To tell woman about her partner's kinks?

[frogmella123]

She is a distant acquaintance, I know him better. They had a brief relationship (him on the rebound) and she is now pregnant.
So they got "together", not living together or even in the same county, but in some sort of situationship.
But I know he is into swinging and sex clubs. She doesn't know. He hasn't told her.
I know it's really not any of my business and I should probably leave it well alone. I don't really want to get involved, except I can't shake the feeling that if it were me or were happening to a close friend then i'd want to know. She is basing a relationship and that of their unborn child on lies. She thinks he's faithful and monogamous.
I don't judge him for how he wants to live his life or get his kicks, but i do judge him for leading this woman up the garden path.
AIBU to say something?

YABU = Stay out of it
YANBU = She deserves to know

I am with @StrawberryDream24 and I would absolutely want to know if I was in that position!

What does him being a swinger have to do with them being in a monogamous relationship?

Maybe I am reading it differently but I did not read that he is a cheat. Somebody can be into swinging and sex clubs but not be a cheat.

If he is being unfaithful then of course she has a right to know.

If it’s just that he is into sex clubs and swinging but OP has no idea what the rules of this relationship are then she should mind her business.

Quite!

Of course you should tell her.

Do it for sisterhood and fuck all the people who say it's jealousy. They just reveal their own motivations anyway. Plus who would want this pitiful excuse of a man.

Having sex with someone else is cheating, if this woman thinks she’s in a monogamous relationship.

Having sex with other women increases the risk of him having an STI, which could endanger this woman and her baby.

Read what I wrote again.

Read what the op wrote.

I did.

If the problem is he’s a cheat - then state that. He is cheating and she has a right to know.

His “kinks” are completely irrelevant. The issue would be cheating.

(Although given this is a “situationship”, i.e two single people, and she is a distant acquaintance I would likely mind my business).

This 💯. It’s not your business so, obviously, stay well out of it, 🙄

If the problem is he’s a cheat - then state that.

She did.

In her first post.

She is basing a relationship and that of their unborn child on lies. She thinks he's faithful and monogamous.

"I am guessing they are not really commited to each other anyway and there is a good chance she knows about his sexual activity in terms of swinging or that they are in an open relationship so would already have an awareness that he has had sex with others."

Surely if that is the case there's no harm and no hard feelings if OP spoke to the woman. However, if she does not know and she is made aware - OP will be doing her a huge favour.

The worst case scenario is not being believed, but that's still worth taking the chance, whichever way you look at it.

I'm getting so much bitterness and self preservation (selfishness) from the 'it's not your business' women. Sad.

"I am guessing they are not really commited to each other anyway and there is a good chance she knows about his sexual activity in terms of swinging or that they are in an open relationship so would already have an awareness that he has had sex with others."

The woman is pregnant, unless it was by accident that surely indicates some level of commitment.

I loathe the 'not your circus' BS. Men get away with the worst shit because of it.

In this situation, a woman & unborn child are being deceived & it being kept from her serves ONLY to protect the man. He's the ONLY one to benefit from the secrecy, carrying on with his sex-clubs & swinging while a woman grows a whole damn human inside her then risks her life getting the thing out having no idea.

She might not care! But she's a right to know & decide from there.

I'm so fucking done with women covering up repugnant male behaviour.

I certainly assumed it was accidental from the way the OP described the chain of events.

Well they are in a "situationship" not a relationship so I think it was indeed an accident

Also safeguarding is EVERYONE's job

Problem is safeguarding isn’t just a word you bandy about on the internet. It’s completely irrelevant to this situation. So who do you actually raise this with a safeguarding concern and what do you think they are going to do about it?

Yes, Safeguarding is
But being a swinger isn't a Safeguarding concern unless they're taking the children to watch...

I would tell her

If he is into swinging, then he is cheating. Having sex with someone else is cheating.

Totally agree. I cannot understand the misogynistic stfu tone earlier in this thread.

Yes, you could argue it’s none of her business but morally I don’t know how you live with it. Illumination is the only true pure thing when people are up to no good. And being a sleazy lying skank to the person who is birthing your child is just wrong.

safeguarding isn't only about children.

It’s also about domestic abuse, vulnerable adults and unborn babies.

I know what Safeguarding is about

Your partner being a swinger isn't a Safeguarding concern.

You're safeguarding a pregnant woman whose foetus is at risk and who thinks is in a monogomous relationship

A you don't know she doesn't know
B) he probably doesn't give a shit as she's not as judgmental as you
C) none of your business

That's not Safeguarding. That's making a judgemental decision about a situation

Try going to social services "hello, yes my friend is a swinger and he got someone pregnant who he's now in a 'situationship' with. I don't know her, she might know, she isn't living with him and lives some distance away and I don't know if they're sleeping together"