To hate Friday evenings

[toastbutterjamandtea]

We have two children, DS(4) and DD (2). DS used to go to an after school club twice a week with me picking up the other three days. On Fridays this club has now stopped due to lack of intake.

This isn’t as bad as it could have been because DH usually works from home Fridays but now it means he has to rush out to get DS then carries on working while DS watches TV. He gets bored, demands snacks (which DH gives to him which I do understand because he’s still working) and then starts messing around and messing the lounge and toy area up.

So I have to get DD from nursery and she’s always at her most clingy and demanding then walk through the door and have to cajole DS into having a healthy dinner and have an absolute tip. Then DS is always stroppy and difficult at bath time.

I have changed my work hours in light of this but I can’t do so until September. So right now I HATE Fridays!

I think you need to lower your standards a bit tbh.

He makes a mess while playing, so what? Most kids do. Just tidy up later when he's in bed.

Does he have to have a bath? If you make sure he is bathed Thursday evening surely you can skip Friday?

Quick easy tea, as long as he diet is generally healthy and balanced the rest of the week then having a freezer tea on a Friday isn't the end of the world.

Just try and make things easier for yourself by avoiding unnecessary stress. It'll make the evening easier for everyone.

Would he care if he had a lunchbox style meal twice in one day OP? I don't think my one would realise if it was sandwiches twice in one day

Ok, you need to find the thing that's annoying you most. If it's the state of the house then talk to DS about playing in his room or just watching the TV til you get home. Or talk to DH about him tidying the mess while you do tea. Have a cut off point where both things need to be done, say 7pm tea needs to have been eaten and the house needs to be returned to a tidy state.

It varies re DH. He can sometimes finish at half four, other times it’s closer to six. That’s one thing I find a bit stressful is the not knowing.

I think the thing with lower your standards is that yes OK but ultimately DS still has to be fed and the house still needs sorting and both kids are still stroppy and whingey. I do find a mess stress inducing. That’s my issue concedes but I still find it stressful.

The nursery doesn’t do school age children but in any event DS school wouldn’t be in catchment, her nursery is closer to my work than our home.

Can you skip bath time?

What time do you get in? Isn’t DH finished by then so you can divide and conquer? One does the cleaning and tidying whilst the other sticks tea on?

Can Fridays be fish and chip dinner/oven dinner/leftovers/beans on toast night to make it easier?

When times are overwhelming, you need to find ways to cut corners a little. When they’re little parenting is relentless so sometimes it’s about survival!

Random suggestion... are there any teens nearby who would like to earn a small amount as a "mothers help" type thing... basically picking him up from school and playing with him at home? Only would work if the Secondary/primary timings match up (but our Secondary finishes 45mins before the next door Primary)

Just try and he more organised. Like a PP said have a healthy picky tea available got him straight away and that's fixes most of your problems. You could always have a meal ready In the fridge so that DH could pop it In the microwave or just healthy snacks ready. Make it a fun afternoon for him - a movie etc

I think you’re making a fuss about nothing tbh. House is messy when you walk in- so what? Ignore until kids are in bed. Daughter is clingy after nursery- usual deal with as normal. Have to cook tea - just get in with it. I feel for your husband trying to work with a child around. Why not be more proactive prep a healthy snack box for when he’s home. Prep some activities the boy can do by himself. Give him a reward if you behave whilst daddy works we will get a takeaway. There you go solves a few issues that. Alternatively find alternative childcare for your son.

Skipping bath time wouldn’t really make any difference to be honest - I mean yes, I absolutely could but it’s really the following that’s stressful -

feeling like I have to rush to get DD because DS is effectively on his own

the house being an absolute tip when I walk through it and I know, I know - my issue but still.

DS being stroppy and difficult

DS’s dinner (and I know it can make something easy and often is but I still have to make it and he still has to eat it)

DD being whiny and demanding

DH droning on in the background!

I think the 3-6 ‘shift’ with little ones is tough anyway, it’s easier than it was but Fridays finish me off.

