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Original poster

He has me in tears

166 replies

zebraprintxmasdinner · 09/02/2025 02:20

Posted before about partner and his temper
Saving up for a car makes him in a bad mood which in turn he has been taking out on me

Lasy weekend he went pub Friday night. Started on me Saturday for no reason, spat at me told me I make him depressed etc etc. I tried diffuse situation but doesn’t get me anywhere

Yesterday drank 4 cans of Stella then started on me. Calling me useless, controlling, I moan about everything. I don’t.
Today has drank 1l of Baileys, verbally abused me, every time I speak told me shut the fuck up. Called me a rat, a cunt, a thick fuck

Hes got history of doing this. I have stupidly sent him my rainy day fund in a hope of some peace. I’ve had this for years. Bailing him out whilst I sit at bottom of his priorities. I don’t know why I’ve done it. What’s wrong with me

My miserable life, no friends, don’t socialise, no date nights no little prezzies not even a nice text msg of a morning

I don’t know why I even post this but haven’t got irl friends talk to. Don’t have any friends full stop anymore.

OP posts:
Hwi · 09/02/2025 08:13

Get out, please get out. What a swine. Cut your losses and get out. It won't be worse, it will be liberating, don't be afraid to be on your own, and if you don't want to be on your own, surely there are better people out there. What a swine.

cryinglaughing · 09/02/2025 08:14

I know it is easy said but you need this man out of your life.
Not only has he harmed your friendships and self esteem, what will his outbursts be doing to your child? ☹️
For both of your sakes, get him out!

andyouwillknowusbythetrailofdead · 09/02/2025 08:16

This is the example you're setting for your child of how a relationship should look OP. It's not good enough. For god's sake kick him out for your kid's benefit if not for your own. Don't let yourself be manipulated by an abusive drunk. You and your DC deserve better.

Zanatdy · 09/02/2025 08:19

What a disgusting excuse of a man. Please contact women’s aid and get this man out of your life. For you, and more importantly for your child.

Channellingsophistication · 09/02/2025 08:19

You need to get him to leave. This is no way for you and your child to live. It’s easier said than done but you will feel such relief and liberation once he is gone.

Is he the father of your child?

Do you have someone that can be with you when you ask him to leave? Once he has left change the locks immediately! Then that will be the first day of the rest of your life free from the misery!

Soitis83 · 09/02/2025 08:20

I was you some years ago. I left. I'm not so happy with three children with a man that adores me. Don't stay, it never gets better

ThriveIn2025 · 09/02/2025 08:32

I had a friend who was in a similar situation. Her bf did coke, would come home and smash up the flat. I asked her why she stayed with him. She said she felt like she had spent so much of her life with him. Invested so much of her time and energy, she couldn’t face walking away. She didn’t want to “waste” that or admit all those years were a mistake.

A lot of people have been where you are, you are far from alone OP. My advice? Well it depends if you are ready. Ready to admit that this isn’t a healthy relationship and he isn’t your Prince Charming. Once you can admit that you’ll be able to take steps to get him out. You say he threatens to leave? Does he have anywhere he can go? This would be my starting point. Getting him out so you can have a chance to heal.

Edited to add - the photo is under review but if you have a chance today check out ‘sunk cost fallacy’. That’s what your problem is (in my opinion).

He has me in tears
NavyTiger · 09/02/2025 08:33

Please get away from this so called man it won't change if anything it will get worse both you and your child don't deserve to be around this toxic environment you sound a lovely person who just needs to find herself I was like u Please PM me if u want

Sharptonguedwoman · 09/02/2025 08:35

zebraprintxmasdinner · 09/02/2025 02:24

Live together just one kid

My house but he constantly threatens to move out cos he knows he gets his own way. I’m a gullible mess.

Get your friends/parents round and get him to leave. No one needs this kind of behaviour. Don't fall for emotional blackmail either. Honestly, get rid and change the locks. Have a mate stay for a few nights.

