Page 3 | I just don't want to have sex tonight

arethereanyleftatall · 07/02/2025 23:54

If logistics and finances allow it, and this isn't a temporary but rather a permanent feeling - then come join us singles, I thoroughly recommend.

Ger1atricMillennial · 07/02/2025 23:56

You are not attracted to him, and would choose not to have sex with him.

I hope there are reasons that you are remaining married to him.

ACynicalDad · 07/02/2025 23:58

You don’t need a reason. No is plenty. YANBU.

SlightlyJaded · 07/02/2025 23:59

Tell him you fancy ramming an aerosol can up his arse, and if doesn't fancy it tonight, sulk.

Seriously, these entitled sex pests do actually need to be shows the unreasonableness of their behaviour in a way that there stupid little brains will grasp.

PinkArt · 08/02/2025 00:05

Yellowcakestand · 07/02/2025 23:50

This.

I was in a relationship where it was easier to just let him than say no and not be allowed to sleep as he would shout and swear, slam doors, turn on all of the lights, take my duvet away, wake the baby.

It wasn't until I did the freedom programme that I had the light bulb moment of this is coercive and actually assault and is not normal or right behaviour xx

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I'm so sorry this happened to you. It sounds like you're in a much better situation now and I hope that is the case.

HolyPeaches · 08/02/2025 00:10

Valid8me · 07/02/2025 21:45

Why dont you want to have sex with your husband?

I mean, if you don't want to then that is your choice but why does he get grumpy if you say no?

You’re a man aren’t you?

Nanny0gg · 08/02/2025 00:12

TerrysNeapolitan · 07/02/2025 23:41

Just be glad you both still have the opportunity. Life can take.a cruel turn and this will never be an option again for me and my partner. You don't know what you had until it has gone.

I am very sorry for whatever has happened to you

But this kind of emotional blackmail isn't fair and isn't relevant

Naunet · 08/02/2025 00:29

TerrysNeapolitan · 07/02/2025 23:41

Just be glad you both still have the opportunity. Life can take.a cruel turn and this will never be an option again for me and my partner. You don't know what you had until it has gone.

This is a really fucked up take, it is not helpful to project your situation onto OP. Women should never be grateful for being pressured into sex FFS.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/02/2025 00:38

I have absolutely no idea what was wrong with @Valid8me's question.

It was a question asked due to the fact that there wasn't enough info really in the op to help us advise.

Which the op could then answer - 'because I can't stand him' or 'because I just don't feel it like it tonight but ordinarily he's the best ever' or whatever, and then advice could be a bit more tailored!

JayJayEl · 08/02/2025 00:44

Crushed23 · 07/02/2025 21:58

Stop having sex you don't want to have.

I had duty sex to 'keep the peace' for over a year in my last relationship and it was soul destroying. I didn't fancy him at all. It was like I was raping myself with his d*ck every week.

Better to let the marriage crumble than do that to yourself.

Jesus fecking Christ on a bike..."It was like I was r*ing myself with his dck..."
That has got to be one of the most offensive, insensitive sentences I've ever read on here! Rubbish that you felt you needed to have "duty sex" but comparing it to one of the most serious crimes someone can be a victim of is absolutely appalling.

Also - out of curiosity - why did you censor "d" but not "r"?

Hedgingmybetching · 08/02/2025 00:53

OP as gently as possible, when it comes to sex, if it's not enthusiastic consent, it's not consent. Xx

JayJayEl · 08/02/2025 00:53

@Notgivenuphope
Apologies for derailing the thread in my last reply.
I'm sorry you're feeling this way, and that you're worried about the fallout of saying, "No". Especially when you say you already have sex once a week. It absolutely IS fine to say no without any hassle afterwards. Maybe you both need to sit and chat about your sexual preferences at a neutral time, when sex isn't actually on the cards right then. Hopefully your husband will be more open to hearing and listening to your feelings/thoughts/opinions then?

Hedgingmybetching · 08/02/2025 00:58

JayJayEl · 08/02/2025 00:44

Jesus fecking Christ on a bike..."It was like I was r*ing myself with his dck..."
That has got to be one of the most offensive, insensitive sentences I've ever read on here! Rubbish that you felt you needed to have "duty sex" but comparing it to one of the most serious crimes someone can be a victim of is absolutely appalling.

Also - out of curiosity - why did you censor "d" but not "r"?

