To think this reaction is self absorbed.

[Mrsmozza123]

So. Everyone is fine but.
I went to check on my 4 year DS while he was sleeping. He'd taken his duvet out of the cover got inside the duvet cover and wrapped himself in it. I found him tangled and for a terrible split second I thought he could have strangled or suffocated. He was fine, a bit hot but definitely breathing and moving. Thank goodness.
I called my DH for help a few times and he shouted back "Yes?".
Eventually once I knew DS was safe I went downstairs to tell DH what had happened. I was really shaken.
DH seemed more concerned that i was having a go at him for not coming upstairs. I really wasn't.
I was expecting him to hug me or say thank goodness he's OK, to share my concern.

Instead he was saying "well you didn't sound very panicked, how was it supposed to know you needed me?"
And
"Sounds like you've just come downstairs to have a go at me"
I just walked off, I've had a little cup of tea and a cry on my own because I can't sleep.

Pretty clear YABU. Just take the 'L' and apologise to your husband.

Unfortunately, if you weren't there, it does sound like a complete non event. I do feel for you though, as you've obviously had a fright. Both my DP and I have had a shock when our late dog had appeared to be unresponsive and not breathing in the night. My DP shouted me out of bed, in a panic, when he discovered this scenario. I can only imagine the fright if it was our child.
I hope you feel better when you wake up today. Your DH could have shown a little sympathy, when you explained your fright, even if it does sound like a non event.

“You are not nice people”

was I over reacting? A bit yes.

“Well just wait for the encore!!!”

@Mrsmozza123 i absolutely get that this could have been shocking for a few seconds. And then it was fine. And now you’re making a huge deal about something that didn’t happen and your husband not comforting you over something that didn’t happen and that’s now a huge deal. Everyone else isn’t the issue.

You know what you saw and how you felt, OP. No one can tell you that your reaction was the wrong one x

No, she needed a hug from her sodding husband. Which is what she's said, repeatedly.

A very sensible post, user.

Op, time to calm down and see it in perspective. Buy a duvet cover that isn't so easy to get off, I'm sure they must exist, or you could alter one accordingly. There are also washable coverless duvets, here is one, you may find cheaper elsewhere if you look around: https://www.finebedding.co.uk/products/night-lark-junior-in-the-garden-childrens-coverless-duvet-pillowcase-set

All over now. Your husband did nothing wrong, he didn't understand is all, he wasn't there.

If you have just done 8 weeks solo parenting, this might explain your DH’s reaction. He has spent 8 weeks not responding to your child’s needs or your needs. He has checked out while away and not checked back in again yet. It makes me think of that thread ‘My husband’s a surgeon’…”Why are you bothering me about events of no consequence when I have performed life-saving surgery today?” kind of thing.

I did a child first aid course when my DC were little. One of the things they highlighted is that people's default response when their partner calls to them in the house is that it isn't an emergency. The advice was to be specific when you call eg "X, come immediately, DC isn't responding" rather than just "X, help".

That sounds bloody scary to me OP! Coverless duvet tomorrow!

Your 'D'H could have/should have been a lot kinder, instead of which he made it all about him.

Is he in the army?

Your DH sounds like a bit of a twat, couldn't be arsed to go upstairs when he heard you shout, then felt defensive and so was more of a twat when you told him what had happened.

I don't understand how the majority of people on this thread can't grasp that a child inside a duvet cover can twist the fabric around their neck and get tangled up to the point that they may struggle to breath, and that a parent seeing a child tangled inside a cover with the fabric tight around their neck might well panic!

Duvet covers may well be something easy to breathe through... but not if your airway is compromised by a tight band of fabric around it!

Children have died this way, and also by being caught up in fitted sheets, similarly getting some over their head then wrapped around the neck.

...that you know of.

Some of the most outwardly capable people I know really struggle in private (I only know because we're close and they've told me). At times, their anxiety has led to "dramatic" behaviour that they wouldn't generally recognise.

Op, I'd have been scared too. A lot of the people on this thread have obviously never heard of positional asphyxia.

Probably from this post of yours (emphasis added):

"I left it in the end. I tried explaining but
I could see it heading to an argument so I dropped it.
It's a common theme sadly."

A "common theme" is a pattern.

There's really no need to be snarky with that poster who posted perfectly respectfully and with a clear intent to help following your post noting that this is a common pattern of communication between you and your DH.

I'm so sorry you had a fright with your little one and felt unsupported. However, if you can't identify that this response to @GravyBoatWars is a bit off, I honestly and gently think that you might have some work to do on your own communication skills too. Good luck.

(Edited for typo)

I can understand your initial panic, everyone gets that sometimes and it is natural. I don't get why you needed to call for your husband a few times for help, what did you need help with?

That said, obviously if I called him DH would come and see what for, as I would in reverse.

I wouldn't have been feeling angry or upset with him in this instance though, as it does sound very over dramatic.

Is there more to this? Your reaction was over the top, you must know that. Is this more to do with the relationship between you and your DH? Are you two generally distant and not affectionate with each other?

His reaction was a bit off. I'm glad your child was OK.

Please leave me alone

I find my 4 year old in all kinds of crazy sleeping modes- face mashed against the bed guard, lying the completely wrong way in the bed, covered by duvet or completely out the duvet. They seem to move around ALOT in their sleep at this age!

Hi OP, this sounds really scary and I’m glad your little one is ok. I can see how this could happen - a duvet cover without the duvet in it is like a sleeping bag, so if he’s then rolled and thrashed about (my little one is a wild sleeper!) he could get to the point where he’s so tangled he can’t get himself out - the fabric won’t ’release’ itself like an ordinary blanket or sheet would when it’s pushed, as it’s like a bag. I get it. I’ve seen mine really tangled up - though not over their head in the way you describe, in the end I got mine a coverless duvet and onesie type pjs for when they throw this off in winter. As for your DH, unless he’s got form for being an idiot, I just don’t think he grasped what was going on, you were shaken, it was the middle of the night, both tired? Easy miscommunication. Hope today is better and sending hugs.

Maybe he is getting fed up with the overreaction? We only have the op's version that this is the only time she acts like this

Can you point out where i was attacking? I've asked one person to leave me alone because of multiple posts twisting the facts.

The others I've simply re explained points or clarified information that's been misinterpreted.

Take it down to the basics.
I was scared for my child's wellbeing for a second. Natural adrenaline response had me feeling shaken. Husband chose not to comfort me but to go on the defensive and feel sorry for himself. I come to mumsnet for some compassion.
Find myself in a vipers nest.

It sounds really scary and i’m sure most mothers would panic if they saw what you described. Maybe it was an over reaction as he was fine, but what you’re saying is that in that moment you thought the worse and that must have been so scary. Hope you are ok, and yes your DH could have listened and given you a hug.

So I think the issue here is what you've asked and the way you've asked it.

Dog post woman has crucially asked about her behaviour - she has said she is having a wobble and asked for opinions and support.

You posted about an incident and then jumped to a third party and said he's being unreasonable isn't he?

I guess he probably is - sounds defensive - but it's 'am I being unreasonable' and no-one can question him about what he was thinking. Whilst you are not questioning your version of events or how it might come across at all. It does come across as self-absorbed.

And when you ask a question in AIBU there are a certain amount of people who just go 'yes probably - you've come on the internet to ask, so yeah'

I'm sorry but I don't think your SH dud anything wrong.i would gave reacted in exactly the same way as him.