To hate Friday evenings

[toastbutterjamandtea]

We have two children, DS(4) and DD (2). DS used to go to an after school club twice a week with me picking up the other three days. On Fridays this club has now stopped due to lack of intake.

This isn’t as bad as it could have been because DH usually works from home Fridays but now it means he has to rush out to get DS then carries on working while DS watches TV. He gets bored, demands snacks (which DH gives to him which I do understand because he’s still working) and then starts messing around and messing the lounge and toy area up.

So I have to get DD from nursery and she’s always at her most clingy and demanding then walk through the door and have to cajole DS into having a healthy dinner and have an absolute tip. Then DS is always stroppy and difficult at bath time.

I have changed my work hours in light of this but I can’t do so until September. So right now I HATE Fridays!

I’d just go with the lunch box and healthy snacks idea. I don’t think it matters if he has sandwiches twice in one day and it’s only until September (and excludes school holidays). Or at least leave multiple healthy snacks out so your DH can just give them to him instead of unhealthy snacks.

Then you don’t need to think about making his tea, DH can give him his lunch box before you even get home. You can sort yours and DHs tea once the DC are in bed and again make something easy.

The mess is annoying but it sounds like your DHs work is quite busy so unfortunately there’s not much you can do about this. Can he keep the mess to one room?

He’s 4! Of course he’s going to be bored and make a mess when left to his own devices.

Have a snack box and activity set up for him.
He could have some craft stuff set up for valentines cards next week. Another week it could be a little Lego set. The next week make have a cosy area set up for a film for him.

It will only take a bit of prep the night before.

I have same age DC but I have 3 of them, and we had a similar issue with Fridays. I completely changed my mindset and Friday is now pizza night.

We put on the ‘clean up’ song and the kids don’t get pizza until the living room is tidy. We listen to music while we eat and try and make the atmosphere fun. No bathtime on Fridays. We sometimes watch a movie.

OP, gently, you’re going to have to drop your standards regarding mess and toys while your DC are little. I say this as someone who hates a messy house. I’ve had to work hard to not let it stress me out, and I’m so much happier. It’s a short season of life.

I think it’s one of those where I do genuinely do everything I can to make it easier but it’s always going to be hard.

I do think that some are underestimating what a mess I walk into (bearing in mind DH has been home as well!) and that I really can’t just leave it. It has to be cleared up at some poin!

I don’t think I’m getting worked up in acknowledging that it’s a hard time of the week and that it’s backfired on me. Grumbling fairly mildly about it anonymously is therapeutic.

But how can dh supervise / tidy the toys, whilst working on a helpdesk?

Skip bath time for sure, just for one night.

Don’t feel you have to rush, I’m sure DS is fine watching some TV and eating snacks if his dad is nearby.

Leave the toys all over the floor, he can play with them Saturday morning before breakfast, and help you put them all away after? Or I’d be reducing what was available on a Friday. Leave out something easy to tidy, put away things that are annoying to tidy.

Accept the stroppiness and difficultness, it’s Friday night. All kids are tired, stroppy and difficult on Friday night. He’s also probably acting out because he’s not seen you all day and you’re maybe preoccupied making dinner? With clingy DD? Maybe ensure you and he can have 10 mins to do something together that isn’t bath time? See if that makes a difference. Even if it is just a one-on-one cuddle when you get in ?.

Healthy dinner is easily solvable by your husband, he can bang something in the slow cooker on his lunch break. Dinner is pretty much served when you step in the house. Looks for one pot style recipes where you just ladle it out (e.g. a stew with potato and veg).

I’d make a Snack plate (you or DH) ahead of time and have it in the fridge ready for after school. I do this for my DD and she loves it and calls it a “picky plate”. I will add bits of cut-up fruit like melon/grapes, cubes of cheese, a little pack of Organix crackers, a few chocolate drops, and some cucumber. for exaimple. She thinks she’s won the snack lottery! LOL

My main tip? Get the kids to eat earlier than 6 if possible. We try to have dinner ready for 5.15 - 5.30 and then will serve a pudding of natural yogurt and strawberries at about 6 to 6.15. I find this combats the hangry whining and stroppyness before it starts, and they’re not hungry in the night or anything.

I would just pre-cook a proper meal and give it heated up instead of the snacks. We’ve always fed my DC a full meal straight away on a Friday - there’s something about the end of the week tiredness that just makes mine ravenous. My bet is he’d probably eat the tea if offered instead of the snacks.

