To hate Friday evenings

[toastbutterjamandtea]

We have two children, DS(4) and DD (2). DS used to go to an after school club twice a week with me picking up the other three days. On Fridays this club has now stopped due to lack of intake.

This isn’t as bad as it could have been because DH usually works from home Fridays but now it means he has to rush out to get DS then carries on working while DS watches TV. He gets bored, demands snacks (which DH gives to him which I do understand because he’s still working) and then starts messing around and messing the lounge and toy area up.

So I have to get DD from nursery and she’s always at her most clingy and demanding then walk through the door and have to cajole DS into having a healthy dinner and have an absolute tip. Then DS is always stroppy and difficult at bath time.

I have changed my work hours in light of this but I can’t do so until September. So right now I HATE Fridays!

I take back my enthusiasm post having now seen this. I find it does help to just stare the doom of my hell day in the face and accept it: because it’s the hope that kills ya. One day the DC will be old enough to appreciate the joys of an Indian takeaway, and Friday nights will be a thing of joy and beauty and jalfrezi. Until then, quietly flipping the Vs under the kitchen counter while making tea and despairing at the whingeing is a good way to blood-let the feelings without harm.

See if you can get a childminder to do pick-up if it’s upsetting you

I don’t think a 4 year old watching TV with snacks is that bad. I’d have a really easy tea that you can bung in the oven or pasta pesto.

Open a bottle of wine and order a takeaway for when they’re in bed.

Rather than snacks, I would make DS up a plate of cold stuff for his tea to eat at 4pm while his Dad is working and keeping half an eye on him. Cold chicken, chopped cherry tomatoes and cucumber, hummus and breadsticks or whatever. If it's pre prepped in the morning it's quicker than snacks and then he'll have a nutritious dinner at least, and that's sorted before you come home. You could do the same for your DD then feed her when you get in but at least one child is sorted then and not filling up on rubbish.

Have you actually asked any other parent about a playdate? You say no one else is in the same situation but you don't need to focus on it being all about childcare. See if any parent can take him Friday and you take their kid another night.
You seem to be ignoring this suggestion and the idea of finding a babysitter.

Yes, didn't see this before I posted. This is exactly what I mean.

So you get home at 4?

No it can be solved by your DH pulling his finger out and tidying up
All the " drop your standards " crap gets right on my nerves
I would go ballistic if I walked in to that

He is WORKING?! He's already trying to manage a 4 year old whilst working. How bloody ridiculous that you'd go m ballistic at your DH (or your child) for this.

Advertise for someone to come and be with your child to play with them and keep them company until your DH finishes work or you get home.

If it's just for a couple of hours in your home they don't need to be a registered childminder or nanny. Your DH is also going to be there but working.

Possibly a 6th form or college student or an older person looking for a little bit of ad hoc work?

They might need to be over 18 to collect him but potentially your DH can still do that bit.

I think you either need to get proactive on a solution that can work for you or relax a bit about the mess etc on a Friday.

Does dh clean up once he gets off work? What does he do on a Friday evening.
what times does he finish and what time do you arrive home ?
Once through the door I’d be doing very little untill dh got off work .
Ask him to give your ds a chopped apple and carrot to snack on .
Could you make Friday night fish and chips night and bring it home with you.
You are going to have to change a few things but also your mind set.
Make Saturday or Sunday the new Friday !

Can you set up a 'high value' activity for your son to do when he gets home so that he feels like he's having a treat when he gets home rather than being frustrated and ignored? Then it would direct his attention, keep him occupied, take the pressure off both of you, and hopefully reduce the mess all in one?

A lego challenge, treasure hunt, coded message to crack - whatever he likes and would be appealing to him.

Annoyingly, whenever I've found a stress point unbearable, it's always turned out that a bit more prep and organisation on the part of the adults has been the solution. 😜😂

Ok, you've posted for advice, so here goes.
Firstly, you won't have "down time" on a Friday because you've got 2 young children - but just see this as temporary. It gets better.
Secondly, your DH is working. He should not be supervising a 4 year old, that's not fair on him, and that's often why people are critical of those who wfh.
I've no idea why everyone is miserable. Can another parent pick up DS and look after him for an hour or two if you offer to pay?