I know it sounds ridiculous but how about a babysitter? Just for a couple of hours to supervise DC while husband working. Only till September so not for ever.

If it's just Fridays and the situation is changing in September anyway I'd just try and take a big breath and basically think "F it, we've just gotta do whatever works until September" - I mean from mid July D's will be off school anyway so actually it'll change in some way from then now I think about it.

Agree with others, skip bath time and either do a picky tea or quickly heat up leftovers or bang a pizza in the oven. Have a Friday film evening or something. Make the most of the ones where DH does finish at 4.30 and accept muddling through when he has to work till gone 6.

Definitely let go of the mess stress too. It's Friday, they'll be getting stuff out all weekend anyway, just bung it in kallax boxes after tea. Get Ds to help then all have a chocolate biscuit 🤣

Pour yourself a glass of wine as soon as you get home - you'll care a lot less about all of this then.

A non-random teen to pick ds up from school and bring back and occupy him for a couple of hours would be ideal if you can find one.

I think you need to look at making this as easy as possible for yourself. Make Friday dinner something you know DS loves. Doesn’t matter if it’s not the healthiest or is a repeat of lunch. It can be a Friday treat.

Get DS involved in tidying up his mess - slinging toys in a basket shouldn’t take long.

And if you can I would get them out to the park after tea and then into bed, don’t worry about the bath.

And make sure there’s wine in the fridge for when they’re finally in bed!

That is pretty much what I am trying to do re grin and bear it. It’s difficult though as despite people saying DH has it worse I feel that I definitely have the worst deal!

Any chance you can shorten your hours on a Friday so you can bring both children home and look after them?

If DH was office based you’d have to find a different solution. I think it’s not working for anyone at the moment so you need to change things.

Someone suggested getting a babysitter. That’s a really good idea. They could collect DS, bring him home and play with him until you get in. Maybe a trip to the playground so he’s playing outside might help too.

Or, you could accept this is just how things are for the next couple of years.

I actually really feel for your DH as he’s working but also got to keep an ear out for DS. That’s not fair on him or his employers.

Is ds whining about Friday dinner because he is full from the snacking?

If so, then just skip the meal - offer a bowl of porridge 30mins before bedtime.

When dh logs off, does he do the toy tidying / bath time etc with you? Or does he go off and do something for himself?

Seems a bit OTT to me. It's just making dinner and giving the kids a bath.

You could make a healthy snack plate for him to have when he gets home.

What time do you get back with DD?

Everyone is tired on a Friday.

DH is being a bit shit if he refuses to commit to a finish time

It sounds like you’ve both not fully explored any changes that DH can make to help until Sept.

Have you actually asked him to check with work if he can do compressed hours etc?
If he could get a fixed hour’s break for when they get home, he could give your son a healthy homemade meal from the freezer whilst they chat about their day, and some time to play together or even get pjs on, with him before putting the tv or a film on so DH can finish his working day?

could you try making up a Friday evening toy box to leave out for your son with toys he’s not playing with in the week - put away those that make the most mess - explain it to your son in advance

Is the mess in the living room or in his bedroom? Can you leave out just the toys he loves most to minimise the mess if it’s in the living area? If it’s his own bedroom I would ignore and do a Saturday morning clean (depending on your schedules) so that you can do it as a family.

Could he have a hot dinner on Friday at school and then have a picky snack box to eat for dinner when he gets in?

Age 4 you can talk to ds about tidying up as he goes along. When he tips out a toy box when you are home clear it up together. Also perhaps make a special Friday box of things ds can do while daddy is working with things that might occupy him a little bit longer and help him be creative eg colouring, fuzzy felt, building blocks or empty plastic and card boxes, action man, toy cars (,can he build a race track)depend what he is into. Then anything he does positive give him lots of praise when you arrive home

No offense OP but it does sound like you are getting worked up over nothing.
Children play with toys, do you need your house to look like a show home 24/7?

Ditch the bath, pre cook some pasta or something the night before that can be quickly heated up, store away the toys but leave out a selection (ones without loads of pieces), remember that this is just a phase and it will get easier!