Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

[keithmoo]

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

Dh is a pilot and was literally earning 4x the amount he earned in the UK over there but we moved back after 6 months. I found the US’s streetscape to be just really bloody ugly to the point it depressed me. It made the village we had left look like Rivendell.

My two closest friends live in the US (though both lived in UK for 15+ years) and both are seriously considering moving back to the UK at the moment.

Kjtjery I was critiquing the suggestion in an earlier post that because the bad guys won't hand in their guns we are better off all being armed. Which is an excuse not to regulate gun ownership.

When I lived in the Stares I was shocked to meet 2 people whose male relatives had been shot and killed in road rage incidents. Nearly 40 years later I've never met anyone in the UK who has been hurt in a gun situation let alone killed. (I've known one person hurt in a knife incident before someone says it).

Just reading the news today - looks like Trump is heavily baiting Hamas. With these extreme statements made to extremists out of thin air, with this one man ruler vibe, will the US be at far higher threat if terrorism now or soon, and can the Republicans stop him from doing what he likes? Who knows. But who also knows what on earth he'll do tomorrow.

On that basis alone and also school shooting drills I wouldn't go there. School shooting drills must be such an anxiety riddled concept for kids.

So you've met 2 people?

More money does not equal better outcomes—federal money has been used for quite some time to fund poor school districts. it’s not really helped all that much tbh

I always pull the ‘Vermont and New Hampshire have some of the highest gun ownership rates and have literally the lowest crime rates in America.

This is a complicated issue and one that is really not gonna affect an UMC expat family in the Midwest.

Surprisingly these are blue!

Yes you are bonkers, absolute no no if you have daughters, and even if you don't, why would you move to somewhere so politically unstable - do you really think Trump will go quietly this time after 4 years. You're basically thinking of moving your family to a violent place that is highly likely to soon be wrapped up in a civil war (if not an international war if Trump follows through on any of his threats - like invading Greenland etc).

Reform will win the next election. Get out while you have the opportunity.

Have you ever been here, or just seen it in the movies and the news?

If Reform wins the next election, UK politics will be aligned with that of the US (so much for 'sovereignty' but hey). So leaving the UK because of Farage to head to Trump's US is literally jumping from the frying pan into the fire.

Typical Guardian reader. I have in-laws that trust British media before the experience of an actual American. Sad.

Who are you calling a Guardian reader?

The important correlation is not gun ownership but gun laws.
giffords.org/lawcenter/resources/scorecard/
VT and NH have high gun ownership because they are very rural (people have a gun to scare bears away) & have strong outdoor traditions. They have some key gun control measures in place though. Gun crime is mostly about bigger picture of demographics, poverty, overall crime, urban/rural etc https://www.thetrace.org/2024/01/gun-laws-vermont-new-hampshire-maine/

@keithmoo Have you decided what to do? Has your partner actually got the contract yet? Personally I wouldn’t hesitate. Just make sure there is a clause you don’t have to repay the relocation expenses if you leave within the specified minimum window (if possible).

I would like to point out that the US is massively varied in terms of architecture, landscape, and city layout. I really like where I live. The idea of living in Phoenix, on the other hand, is unthinkable. Same with parts of Texas. It's endless housing estates on dead flat prairie.

What @knitnerd90 said above. I'd hate to live anywhere south of the Mason-Dixon Line but I love it here in Maine, and would be happy to live in many other northern states.

There is an awful lot of scaremongering on this thread that just doesn't comport with the lived experience of many of us.

Roe Vs Wade
Trump
Elon Musk
Guns
Uber conservative Christianity

These are all real and significant things.

Where did I say that? I was talking about the risk to black or brown kids and disagreeing with the assertion that they'd be safe as they'd be middle class and the even more ridiculous assertion that they would never come across poorer kids. Quite the opposite to what you are suggesting I think middle class kids do drugs here and in the US. Not quite so much racism here but not by much but definitely less risk of getting shot.

I hope that has helped you understand.

I wonder if the OP has been reading over the last five days and if so, has found anything helpful.

@knitnerd90 where would you recommend to live? Or visit?

I would go for left leaning, an extensive, proper 'historic core' of interesting buildings and easy access to beautiful countryside. No intrusive Christian stuff. No extremes of temperature. Farmers market and individual independent shops.

Well that is a bit of a sweeping statement, it is very beautiful where I live, far nicer looking than the part of London I grew up in!

Not addressed to me but I would say Boston, which I really like as a city

I also really like Philadelphia

The DC area has a lot going for it but I personally couldn't take the heat in the summer

Definitely Boston or somewhere in the greater boston area. Concord and similar towns are gorgeous.