Would some kind of hobby club be an option? Eg squirrels, gymnastics, martial arts etc etc whatever he’d be into. Something like squirrels would buy DH an extra hour to work at home and maybe you could pick up from there? Or something like gymnastics there’s often a waiting room - could he log in and work from there or from the car? If not, I’d go for the babysitter option to tide you over until September.

I’m not saying he can - it’s just a bit of a rubbish situation for everybody.

The thing is that Fridays were my chill day. It was the one day a week that I didn’t feel I had to rush as I could leave work a bit earlier and I had about an hour to myself and I wouldn’t do much - just get a coffee or mcdonalds and read my book then come home to a fairly tidy house and it set the weekend off nicely. Now it’s absolute carnage. I can acknowledge that without blaming anyone or anything - just a bit of a

Why were you leaving work earlier and what's changed?

Who is collecting your ds from school on Friday?

What's happening in September and what changes will that bring?

Leave the toys. They can be tidied away on Saturday. Honestly I’m amazed people can be arsed to tidy up every single day. I certainly don’t. What’s the point? It just gets messed up again.

Friday night tea is and has always been treat night in our house. Kids are much older now and it’s still treat night. If he’s eaten loads of snacks after school of course he’s not going to want to eat a healthy tea. Why are you trying to force a not hungry child to eat? He’s not hungry! Frozen pizza. Dh can whack it in the oven and he can eat that instead of snacks. Or he can have a hot school dinner at lunch and then a sandwich picnic tea on a Friday.

You get in from work. Order takeout or make sure you have an easy tea in the fridge (eg pizza) something that can just be heated up. No cooking required. Both kids are fed. Small one at nursery. School kid had his pizza earlier. Then all you have to do it put them to bed and put your feet up

the tidying can wait until they are in bed and be split between you and dh

packed “tea” ready for DS when he gets home, he doesn’t have to have another meal when you get in

set up some toys/stage the play area/stickers or colouring ready in the morning/night before for him to do when he gets in so he’s not left solely in front of the tv

drop the bath

I know it’s shite op, I’m a single mum to 3 and have had to drop my standards on lots of things as sometimes something has to give! Won’t be long until September.

So DH clears it up??

Make him a packed lunch for after school, so sandwiches, fruit etc. and forgo the family dinner on a Friday, kids to bed and make yourselves dinner once they are in beds

Anyway I must admit I wish I hadn’t posted … seems that I should enthusiastically accept this and it can be solved with a sandwich and no bath.

So don't bother. As people have said, make the Friday meal something really quick and easy, and don't stress if DS doesn't want to eat it.

It's not that - it's just that for most people, this is every evening. Kids, mess, meals, bathtimes. It's just part of everyday life for working parents tbh (or at least for everyone I know).

So what time do you finish work???

Timings please!!!

No it can be solved by your DH pulling his finger out and tidying up
All the " drop your standards " crap gets right on my nerves
I would go ballistic if I walked in to that

Place a big fleece blanket on the floor for DC to play on and when you get sick of the mess just throw the toys in the middle, gather it up and shove it in a corner or out of sight.

Easy dinner like baked potato with tuna and sweetcorn.

Bath DCs when you get home rather than later when everybody is tired and grumpy.

Can DS come with you to nursery pick up? Make an occasion of it- come to pick up and we’ll stop for a cookie on the way home? Gets him out of the house for a bit and then by the time they’re both back it can be tv while you cook. And make Fridays pizza night. Most things with kids can be improved by making everyday things seem like a treat!

This seems like something can easily be fixed. I make my kids tidy the toys when they're done, they're 4 and 5. And having a sandwich picky dinner once a week isn't going to do him any harm. You're over thinking

Just here to sympathise - I feel you! You'll sort it

Not if he is working.

I'd like to know what he does around the house after he logs off but OP didn't answer that.

I've thing I always told myself during any stage is that it's always temporary. The next thing will be along soon and your Friday chill nights will be back (mine are now spent in the pub relaxing but years ago I was like you)
Lower expectations for a little while and see how it goes. My worst night was Mondays so my girls shared an Asda ready meal those nights, it was ok to do that

Exactly. Most Friday evenings with kids this age are stressful because everyone is understandably exhausted by the end of the week.

You've been given lots of great advice but it sounds a little like you just wanted to moan which is fine but people were genuinely trying to be helpful.