To hate Friday evenings

[toastbutterjamandtea]

We have two children, DS(4) and DD (2). DS used to go to an after school club twice a week with me picking up the other three days. On Fridays this club has now stopped due to lack of intake.

This isn’t as bad as it could have been because DH usually works from home Fridays but now it means he has to rush out to get DS then carries on working while DS watches TV. He gets bored, demands snacks (which DH gives to him which I do understand because he’s still working) and then starts messing around and messing the lounge and toy area up.

So I have to get DD from nursery and she’s always at her most clingy and demanding then walk through the door and have to cajole DS into having a healthy dinner and have an absolute tip. Then DS is always stroppy and difficult at bath time.

I have changed my work hours in light of this but I can’t do so until September. So right now I HATE Fridays!

You seem to live in a very remote area and are lacking in a reliable source of childcare.
What did you consider before you had children? This will continue to be a problem, so what have you discussed about the future? If there's literally no childminder or babysitter available at all, you're working and the DH working, then something has to give.
There's no point in everyone being so unhappy.

To be fair it’s a tricky time of day anyway. I hate the 3-6 doom shift. But it’s easier on the days when DS is in wraparound or I’m not working.

I am really happy with where we live @PoppysAunt . We moved here because we had children!

What is your arrangement in the school holidays? Do you alternate leave to cover every week? As whatever provision you use then, is that available?

Ok, that's nice, but you can see how it's limiting your support network?
What would you do if one of you was ill?

Well, what would we do if one of us was ill and lived in a city? I’m not meaning that facetiously - I genuinely don’t think it’s relevant. Yes, we’re remote but that has as many benefits as drawbacks and it’s not as if we’d magically have a lovely support network in a town.

No - I am a teacher so it isn’t needed then.

What happens on the days you pick ds up from school - do you work shorter days then?

You'd have a childminder near by. You'd have a babysitter. You'd have a student who could do a couple of hours.
If one of you was ill and you lived in a city, or even in a village with neighbours you'd have someone to call on, someone to help.
I live in a quiet semi rural location. My neighbours had to call an ambulance for their asthmatic son. They asked me to sit with their little girl while they were gone. That's the beauty of having neighbours.
It's not magical.
It's practical.

Eh, I can appreciate the moan; I hate walking into a bombsite too.

I’ve found it easier by forcing myself to chill about it; though. My DS is three and knows we tidy up before dinner, so he’ll do a (somewhat half hearted sometimes) tidy up of the main toys, and anything that’s just been poured out goes into a storage box… and then whoever doesn't do bedtime sorts that and the rest of the tidying/loading dishwasher/etc, during bedtime.

I think Fridays are probably feeling a lot worse for you because it sounds like you had a lovely 90 minutes or so with a Maccies and a book and then a change you didn’t make has led to it being more chaotic, but it’ll become normal before long and you won’t resent it as much. And it sounds like it was a good thing while it lasted!

if DS is tired and grumpy after school, was he not a nightmare during/after after school club?

@PoppysAunt - this is getting a little bit tedious. Neighbours don’t magically pop up eager to care for unwell children. If we moved to a city or town amazing yes we could have a childminder but that advantage would be offset by a school that wouldn’t be as good and having to resettle DS.

I can honestly say that DH and I are rarely ill and certainly have never been so unwell that a neighbour has been needed and while I believe I am very laid back as a rule compared to most MNetters i wouldn’t just be handing my children over to people purely on merit of the fact they live close by. That’s not a criticism: you know the people who cared for your child.

Anyway I think when I’m having to justify not putting the house on the market, buying a new one, moving DS school and DD’s nursery because of the next however many Fridays until July the thread is peak MN.

He sounds like a normal 4 year old though, op. Mine are 4.5 and 2, and sometimes tip all the boxes out to make stepping stones etc. Is it a mess? Yes. But they're just playing. Make your life easier. Accept the mess, do an oven tea and give you and your DH a break.

@YouveGotAFastCar no, he’s fine with an activity. It’s when he’s trying to get DHs attention but can’t. And like many children is much nicer to other adults than his own parents!

It doesn’t sound workable and I’m surprised dh work ok with him having some care of a 4 yr old and working on a help desk.
What about a babysitter who comes to house?
A sensible teen to play with ds £20 well spent. DH still in house with them.

I agree it's getting tedious.
If you can't see the benefit of having neighbours that you get to know, any kind of local community or even students, retired people or teenagers looking for babysitting work then that's fine.
Your choice. Your life.
Good luck moving forward.

@PoppysAunt of course I can see the advantage. I just don’t see that it’s such an advantage that it’s worth the huge expense and hassle of moving house, school and work for it when we like where we live And most neighbours aren’t sitting home with their knitting eager to care for two stroppy whingey kids in the evening hours!

Having lived in a city where my neighbours included the local crack head, multiple people wearing electric tags, many…. Many people who would steal Amazon packages, an xl bully breeder, and a group students who left so much food in their garden we all got rats…. I’m having a bit of giggle over who I would hand my child over to?

you are right though- it’s her choice and her life.

If it’s only an hour can your husband not take his ‘lunch break’ at that time and then work an hour longer in to the evening? Then the kid won’t be left on his own and you’ll come in to less of a disaster

Definitely lower your expectations until work timings can be sorted. Pizza Fridays with a movie, then a quick wash before bed, rather than fighting a healthy dinner and bath?

We did live in a very nice village before we moved. But the neighbours were either working professionals (so at work, one might say) or retired and though it saddens me to say so with little interest in sitting with a stroppy child for an hour while his father booms in the background.

I have never been sitting at home with knitting when I have asked to help out in an emergency, or do a bit of last minute support and help for a friend or neighbour. I've never knitted in my life.
Anyway. If you're never ill, that's most fortunate.
I hope your Fridays improve.

Ah no OP. Grumble away, I get you.

Poppy - in all seriousness that is fine. But most people aren’t just sat around twiddling their thumbs. In my experience people will step in and help in a genuine emergency, as I would, but this is not an emergency and there are not many people who would be wanting this ‘job’ and if I wanted to throw money at the problem it would be more likely to be a cleaner. As anyone who’s tried to hire a nanny with a parent WFH will know the child just keeps trying to gravitate to the parent and this would be particularly true if it was a once a week arrangement, even assuming we could find someone willing to do it. Anyway - it is all getting a wee bit daft now.

Presumably people need to be able to access help desk during office hours not 8pm on a Friday when already logged off.

It is a wee bit daft. I agree 💯
It's great that you are so independent and have a great rural life, but you're posting here with a problem, for which solutions are provided, but obviously not workable.
So, as I said, good luck.