Secondary pupil not allowed to wait in reception

[Gonnaenodothat]

Hi everyone,
Apologies in advance for the long post.
Dd12 is in secondary school and Dh does pick up. School finishes at 3.15pm but Dh usually gets to her about 3.45pm because he picks up our other 2 dds from primary school and both schools finish at the same time. Our eldest waits in reception for him she used to wait outside but because its cold now goes inside to wait, She isn't quite sensible enough to walk home due to lots of busy roads which have had incidents involving pedestrians recently, the traffic is mayhem around the school so its not safe for her to leave the school site.
My issue is that just lately the receptionist had been making comments to our dd such as wouldn't you rather go to the library and wait and quizzing her about why dad is late what school do her sisters go to etc to the point where dd went outside in the freezing cold because she felt uncomfortable.
Today Dh collected her and was asked by the receptionist why he was late and is there anyway he can collect her on time, she knows why he's late and that it unfortunately cannot be avoided. She says the reception area can get crowded with upto 6 pupils and that why she's asking, the reception area is always empty when he arrives and if six pupils were in there it is a large space and I wouldnt really say it was crowded. None of the other receptionists have an issue so im genuinely unsure why it's a problem am I missing something are we in the wrong to ask dd to wait inside to be collected?

YABU reception isn't really "open" once school finishes is it.
She should wait in the library and get some homework done, or even better walk home or walk part of the way where your DH could meet her.

I know right?! School is finished. If there’s an option to do homework in the library or read a book there, then that’s where she should be! Imagine if everyone did this! No wonder the receptionist is pissed, it’s for visitors not students!

It may be an issue of confidentiality. Reception is usually busy all day; after students leave discussions happen, phone calls are made, other staff will drop in to discuss the day’s events/issues. None of these things can happen if students are sitting there. If she has been asked to move, she should. Also, if her phone is broken, what is she actually doing there - there’s no desk to do homework? Is she just observing…?

Does she have special needs? Because of not, at 12 she really should be able to walk home and navigate traffic.

This she must go to whatever designated place is staffed adequately to supervise children who are staying after the end of the school day. In OPs case this is the library.

Reception is NOT the place for students to be hanging about after school.

Do they not go to town or the park etc by themselves? Seems odd at 12 to not be walking by themselves. Can they have a cheap phone to receive a text and wait in the library? We walked to primary from about seven or eight which included avoiding traffic and crossing roads...

Mine had dyspraxia, we practised road safety from an early age as it was even more imperative. He was walking to school and crossing roads safely by the start of yr6.

Why can't you pick her up if DH is collecting the others?

I wonder if there is some additional information, because this doesn't make sense.

If you are "working on road safety" at 12 then I'm guessing your dd has some additional needs. That's all the more reason for her to wait in an suitable environment such as the school library.

Put the younger ones in After School club and her father collects her on time?

No she can't wait in reception. The receptionist has tried to tell you nicely.

Can she at least walk safely (it's actually much safer when the whole school is emptying out and pupils are all walking in crowds) towards the primary school, cutting down the unnecessary effort for both DH and the receptionist. Does she have any friend that walk home that would be on the route or easy for DH to pick up from?

This was a daft plan when she started secondary school and you need to make a better plan now - ask other parents what they are doing, it might reassure you a bit.

I have a SEN 11 year old and she walks 1.5 miles home and we live in a city.
I pick her up if she'd be walking home alone though as it's such a long walk for a kid.

I have to pay £100 per month for 15 mins in after school club.Yabu.Cough up if your dc aren't able to walk home alone.

As long as there is a clock in the library then she doesn't need a phone. If her dad is picking her up at 3.45 every day then she just walks to reception at 3.40. Or better still, goes out to meet her dad where he parks.

PS . If she can't walk safely, have you applied for DLA.

15 min Per day

Might be helpful for your DH to talk to the receptionist next time your DD gets quizzed and ask if there is a policy reason she shouldn’t be there (there may be!).

But from your description, to me this sounds more like one receptionist who just doesn’t like having the pupils around. DD should just continue to wait there unless she has somewhere better to go unless she is specifically told otherwise (at which point, a request for accommodation might be reasonable, especially if she has any SEN).

If they are allowed to remain on site in the library, spending 30mins there would be more productive/comfortable than the current set up.

also the traffic is mayhem because too many parents drive their kids to school.

She shouldn't be in reception daily if there's a fire etc no one would be responsible for her.
My friends son was not able to safely walk home (combination of ASN and busy city roads) so she had to give him money and tell him to wait in a coffee shop nearby on the days she worked

Working on road safety? I was walking to school by myself or with siblings at half your child’s age. Can’t you fix her phone, or have her go the car park at a certain time?

She needs to go to the library (and have the phone sorted out)

Are there additional needs involved? It's otherwise rather concerning that a 12 year old can't safely manage to walk home from the way the context is phrased (i.e. not mentioning very rural roads lacking in paths where you wouldn't expect someone to walk safely)

I pick DS1 (and therefore DS2 up) because DS1 is prone to autistic overwhelm and has limited capacity to cope with the bus regularly. The school traffic is bedlam, so I pick them up 10 mins walk away from the school in a calmer area with parking where I'm not contributing to traffic chaos; the benefit to them is that they're using some independence skills every day, and it's less of a shock on bus days.

Of course she can’t remain on school premises for 30 minutes after school finish time.
Your actual problem is a secondary aged child who isn’t “sensible” enough to make her own way home!

I think that the receptionist needs to be clear. Either there is a system where she can wait there or not. It is strange that some receptionists don’t have an issue while she does.

I think the best place would be for her to wait in the library.

Maybe have a discussion with one of the receptionist that does not have an issue about this and find out what the actual policy is.

I hate situations which are unclear and people make passive aggressive digs. I would rather know what the rules are. this current setup just sounds stressful for everyone.