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The person you are replying to was coerced into sex she didn't want to have, that is rape. She can use whatever language she wants to describe her abuse. Please do not police the language of SA survivors, we support SA survivors on this forum. Xx

RogueFemale · 08/02/2025 01:06

Fair enough if you don't want sex. Just say no and he has to respect that.

But I don't think it's reasonable to make the starting point "EuGH my husband wants sex".

Because it's normal for adults, male or female, to want sex, and when you're married it usually happens from time to time.

In my experience, I'm often (not every night) keen to have sex with my partner. Sometimes I don't want it but I've never got to the point of being "so sick of the hassle of saying no".

So I think the problem is partly his approach but it's also a bit of how you react - you don't sound like you fancy him or want sex at all. Which is fine, but you need to address that in the relationship if that's how you feel.

JayJayEl · 08/02/2025 01:09

Hedgingmybetching · 08/02/2025 00:58

The person you are replying to was coerced into sex she didn't want to have, that is rape. She can use whatever language she wants to describe her abuse. Please do not police the language of SA survivors, we support SA survivors on this forum. Xx

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You're right, and I apologise for my reply. The last thing I would want to do is police a SA survivor. I am one myself, but I'm still on the road to recovery at the moment. I think that can cloud my judgement sometimes. I struggle with certain language myself but I shouldn't have projected that on to someone else.
So thank you for your opinion. It's really made me reconsider my response. @avm , I apologise for my misguided, silly response.

AsLivingArrows · 08/02/2025 01:11

Hedgingmybetching · 08/02/2025 00:58

The person you are replying to was coerced into sex she didn't want to have, that is rape. She can use whatever language she wants to describe her abuse. Please do not police the language of SA survivors, we support SA survivors on this forum. Xx

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I agree.

notanotherdad · 08/02/2025 01:13

Oh men are the worst, wanting to be intimate with his wife. What a bad guy, I'm with all the other women who deny their husbands any intimacy. How dare they wish for any of that. When sex is only for kids and pre marriage!!

But I'll ask you this, If you don't want to have sex with your husband, would you consider letting him having sex with other people? That way it takes that task away from you and he might even be less grumpy.

If not, why don't you just let him free and he can find someone that wants to sleep with him? Why waste years of your life and his, because if you feel this way about sex with your husband, there must be other things you are not happy with. So save everyone's time and just end the relationship.

If you don't want to do that because you like your lifestyle and other areas are met, let him sleep with someone who wants to. But that won't happen, because you may lose the control in the relationship and possibly deep down you enjoy saying no, to what some may consider a key part of a relationship.

Pleas tell me how I'm wrong and men need to do more housework or try harder. Yet deep down you know that you are not being honest. He could do all the housework and met all your other needs, but you just don't feel like sex anymore. It could be self confidence, you may not fancy him anymore or you have more fun on your own. But be honest, stop wasting your life and his being in a sexless or near sexless relationship.

Jumpingthruhoops · 08/02/2025 01:15

avm · 07/02/2025 21:39

EuGH my Husband is going to come and make it clear he wants sex tonight and I'm dreading it already.

I just don't want to. He'll spend ages trying to convince me to and possibly get annoyed if I don't do it.

We've been having sex once a week and I think it should be fine to say no without all the hassle ?

I'm so sick of the hassle that saying no causes.

Also he's a grumpy bastard anyway. Sometimes I do it, to see if he'll be less grumpy, but he's still grumpy.

Sorry, but what have I just read!?
You just say: 'I don't want sex tonight'. End of conversation.
If he's 'grumpy', well, too bad!🤷‍♀️

RogueFemale · 08/02/2025 01:32

notanotherdad · 08/02/2025 01:13

Oh men are the worst, wanting to be intimate with his wife. What a bad guy, I'm with all the other women who deny their husbands any intimacy. How dare they wish for any of that. When sex is only for kids and pre marriage!!

But I'll ask you this, If you don't want to have sex with your husband, would you consider letting him having sex with other people? That way it takes that task away from you and he might even be less grumpy.

If not, why don't you just let him free and he can find someone that wants to sleep with him? Why waste years of your life and his, because if you feel this way about sex with your husband, there must be other things you are not happy with. So save everyone's time and just end the relationship.

If you don't want to do that because you like your lifestyle and other areas are met, let him sleep with someone who wants to. But that won't happen, because you may lose the control in the relationship and possibly deep down you enjoy saying no, to what some may consider a key part of a relationship.

