I just don't want to have sex tonight

[avm]

EuGH my Husband is going to come and make it clear he wants sex tonight and I'm dreading it already.

I just don't want to. He'll spend ages trying to convince me to and possibly get annoyed if I don't do it.

We've been having sex once a week and I think it should be fine to say no without all the hassle ?

I'm so sick of the hassle that saying no causes.

Also he's a grumpy bastard anyway. Sometimes I do it, to see if he'll be less grumpy, but he's still grumpy.

You should not have sex if you do not want to. Say no, not tonight, Joe! He should not try to coerce you - if he does then you are in an abusive relationship and should be looking to leave it.

Tell him expectation is the least sexy thing there is and maybe if he was less predictable you'd be more in to him

If this is you, then you need to be thinking of leaving the relationship. Love does not coerce.

It's insensitive, true, but a valid question. Why does OP not want to, not just tonight, but often? Working out why this is the situation can resolve it - most likely, in this case, with ending the marriage.

His answer was that I better put out and he should be the one to enjoy more time with me and not other men, otherwise- what's the point of trying to better myself.

@avm your husband sounds gross. No wonder you don’t want to have sex with him.

It also sounds like sex with him would be terrible - completely one-sided and selfish.

It's made them testerical. And somehow they think it's women's problem.

Sorry OP, your husband sounds like a wanker, he should act in that and not be coercing you.

You don’t have to have experienced it to be quite clear it exists. Look how many men are happy to coerce women into sex / pressure their wives into sex they don’t want.

SweetBabyChessus
“You do realise that there are hormones (or the lack thereof) at play here, don't you?
I love my dh to death, and he's the same. Sometimes the idea of sex makes me repulsed - HE doesn't repulse me. I'm 54, and honestly so over it.”

I completely understand that and will not pretend to be an expert on hormones at all. Regarding the “so over it”

How does he feel about that? Have you spoken to him, to see if he’s over it too? Or have you decided that because you’re over it, he must follow suit?

It’s like unplugging the tv because you don’t want to watch a show and expecting them to just be happy with it.

It’ll breed resentment, at least talk and explain your feelings on it. DH maybe happy not to watch tv anymore, but if he still wants to, then you’ll have to think about different options.

At the end of the day, if you like it or not, sex is an important part of a relationship. If it stops being fun, you should really try and work out why.

I am absolutely aware of all of that, and I tell him everything about how I feel. We compromise. But if he sulked when I said no, then it really would be him that repulsed me.

This attitude a lot of men seem to have - that they own 'their' woman's body... What the actual fuck.

SweetBabyChessus

"I am absolutely aware of all of that, and I tell him everything about how I feel. We compromise. But if he sulked when I said no, then it really would be him that repulsed me.

This attitude a lot of men seem to have - that they own 'their' woman's body... What the actual fuck."

Sulking is not an attractive trait and it'll turn me off too 😂
I'm not stupid enough to believe that I own my wife, I love that she's her own person.

Oh I know it exists, but @Mittens67 said

Men will enjoy sex in any capacity.

and

All they need is a fleshy hole.

As if it’s some kind of definitive. Her generalisation doesn’t apply to the majority.

Why are you in a relationship with him?

It seems neither of you even like each other.

I couldn’t be with someone who was grumpy, made my skin crawl and thought of me as nothing but a hole to stick his dick in.

Do you disagree with what I have said? My advice is sound "get to the bottom of the issue".

The consequences are also very likely.

I disagree with the “don’t be surprised if he cheats” narrative.

A wife should be surprised that the man she’s married to cheats. Nothing excuses that. It shouldn’t be expected, or accepted.

Why is cheating likely? Cheating is a moral decision not an inevitability.

@Restin no no one is owed anything in a relationship but it should be one that is based on. Mutual respect understanding and love which is missing here

Watching a box set of friends doesn't involve an interruption to someone's personal space or body. It's not even remotely a fair comparison. Listen to yourself

That TV analogy is terrible. For obvious reasons.

Are you comparing watching a box set to sexual intercourse? Is that what you are doing?

Bravo 👏 👏 👏

As Paloma says "foreplay is what you talk about and how you act for the whole day, it's not just spit on your fingers and rub" 😂

A wife is owed her husband's celibacy, yes. Being an unwilling sex slave is not part of being married. Being faithful is. If he doesnt want to be faithful but absolutely must have sex its time to exit the marriage unless she gives permission to cheat.

Pretty clear from this comment that you think a woman are just another commodity that men are entitled to. A woman putting her bodily autonomy on the line and having sex she doesn't want to avoid emotional abuse is nothing like squabbling over the tv.