To hate Friday evenings

[toastbutterjamandtea]

We have two children, DS(4) and DD (2). DS used to go to an after school club twice a week with me picking up the other three days. On Fridays this club has now stopped due to lack of intake.

This isn’t as bad as it could have been because DH usually works from home Fridays but now it means he has to rush out to get DS then carries on working while DS watches TV. He gets bored, demands snacks (which DH gives to him which I do understand because he’s still working) and then starts messing around and messing the lounge and toy area up.

So I have to get DD from nursery and she’s always at her most clingy and demanding then walk through the door and have to cajole DS into having a healthy dinner and have an absolute tip. Then DS is always stroppy and difficult at bath time.

I have changed my work hours in light of this but I can’t do so until September. So right now I HATE Fridays!

I think the issue is less that it’s a stressful evening and more that you used to get an hour to yourself and now that’s gone. With two kids of those ages I totally get why that’s been so upsetting.

Can you carve that out anywhere else? Can you put DS and DD into childcare on a different afternoon? Or make a deal with DH that he takes the kids out for two hours on a Saturday morning so you can tidy up the mess from Friday and then have a coffee in peace? (Or even better, you go out for an hour for a coffee while he tidies up with DS!)

When I was a single mum (after DH died so I was solo parenting 24/7!) my lovely neighbour used to do bedtime for me one night a week so I had two glorious hours entirely to myself. Honestly, for a long time I live solely for those two hours!

Reframe your thinking!

It’s not Hell Friday until September: it’s 15/16 school Fridays until the summer. (I just counted going by our half terms and holidays.) Make a countdown chart if it helps. We’ve all got hell days for various reasons (mine are Thursdays) but not all of them have an end point. DS is home and safe and free childcare, even if it’s not ideal. That’s the main thing.

Old: feeling like I have to rush to get DD because DS is effectively on his own
New: easy pickup of DD because you’re just picking up one not two. For DS, isn’t he lucky to have special film Friday: a film and a floor picnic to himself, no mummy or sister allowed. Maybe he can have lights off, curtains closed, Disney+ and popcorn – would he stay still and make less mess for that?

Old: the house being an absolute tip when I walk through it and I know, I know - my issue but still.
New: all the toys are out for DD straight away, no need to think up a game! Or the game IS “let’s all tidy up!”

Old: DS being stroppy and difficult
New: …OK, nothing to be done about this one during witching hour – but kids will pick up on your mood and you can get in a feedback loop of grumpiness. I know this whole post is a bit Pollyanna but my hell days do go better when I act like a manic pixie dream mummy than when I’m just done in with the lot of them.

Old: DS’s dinner (and I know it can make something easy and often is but I still have to make it and he still has to eat it)
New: lots of good advice above. Can he help make something, like pizza? Activity and food in one! Or as above, just let him have a floor picnic while watching a film. Friday is fish finger and chips day in our house, easy, quick, not terribly unhealthy as they mainline peas and fruit salad for pudding

DD being whiny and demanding
DH droning on in the background!
^ can’t help you here but if food is prepped (can’t DH put something in a slow cooker in his lunch break? Or if DS has had a floor picnic, now it’s DD’s turn) you can plonk DD in front of it. Where is DH working that his droning is audible?

only 15/16 Fridays to go!

What a lovely neighbour ❤️ . (And so sorry for your loss x)

It’s that and also that it is a definitely a stressful evening. I know some are convinced it’s my impossibly high standards and it isn’t, I promise. It just isn’t pleasant to walk into. Everyone’s in a horrible mood, the house is a mess and I can’t relax because I have two whiny children to contend with and they aren’t normally like that so that’s not me being awful about them!

The solution is so simple!

Small Tupperware box of snacks - some healthy and some shit.

DS plays with stuff. You walk in the door with DD and everyone chucks the toys in the box.

Kids get changed into pyjamas, bung a supermarket pizza in the oven. Have a wine/beer.

Everyone in front of the telly - no bathtime.

Friday nights should be fun - you're making a drama of this, OP.

I do get it, I’m the same with mess and would find it particularly tough on Friday nights which is when I want to relax and enjoy my home. What time does DH finish? Can he do bed and bath to give you a chance to clear up and reset?

Why is everyone in a horrible mood?

No bath on Friday night!!!

I don’t know why people are fixating on the bath. He doesn’t have a bath until 6 and that’s the best point of the evening. It’s the 2 hour carnage before then.

Exactly this. My DH works from home as call centre support and he cannot leave the desk unless it's a "break" - which are monitored, as are times between calls and response times between web chats etc. Even when it's quiet, he still needs to be at the desk. Because that is his job. He can't be spending time picking up toys or making dinner when he's working and being monitored. That kind of stuff is exactly why some employers are pushing for more people to be in the office more.

I'm also willing to bet if op came on saying she was WFH and the dad was stressed about having the kids or whatever she would not be getting replies saying "can't you do more to help him" - as she shouldn't, but it works both ways!

DS has been at school and then comes home and is ignored for at least an hour.

DD has been at nursery and misses me.

I am tired and want to relax but I can’t because I have to parent (I know, I know)

DH is wanting to work and can’t properly because of DS

Well duh!
I meant when he had finished working

It's not carnage, OP. You're tired and getting wound up about normal family life and mess.

And it's nothing that can't be sorted in a few minutes. Maybe move some of his toys out if he's got too many.

But for the love of god - chill!

organise dinner - so it's either picky, sandwich type or something that can be heated up quickly. Toys - organise them so only a few large toys (easy to chuck back in a box) are available for Fridays. Think about dropping bath and earlier bedtime for everyone.

Sounds like everyone is burnt out and the change in routine has been the last straw.

Violet - I’m here, you’re not. Trust me, it is carnage!

So you would go ballistic at him after he's finished working, for not tidying up while he was working?

Op it sounds like your DS needs after school care
He's 4
It's not fair on anyone and if your DH is working , it's not really safe
Is there a CM who could pick him up on Fridays then you collect both on the way home from work?

OP - I worked in a preschool, so I know toy carnage 😂

And I know how quickly it can be cleared up.

No Is your reading comprehension really poor ?

No. Yours. When are you going ballistic and why?

We had this problem in Covid that my 4 and 6 year old had to get on with playing on days when I was at work husband wfh but used to have 2 hour meetings where they had ti keep busy.
I used to
Buy snacks at start of week ready for those days and vary it so they were excited
Had an activity ready that they'd like and not too messy

Has your husband actually tried to put in a flexible working request to finish earlier on a Friday in writing? The employer would need to review and see if they can adapt working schedules for the team but do need to take the flexible working request into consideration

Maybe it would be a good idea to have a toy sort out, he can only play with so much at a time. Stick the ‘small stuff’ that makes the most mess out of reach on a Friday and make it a special weekend treat to bring out the ‘bits’ I know toys make a mess but to be honest with a few big tubs a whole floor can be spotless in five minutes.

Could you make them a “picnic tea” as I used to call it? Like a large packed lunch, especially if they’ve had a cooked lunch at nursery/school. Put it in the fridge then dh can just grab it out and they can live their best lives with a Friday living room picnic infront of the tv? Just once a week while needs must.

and have to cajole DS into having a healthy dinner

I'd make Friday dinner a fun "eat what they like" (with some boundaries!) and big it up as exciting and joyful until September

The children can help with clearing up because it needs sorting before fun starts