To tell woman about her partner's kinks?

[frogmella123]

She is a distant acquaintance, I know him better. They had a brief relationship (him on the rebound) and she is now pregnant.
So they got "together", not living together or even in the same county, but in some sort of situationship.
But I know he is into swinging and sex clubs. She doesn't know. He hasn't told her.
I know it's really not any of my business and I should probably leave it well alone. I don't really want to get involved, except I can't shake the feeling that if it were me or were happening to a close friend then i'd want to know. She is basing a relationship and that of their unborn child on lies. She thinks he's faithful and monogamous.
I don't judge him for how he wants to live his life or get his kicks, but i do judge him for leading this woman up the garden path.
AIBU to say something?

YABU = Stay out of it
YANBU = She deserves to know

How on earth do you know that she doesn't know?

If she's a distant acquaintance, how do you know she doesn't know? I would stay well out of it, it's not your business.

He told me that he has not been honest with her.

I know it's really not any of my business and I should probably leave it well alone. I don't really want to get involved

My arse, do you not want to get involved 🙄

You hardly know the woman, keep your beak out.

I really don't. But I also don't want to see this women sideswiped when it eventually all comes out. I feel like a bit of a ghoul sitting on the sidelines.

I know someone who is a swinger and expecting a child at the moment and am curious as to whether it is the same person or there's loads of them around 😂
But in all seriousness, keep out. No-one will gain anything from you getting involved.

She’s only a ‘distant acquaintance’? So how do you know whether she’s aware of her partner’s swinging or not? You don’t really have any idea of the nature of her relationship with this man behind closed doors. You describe it yourself as a ‘situationship’ so that doesn’t sound like anything serious to me.

Even if you do, this is still none of your business. Keep your beak out. It’s not your place to make an issue of this.

Why on earth are you talking to a random man about whether he’s fessed up about swinging to his pregnant situation ship?

I feel like a bit of a ghoul sitting on the sidelines.

So take your knitting elsewhere.

You don't have to be anywhere near the sidelines, these people aren't even your friends.

You're not his ex-wife are you?! 😅

Don’t watch, then. Just step away and leave your swinging friend to it.

He is my friend of 30+ years. We talk. I've always been "tolerant" of his lifestyle choices, but this whole thing seems wrong.

Keeping my beak out is probably best though.

Mel Robbins theory . Let them . Not your monkey , not your circus .

She is a distant acquaintance, I know him better.

Strange way to describe an actual friend.

Stay out of it
Not your concern at all

So the guy, in his lifetime, had gone to sex clubs and swinging parties with other consenting adults who also enjoy the same sexual activities.

I'm not sure why you think this is something you need to discuss with his current partner?

Would you appreciate it if someone you knew approached your partner and divulged intimate details of sex acts you engaged in before you'd got together? I doubt it.

You may not approve of his sexual choices, but unless you've any reason to believe his sexual partners were not able to consent to their activities with him then it's none of your business and it's actually quite weird to me that you think it is?

And are you intimating that he's currently being unfaithful to her? How is it that you know so many intimate details of this guys current sex life?

If you've been friends with him for that long OP, then rather than telling her, I think you should tell him to be honest with her, and possibly threaten him that if he doesn't tell her, then you will.

While I agree that you'd be better off not getting involved, I too wouldn't want any woman to find herself pregnant and in this situation, and at the very least, he should be getting himself checked out, to make sure he hasn't got any sexually transmitted diseases which could harm her baby, and of course telling her, if he has.

If he is cheating on her, then yes. Tell her.

I always have done in this situation, whether it is a man or woman being cheated on.

It is a disgusting thing to do to someone and I wouldn't be able to sleep having that knowledge. People have a right to know what the person sharing their bed and home is doing.

You'll have loads of people along to tell you to stay out of it... But if it was you, wouldn't you want to know?

The answer is yes. We would ALL want to know. But the majority of people are too weak and cowardly to do the brave and honest thing. Turning our heads away and saying "not our problem" is pretty despicable imo.

This is the issue I have.
l have said he needs to tell her. He hasn't.
Its ruined our friendship TBH.

I would want to know. I never understand when people say don't get involved as that's how these men get away with it!

That's right. It's not my problem. But if I were involved, I would want to know.

The swinging etc is active, not a past activity.

That's a mean and unnecessary comment.

Because she doesn't want to see a new mum blindsided finding out her new boyfriend and father of her child is a fucking reprobate who is actively and currently cheating on her in swingers clubs? Maybe?

Not all women are jealous witches out to hurt eachother.