To hate Friday evenings

[toastbutterjamandtea]

We have two children, DS(4) and DD (2). DS used to go to an after school club twice a week with me picking up the other three days. On Fridays this club has now stopped due to lack of intake.

This isn’t as bad as it could have been because DH usually works from home Fridays but now it means he has to rush out to get DS then carries on working while DS watches TV. He gets bored, demands snacks (which DH gives to him which I do understand because he’s still working) and then starts messing around and messing the lounge and toy area up.

So I have to get DD from nursery and she’s always at her most clingy and demanding then walk through the door and have to cajole DS into having a healthy dinner and have an absolute tip. Then DS is always stroppy and difficult at bath time.

I have changed my work hours in light of this but I can’t do so until September. So right now I HATE Fridays!

Leave the mess until DH has finished working. Then he can look after them while you tidy (or the opposite, but personally I find tidying in peace nicer than doing dinner/bath/bedtime).

you say he "usually" works from home on Fridays - what happens when he doesn't?

I think that’s only happened once and he just had to leave work early enough to get back for DS pick up.

Are you going to look at the suggestions posters have made for childcare options?

All the people suggesting OP sees if she can organise a play date for Fridays - would you want another child on a Friday after school???

quite!

Theres also the issue of transport, another parent would need to have a spare car seat and or room in the car even if they were willing!

I think it’s absolutely fine for a 4 year old to watch TV for a couple of hours after school once a week (mine done it every day 🙈)
Tidying up toys is annoying but surely a normal part of daily life.

There have been lots of other suggestions! I really think you should look at some babysitting options. College students, there is also a retired lady in my village who does post nursery for a family sometimes - she put up an ad in the local cafe, my cleaner has just started doing 7- 9 with a local child as parents have to be a on a specific train on one day a week and there is no breakfast club that day of the week. You can post an ad on childcare.com. A couple of years ago I needed a half day on a Monday as nursery couldn’t give me the slot yet and I totally expected to get no responses and I got loads. You seem a bit defeated right now, understandable as you are probably frazzled. But paying for some extra hands for a couple hours would probably be a god send.

Fridays is a hard day for childcare and always has been. I had more arrangements for a Friday than any other day! My kids would do drama, football, basically any club that meant the collection was later!

On the food side, I would take the advice here and do a simple pasta/pesto type dinner, frozen pizza or a defrosted meal cooked on another day. No-one needs a big fancy meal on a Friday.

I wouldn’t worry about the short term chaos given it will change.

@Daisymae23 - I think the thread has become a bit circular is the problem. I do try to make things as easy as I can but ultimately I still have to feed a child, deal with grumpiness from everyone (inc me 🤣) and clear up.

There is no way we’d reliably be able to get a babysitter. We live in the arse end of nowhere and the nearest neighbour is a five minute drive away and lives on a farm which is why the ‘oh just get a play date doesn’t work. I do make tea as simple as I can but DS has never eaten well - he isn’t picky but always takes a certain amount of cajoling and bribery and nagging to eat. So if you make him a sandwich he just nibbles the filling. And everyone saying it doesn’t matter - yes it blinking does because when hungry he’s horrible!

It really was just whinge about a part of the week I find very stressful and sets a poor tone for the weekend. Hopefully next year will be different. In the meantime there is chocolate and wine and summer is coming …

Could you arrange a "mother's help" type set up? Pay someone to collect from school and then be at home with your DC for a couple of hours? Your Friday childcare has fallen through and you haven't replaced it, that's the problem here.

I don't know why everyone is grumpy, though?

Simple. Friday night is frozen pizza night. Pop it into the oven then 'time' your DS to quickly tidy up the toy area whilst it's cooking.

Job done.

She says thet live in the middle of nowhere with no neighbours.

OP - why not try reframing your thinking.

You and DH are lucky enough to be in employment, have a roof over your heads and two healthy children.

Enough money that they have a surfeit of toys, snacks and you have clean, hot running water to bathe them in.

You will tuck them up and kiss them goodnight and they will sleep safely during the night - no need to worry about them being bombed or trafficked.

So what if a 4 year old has to occupy themselves for a bit one afternoon. So what if the living room is a mess?

It's not like you're living under a scrap of canvas in a refugee camp with no education for your kids and having to cook your meagre rations over a fire, is it?

The play date could work as they could go to someone's house (nearer the school) and you pick them up from their and take back to your house in the middle of nowhere.
Same with advertising for a mothers help. I can't believe there is no one at all that could be interested, especially if paying them.

I have also become a little confused in timings, how long is the child being supervised for with dad til you get home? It sounds like it's only an hour so really TV and snacks could be the plan

DS is grumpy because he’s been ignored for an hour and a half and is bored

DD is grumpy because she’s been at nursery and is tired and fretful as she misses me (we’re at a clingy stage)

DH is grumpy because he’s been trying to work while DS has been trying to get his attention

I am grumpy because the house is a tip, I’m carrying a grumpy toddler around, DS is stroppy and difficult and DH is shut away from it all!

Well, you've been given some good suggestions here. I think at the very least you and DH need to work out how to care for your son while the DH works. A negative family mood every Friday sounds awful.

He’s shut away from it all because he’s working! It’s not possible to work and look after a 4 year old so the mindset that he can needs to change. What would you do if he was working in an office on Fridays?

I’d have had to resign form my job. I’m well aware he’s working- it doesn’t mean it’s easy to deal with!

Quite. They'd have to sort something out if he was a teacher or a similar demanding, inflexible job. Just because he's wfh doesn't make it ok.

But you’re clearly still annoyed that he’s not “present”. But he can’t be - he’s working, that’s that.

So look at it this way - because he’s working from home you don’t have to resign. Yes, he can’t look after your 4 year old, but you still have your job and your DS is safe.

@PoppysAunt - if DH had to be in the office and we had no after school care then I would have had to hand in my notice. No other option, apart from changing DS’s school which would be the other possibility. I don’t know which; DH and I would have talked about it and worked something out. As it is, we’re muddling through until summer.

I am not surprised op, its very common for asc to not open on a friday. Employers often make part timers have fridays off, and its common for companies to have shorter friday hours/early finishes on Friday, especially in summer.

Can you ask around and see if you could pay a local teen could come for a couple of hours, to just get him an easy tea (fish fingers & chips in the air fryer etc) and occupy him for a couple of hours?

Good luck with however you decide to approach it and it’s perfectly fine to have a whinge! Hopefully you have some mum friends you can have a wine and whinge with?

And based on this thread I think some people would be horrified as to how I approach the post nursery, before bed time hours but it works for me so I’m keeping myself to myself! 🫣