Was this an after school club run by the school? I am surprised they didn't have enough numbers, our after school club is always busy!

I'm not surprised at all! Our school has never had after school club on a Friday-nobody wanted it!

OP, what is the carnage that DS is making? If it's lots of little toys upended and mixed in with each other (mine used to do this) then I'd stash away some of those to make tidying up easier-it can all go into one of you box then. I would have a word with DS as well-explain it would be so helpful for mummy and daddy if we can all help today (and not make a huge mess)-I'd try a sticker chart. How long is he playing alone for till you come in/DH finishes work?

And I think a 4 year old should be able to occupy themselves for an hour.

Same at my DCs school - they have stopped doing Fridays as it seems most parents either one doesn’t work Friday or wfh and they stopped running with only 4 or 5 taking up the spaces.

i have friends using college students to cover the 2 hours 3-5 on a Friday. They are responsible girls who live in the neighbourhood and as it’s a Friday they don’t have to complete their homework. They finish college, drive home, walk to collect the kids and walk them back to the parents house. Hang out, play and do homework. So far has worked great although they will be off to uni next year so already looking at replacements (one has a younger sibling who is interested in taking over though!)

we are lucky as we are a small village with a college near by and the girls luckily have free periods last period on a Friday although if they do have to stay at college for anything - parent picks up and they arrive as soon as they can to take over.

Just to say…it’s ok to find it hard and boring and unfair and stressful sometimes because it is. It’s ok to have days where you hate parenting. You’re doing a fab job and you clearly care very much about your family. You’re in a particularly rough patch and I feel like what you need is a bit of sympathy rather than judgy women telling you that it’s not that hard. It’s bloody hard work!!!

Mine are in their 20s now but I remember the sheer hell of these days. DH and I tag teamed for ages as the DC played us off against each other - so one would leave the house/go upstairs out of site and the other would deal with the DC. Reverse arrangement the following night. Any chores just had to wait.

Is it at all possible that you could pick up DD, collect DS then go out for tea? Maybe soft play then a pizza? Or swimming? Make Fridays a treat day to look forward to? Or is everyone just too tired and cranky?

Second the suggestion to limit the toys available to DS to limit the mess he can make.

Otherwise try to focus on it only being for a few more months!

Can you hire a teenager to babysit/entertain Friday afternoons?

Might be worth the outlay.

I'm sorry but you need childcare, or DH to finish earlier.

There's lots of things that might work - like others have said, high value activity set up, teenager to keep him company, fun dinner to look forward to but really I think you need to pretend your DH is working at the office (so totally unavailable) and what would you do then and implement that really

Can't your DH finish at 4:30 on Fridays and work later on the other days until July at least when the schools break up? I'd have thought the helplines will finish slightly earlier on Fridays anyway?

Until your work changes I would just let DS have a Friday movie afternoon. Kids are tired on a Friday. I would get DH to give him a snack and let him watch a movie until you are home or DH finishes work. Make it a little treat that he gets each week. That way he won’t make any mess. Only works if he will sit still and watch a movie of course but my 4yr old would.

The bottom line is surely that DH can’t look after the 4 yo because he is WORKING. His responsibility is to his employer.

So he and the OP need to find a solution as to who is going to look after this little boy. Various suggestions have been made, it would be good if the OP took a look at them.

I think you're perfectly entitled to have a moan, OP! It sounds stressful for all of you.

I think other posters' suggestions of making up a healthy - or at least healthier - snack picnic are a great idea. Then tea/supper for him is done and dusted.

Also think great to ask around re a college student or someone not working in your area to come in and play with DS/tidy up a bit. I suppose your trouble will be that it's a Friday and they may have the occasional trip/weekend away but at least your stressful Fridays will be reduced. Good luck with it all. It will get better!

Try koru kids. Typically, college or Uni students who will collect your DC from school and then play, supervise homework or prepare snacks for them in your home.
Won't be cheap, but is the price of not coming home to a tip and DC having gone wild for lack of supervision.

Friday nights were always the fun night for us as a family when the kids were little. No baths, movie night and a takeaway after a busy week. Does sound like you are making it difficult with your expectations.