AIBU to think family should wait for us to order

[CatherineRose16]

I am away for 2 nights in a hotel with my 2 sisters and our families to celebrate my oldest sisters birthday. I am the youngest sister. My older sisters are very close and I often feel a little left out with my sisters. Anyway we had a meal booked for 6.30 in the hotel restaurant last night. My kids wanted to go for a swim so we did that before the meal. My sisters and their families went for a drink in the bar. Anyway at 6.15 my sister texts me to ask were we coming for the meal. We were just getting dressed after the swim so I replied yes, we will be there at 6.30. We arrived at 6.30 and they were already seated and had ordered their food. So it ended up that they were eating their food and were completely finished by the time our food arrived. My kids had to sit and watch their cousins eat and it just made me very uncomfortable. My nephew told my kids that they were late (we were perfectly on time for the booking). If we had known sisters were going early we could have spent less time in the pool. AIBU to be upset about this? I obviously didn't say anything to my sisters as I didn't want to argue on my sisters birthday but it's just another time where my sisters have made me feel bad about myself.

A few people have said we were rude going for a swim so that's interesting.
Kids really wanted to go and I ensured we would be ready for the dinner at 6.30.

6.20 maybe- what time did you go in/get out of the pool? I’d assume someone with three kids would need at least an hour to be dinner ready, were they aware of your movements at this time?

We checked in at 4 and went for a swim soon after arrival. Not sure of the exact timings but got to the restaurant for 6.30.
They were aware we were going for a swim as I sent a message to the family whatsapp.

You weren’t. We would have done that and turned up at the time we arranged.

if we had planned to go for drinks beforehand we would have arranged that.

I have never heard of arranging the time to have dinner and then somehow implicitly you are meant to meet earlier.

and even if you were ‘late’ they should have waited for you. I accidentally turned up to a meal 30 mins late because I misread the time. They waited for us.

Exactly this.

Also, I've done a lot of waitressing, and it's really not normal for people to order their food before the rest of their party has arrived. I'd only ever expect to see that if the people who have arrived are in a hurry (i.e. they're going to the theatre afterwards, or they only have the table until 8, or it's already getting late) and the people who haven't arrived are already quite late and haven't said they'll be there in a few minutes.

No waiter or waitress is going to suggest taking a food order from half a party who have turned up early when the rest of their party isn't even late yet. At most they'll take a drinks order. So the OP's family must have specifically said to the waiter, we want to go ahead and order our food , the rest of our party can order when they arrive.

I could see it if they ordered for the kids but it’s strange they all ordered they could have at the very least if they were really hungry sent you a picture of the menu and ordered yours too

It wasn't rude to go for a swim; you are paying for use of the facilities. You can't dance to your sisters' tune 24/7.

We always aim to arrive 10/15 minutes early if there is a separate bar at the restaurant. Means you can have a proper greeting rather than trying to do the hey hug over a table. Children can of all gone to the bathroom before we are seated after claiming they didn’t need to go before we left.

We wouldn’t order till the agreed time though unless the restaurant were basically trying to rush up to the table and order. Then we wouldn’t return to that location again though.

Possibly they were annoyed that you went swimming without them when it’s meant to be a celebration for your sister but that’s someone they should use their words about. I wouldn’t have an issue with it. I would if you was late but you say you were not.

Really? I'd see both meeting informally in the bar a bit early and going straight to the restaurant at 6.30 perfectly normal. And I certainly wouldn't order before the agreed time unless I had a reason like being in a mad rush.

That's ride. They could have ordered starters to share and waited for you.

What your sisters did was rude and weird. You don't agree to meet for dinner, arrive 15 mins early and proceed to order without waiting for the others. Ordering a drink, fine, ordering their food was weird and a faux pas.

I think some posters are answering with the view of ordering a meal in a restaurant rather than a hotel restaurant

Restaurant - would arrive at time because not often somewhere to wait

Hotel restaurant - would go down early for a drink first (perfectly fine for kids to be in a hotel bar)

Still wouldn’t order when you knew people were coming a few minutes later. I do think it’s all down to you going swimming. Family get together and you go off and do your own thing straight after checking in may have been perceived as rude to them, as if you didn’t want to socialise with them

You weren't rude at all Op.

They knew where you were & could have joined you or asked you to meet at the bar at 6/6.15.

You were there at 6.30 for when the table was booked.

This thread is actually driving me crazy with all the "I would arrive 10/15 minutes early for a booking". That's irrelevant.

Nobody with an ounce of decency would order food before the whole party had arrived unless they were super late. It doesn't matter that OP didn't go to the bar for a drink or that she didn't get to the table until the planned time of 6.30. Ordering food before everyone is there is bloody rude!

Don't do this to yourself.
You got there at 6.30, there was no need to arrive earlier.

Why would you want a 'quick drink' at the bar when you could just order one at the table? This wasn't a business meeting, there were kids present. What are they supposed to do at the bar? That is something I don't understand.

It sounds as if there is a bit of a powerplay going on with your family, OP. Now you know how they operate. If you have to have a family thing again, be early. Anything else, decline.

I would rather be in the pool than sitting in a bar.

Yes I feel this, yes technically it was booked at 6.30 and arriving then because of being stuck in traffic yes fine but no one i ever bed delbratley arrives right the exact time always earlier, it is not a dentist appointment

Yes they were rude. They knew you were on your way down they should have waited

Your family were rude, not you. Dinner time was set for 6.30pm, you were there at that time. If their kids were hungry, a portion of fries could have been ordered for them.

But most restaurants you turn up and get seated. There isn’t normally somewhere to wait until your table booking time. A busy restaurant would most likely be still preparing your table if you turn up early.

Driving from DPs family to mine on Christmas day, I messaged to say we were 15 mins away and would be essentially 15 mins later than planned, we arrived and walked uncomfortably in on them having already started eating. Couldn't have just waited 15 mins. I felt like I was intruding. Like yours OP a little mean perhaps.

I think the arrival time etiquette is a red herring. Unless anyone in the party is being a total arse, surely you wait for the whole party to arrive and then order. I mean, it's a meal that you want to share with other people. What's the point in eating separately?

From OP's sister behaviour I would take that she didn't actually want to eat with her sister and their children.

Or maybe there's a massive back story and there are camels and straws involved.

Yes, that is uncomfortable. Hope you managed to enjoy the day anyway.

This thread is totally batshit!

Dinner was at 6.30, they got there at 6.30 the others went early and ordered dinner and were so rude and didn't wait!

Why does it matter what the OP did, how long she swam how long it took to dry the kids or get ready??? They were at the restaurant at 6.30 which was previously arranged!!!!!! Mumsnet is mental with all the different answers making it look like the OP is the fuckwit in this scenario.

Your sisters were rude, OP. Not you.

But you're here putting yourself down constantly, saying you're oversensitive, an overthinker, take things too personally, and how you should have done x, y, or z.

You did absolutely nothing wrong.

I honestly think you should get some kind of therapy because your posts are quite sad.

I'm sorry they've made you feel so down on yourself.