Goldengirl123 · 09/02/2025 08:35

Please please leave. You don’t mention children but whatever you do don’t have any with him

LIZS · 09/02/2025 08:36

He's an abusive alcoholic. Protect your child and kick him out.

Lost20211 · 09/02/2025 08:37

Oh, OP, he’s abusing you. Contact Women’s Aid, please.

Sending you love.

MyDeftDuck · 09/02/2025 08:38

Pack his bags.....................change the locks..................stop all contact!
You deserve better.

Convolvulus · 09/02/2025 08:38

zebraprintxmasdinner · 09/02/2025 02:24

Live together just one kid

My house but he constantly threatens to move out cos he knows he gets his own way. I’m a gullible mess.

Surely that's your answer. When he threatens to move out, show him the door, chuck his things out after him, and change the locks. You and your child will be much, much happier. Result.

JoyousPinkPeer · 09/02/2025 08:41

Op, this is absolutely vile behaviour. Do you want your child to witness this as they grow up so that they think it is normal?
Please, for your child's sake and your's get him to leave. Any near violence, phone the police.

ILoveLeopard245 · 09/02/2025 08:43

If you can’t get rid of this vile man for you, it is worth noting you have a parental responsibility to safeguard and prioritise your child’s needs. If this is the environment your child is living in - with an abusive alcoholic- then they are not being protected or prioritised.
Change the locks, get him out. You both deserve far better.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 09/02/2025 08:45

You are in an abusive, controlling relationship where he is coercively controlling you - which is against the law incase you weren’t sure.

You have control over your housing - fantastic. Now we have to find a way to get you away from him.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 09/02/2025 08:46

ILoveLeopard245 · 09/02/2025 08:43

If you can’t get rid of this vile man for you, it is worth noting you have a parental responsibility to safeguard and prioritise your child’s needs. If this is the environment your child is living in - with an abusive alcoholic- then they are not being protected or prioritised.
Change the locks, get him out. You both deserve far better.

Also true. If you can’t find the self worth to protect yourself you absolutely can find the Mumma Bear required to protect your child and keep them safe.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 09/02/2025 08:47

zebraprintxmasdinner · 09/02/2025 02:24

Live together just one kid

My house but he constantly threatens to move out cos he knows he gets his own way. I’m a gullible mess.

You’re the one in a strong position OP not him. It’s your house. Get advice from a domestic abuse service and work out the best way to chuck him out.

RabbitsRock · 09/02/2025 08:52

Goldengirl123 the OP has one child

MsVi · 09/02/2025 08:53

Why are you letting this man ruin your life. You are worth more than this. Tell him to go.

DutifulDaughterWifeMother · 09/02/2025 08:56

Hey OP, I think you know he needs to go but the question is how you can safely make that happen. Pls ring the Police on the non emergency number and tell them everything. Ask them for support to remove him from your home & get an order barring him from returning. Is he the father of your child?

Do not think his behaviour for 1 second is not affecting your little one.

Everything probably seems a lot for you to cope with right now but just think of the peace you will have when you no longer have this vile man in your life.

You and your little one deserve so much more. You say you no longer have any friends but I think if you reached out & told them about him your friends would turn up for you. I don’t know you OP but I am here cheering you on to remove this excuse of a man. You can do this, it’s time to bring out Mama Bear!!!!

Whattheduck · 09/02/2025 08:56

MyDeftDuck · 09/02/2025 08:38

Pack his bags.....................change the locks..................stop all contact!
You deserve better.

This
He will never change
You said you sent him your rainy day fund hoping to get some peace you will never get any peace whilst he is still in your life

MrsMoastyToasty · 09/02/2025 08:58

Kick him out. Involve the police if needs must.

He has nowhere to go- HIS problem.
He gets arrested for the abuse- HIS problem.

Come on @zebraprintxmasdinner . You wouldn't accept this behaviour from someone who approached you in the street and treated you in this way. Why accept it from someone who is supposed to be your life partner?

SpringBunnyHopHop · 09/02/2025 08:59

Pack his bags and change the locks next time he goes out and call the police.