Pleas tell me how I'm wrong and men need to do more housework or try harder. Yet deep down you know that you are not being honest. He could do all the housework and met all your other needs, but you just don't feel like sex anymore. It could be self confidence, you may not fancy him anymore or you have more fun on your own. But be honest, stop wasting your life and his being in a sexless or near sexless relationship.

@notanotherdad A lot of men deeply fear and avoid intimacy. Sexual intercourse isn't intimacy. It can just be a cold hard fuck.

Most women want and yearn for intimacy. Real emotional intimacy and closeness. But if they don't get it from their partner, it may end up turning them off sexually.

Everything you say suggests that you don't understand this basic truth.

thicklysettled · 08/02/2025 02:04

Valid8me · 07/02/2025 22:25

Ita a valid question as far as I am concerned.
Nobody should be having sex that they don't want to obviously, we all have the right to say no but most people would actually want to have sex with their husband/wife/partner and if not, then it's reasonable to wonder why.

Maybe the OP has a valid reason but she hasn't mentioned one.

And no, I am not lacking in empathy nor am I stupid so go and be astounded somewhere else.

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I agree with you, @Valid8me. There's a world of difference - a chasm - between marital rape and the reasonable notion that someone might expect their spouse to want to have sex with them.

I guess I'm the OP's husband in my scenario. My husband has no interest in sex with me and it is absolutely soul-destroying. I feel completely rejected and unlovable. It may well be that OP's husband is an absolute prick all together, but his grumpiness resulting from his spouse withholding sex is neither unexpected or unattractive.

thicklysettled · 08/02/2025 02:05

notanotherdad · 08/02/2025 01:13

Oh men are the worst, wanting to be intimate with his wife. What a bad guy, I'm with all the other women who deny their husbands any intimacy. How dare they wish for any of that. When sex is only for kids and pre marriage!!

But I'll ask you this, If you don't want to have sex with your husband, would you consider letting him having sex with other people? That way it takes that task away from you and he might even be less grumpy.

If not, why don't you just let him free and he can find someone that wants to sleep with him? Why waste years of your life and his, because if you feel this way about sex with your husband, there must be other things you are not happy with. So save everyone's time and just end the relationship.

If you don't want to do that because you like your lifestyle and other areas are met, let him sleep with someone who wants to. But that won't happen, because you may lose the control in the relationship and possibly deep down you enjoy saying no, to what some may consider a key part of a relationship.

Pleas tell me how I'm wrong and men need to do more housework or try harder. Yet deep down you know that you are not being honest. He could do all the housework and met all your other needs, but you just don't feel like sex anymore. It could be self confidence, you may not fancy him anymore or you have more fun on your own. But be honest, stop wasting your life and his being in a sexless or near sexless relationship.

My goodness, I agree either with EVERY SINGLE WORD of this.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 08/02/2025 02:11

Don't have sex if you don't want to, OP.

It's truly amazing how dumb men are when it comes to sex. I can understand it from a young man, but men never, ever learn. By which I mean, most women in long-term relationships don't fancy sex if he has disgusting habits, if there's no emotional intimacy, if he doesn't pull his weight around the house, if he's angry and grumpy, if he's got a drink problem or a fidelity problem. Emotional intimacy is something they place no importance on. And they elect not to understand how much many women love to be touched all over. They go for the main buttons like we're all machines.

Many, many men live their whole lives behaving badly in the ways above and choosing not to understand that women want emotional intimacy, friendship, partnership, and all-over touching.

Men complain about not getting enough sex, well you know what? Many men don't deserve sex. We risk pregnancy, and letting someone into your body is a different thing from what they experience. All too often, they act like we're appliances with "Insert appendage below" written between our hips.

Well, fuck them all.

Devilsmommy · 08/02/2025 03:32

Twirlywurly2 · 07/02/2025 23:16

Sometimes I can't be arsed having sex. I'm tired and want to sleep.

Doesn't mean to say I don't fancy my husband. I don't understand this expectation that you should always want sex. Sometimes I'd rather sleep. Is that so bad?

I've got a toddler. Sleep over sex every time 🤣

3luckystars · 08/02/2025 05:22

I’m sorry you are going through this.
It is worth thinking about if it’s a long term thing or just temporary.

I think if you are continually doing something you don’t want to do, your body pays the price of it and it will take its toll on you.

You either say it, or your body will say it for you.

Shoxfordian · 08/02/2025 05:48

He shouldn't be spending ages convincing you or grumpy when you say no, it's coercive behaviour designed to make you comply with him.