailing him out whilst I sit at bottom of his priorities. I don’t know why I’ve done it. What’s wrong with me

My miserable life, no friends, don’t socialise, no date nights no little prezzies not even a nice text msg of a morning

I don’t know why I even post this but haven’t got irl friends talk to. Don’t have any friends full stop anymore.

OP posts:
Octoberdreaming · 09/02/2025 09:35

Ratbags like this don’t change. The abuse will escalate. He has absolutely zero respect or love for you.
This is not a healthy environment for your child to be around. The behaviour that he is modelling is not good for their development.
Please throw him out and change the locks. Start putting yourself first - today.
You are worthy of so much more than this.

Franjipanl8r · 09/02/2025 09:44

Change the locks, get a restraining order.

StormingNorman · 09/02/2025 09:44

Next time he threatens to go…help him pack.

ParentPerson · 09/02/2025 09:46

Sounds like you may be married to my ex husband.

RUN. It will never get better.

RisingSunn · 09/02/2025 09:49

If you can’t muster the strength to throw him out for your own well being.

Throw him out for your child’s sake! What kind of life is your child subjected to??

pictoosh · 09/02/2025 09:49

A rat, a cunt, a thick fuck.
Those are insults fuelled by hate.
And by that, I don't mean to infer that you are worthy of hate but that he is hateful.

There is nothing you can do about a man who behaves like that. He's already rotten and will continue to decay, while poisoning the earth around you.

It's not you, it's him. Start making plans to get him to almighty fuck.

HardenYourHeart · 09/02/2025 09:50

OP, this is classic abuse and the alcohol is making it worse.

Hamletscigar · 09/02/2025 09:58

One day you’ll throw him out. And thought it will be initially hard, you’ll end up regretting you didn’t do it a lot sooner

jeaux90 · 09/02/2025 10:00

OP if you won't chuck him out for you, do it for your DC. Right now they are being exposed to abuse and being taught very unhealthy relationship dynamics.

Teach them something more useful, boundaries, resilience and self respect.

thescandalwascontained · 09/02/2025 10:15

Your house?

Tell him to get to fuck. Pack his things, get him out.

Seriously. You and your child deserve better, especially in your own home.

healthybychristmas · 09/02/2025 10:17

At some point you have to accept you are in charge of your own destiny. You have let this man move in. You have given him all your money. He has destroyed your self-esteem. He shouts at you, swears at you, spits at you.

What else are you going to let him do? What is your tipping point?

You have agency here. Use it.

newbebe · 09/02/2025 10:25

Please please throw this awful man out, there is a new pain free life waiting for you. Get his things together, put them outside, lock the house from inside. Send him a text, tell him, you can no longer put up with his abuse. If he makes trouble. Call the police. Tell him you want your money back,(you ne er know he might do it) he will only spend it on drinking. It can be a nice few days away with you and your child, once you have had time to heal. Don’t waste another minute with this loser. Xxx sending strength

GCAcademic · 09/02/2025 10:29

Your poor, poor child. Can you not see the damage this is doing to them?

Ohnobackagain · 09/02/2025 10:33

Please get rid of him @zebraprintxmasdinner this is no way to live. Your child does not need him as an example to learn from. Please make sure you secure all your finances, change banking passwords and so on. I hope your rainy day fund you gave him was not huge - I guess no way to get it back. I’d be tempted to pack up his stuff while he’s out and change the locks! Being on your own is a far better alternative than what you are doing now.

TrainGame · 09/02/2025 10:33

Lie to get the rainy day find back. Think of an excuse.

He’ll just spend it on alcohol and abuse you even further.

Hes an abuser OP. A nasty nasty man who has no respect for you.

The old him is not coming back. You know that.

For the sake of your child who I’m sure you want to be a good happy stable mum for, this man needs to go.

You really don’t need him at all. This is not love.

Love is truth, kindness, respect, admiration, loyalty.

He spat at you. That is disgust and contempt.

These are two signs a relationship is irretrievably broken down.

He doesn’t love you OP and the sooner you stop hankering after the idea of love, with this man, the better.

Please see a counsellor to work on your self esteem and boundaries. You should not be allowing yourself to be treated like this. You are worthy of so much more. As women we need to police those lines very carefully because men will regularly test t them and cross them. It’s our job, to ALWAYS be able to walk away from a relationship if those boundaries are not respected. It’s your heart on the line. Treat it well, look after it, far away from this man.

TheseCalmSeas · 09/02/2025 10:35

zebraprintxmasdinner · 09/02/2025 02:24

Live together just one kid

My house but he constantly threatens to move out cos he knows he gets his own way. I’m a gullible mess.

Great, let him move out. If you can’t put yourself first, please prioritise your child.

Christwosheds · 09/02/2025 10:37

Throw him out ! If you are too low to do it for yourself then do it for your child, this a terrible situation in which to bring up a child, really damaging.

Thingymajigii · 09/02/2025 10:41

You are and your child are being abused by this man - It's time to cut your losses. Thankfully you have your own house.

He'll try to sweet talk you into believing that he will change and he may even be nice for a couple of months but believe me from someone who has been there, they never change. They eventually move on and repeat the very same thing with the new partner (eventually after some love bombing in the start)

Your life will be infinitely happier without him, you will make friends and meet someone who does treat you well but as long as you stay with this deadbeat, it won't be possible. He's ruining your life.

PenneyFouryourthoughts · 09/02/2025 10:46

The next time he leaves the house get the locks changed.

I'd install some cameras outside your front and back door too.

Leave his stuff outside.

Speak to Women's Aid for advice, not just on the separation part but how to build yourself up again afterwards. You deserve happiness.

Gemmawemma9 · 09/02/2025 10:48

OP, I hope the fact you’re posting on here means things are changing and you’re seriously considering ending things.
He is emotionally and verbally abusing you. He is financially abusing you. Spitting at you is assault; he’s physically abusive. Please don’t let him downplay or trivialise any of these things.
You say you have no support or nobody to talk to. Could you elaborate a bit? Have you lost touch with family due to his controlling behaviour, or have you never had a supportive family? Any friends you’ve lost touch with? Do you work?
Please don’t shy away from this thread. It’s taken courage to post and there are some amazing supportive people here.

Laszlomydarling · 09/02/2025 10:51

I've been where you are OP. Please try and gather your strength to end this relationship. You and your child have one precious life. Don't waste it on this abusive arsehole. Get your freedom back.

NasiDagang · 09/02/2025 10:54

I hate to say this, if he has paid for any major repairs on the house then he has acquired beneficial interest. It'll be difficult to throw him out.

Bananalanacake · 09/02/2025 10:59

Does he pay anything towards bills? I hope his name is not on the tenancy therefore he has no claim on your house. Next time he threatens to move out throw his stuff out after him, though I wouldn't wait for that and get a male relative to back you up when you tell him to leave, you could also call the police if he kicks off.

Inciwinci · 09/02/2025 11:05

Report the spitting and any other evidence you have to police domestic violence team. They won’t make you take anything forward, but you will then be in a stronger position when you tell him to leave. If there have been any physical assaults, then do you have pictures? Share with police. The threat of police involvement was enough to get my friends psycho partner to behave reasonably until she was able to get herself sorted, and change the housing arrangements completely. Try to get your money back as well. He deserves not a penny of it. Or make sure he is paying for as much as possible while you save up again. You must stop treating him as an ally and protect you and your child first.

ItGhoul · 09/02/2025 11:06

He is abusing you and your child.

Do you realise that spitting at you is actually assault?

You need to speak to Women’s Aid as soon as you possibly can about getting this man out of your life. He’s dangerous and this harming not only you but also your child.