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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Secondary pupil not allowed to wait in reception

188 replies

Gonnaenodothat · 06/02/2025 16:32

Hi everyone,
Apologies in advance for the long post.
Dd12 is in secondary school and Dh does pick up. School finishes at 3.15pm but Dh usually gets to her about 3.45pm because he picks up our other 2 dds from primary school and both schools finish at the same time. Our eldest waits in reception for him she used to wait outside but because its cold now goes inside to wait, She isn't quite sensible enough to walk home due to lots of busy roads which have had incidents involving pedestrians recently, the traffic is mayhem around the school so its not safe for her to leave the school site.
My issue is that just lately the receptionist had been making comments to our dd such as wouldn't you rather go to the library and wait and quizzing her about why dad is late what school do her sisters go to etc to the point where dd went outside in the freezing cold because she felt uncomfortable.
Today Dh collected her and was asked by the receptionist why he was late and is there anyway he can collect her on time, she knows why he's late and that it unfortunately cannot be avoided. She says the reception area can get crowded with upto 6 pupils and that why she's asking, the reception area is always empty when he arrives and if six pupils were in there it is a large space and I wouldnt really say it was crowded. None of the other receptionists have an issue so im genuinely unsure why it's a problem am I missing something are we in the wrong to ask dd to wait inside to be collected?

OP posts:
JandamiHash · 06/02/2025 16:53

A school is a place of business not a waiting room.

You have a few options:

  1. tell her to wait in the library. Thai is a MUCH better alternative she can do homework
  2. Find a way to overcome your (OTT) anxiety about her leaving school grounds. Unless her school is in the middle of the spaghetti junction or a war zone it’s perfect safe for her to leave
  3. Get her a place on a school bus.
mummysmagicmedicine · 06/02/2025 16:55

Why isn’t she going to the library? Can she walk home with a friend?

Original poster
Gonnaenodothat · 06/02/2025 16:55

We are working on road safety, obviously she won't always be relying on someone picking her up, no direct buses unfortunately or buses to anywhere close to where she needs to be. She did used to in the library that's the only other place she can go but since she broke her phone it was just easier to collect from reception we don't expect anyone to look after her it was just somewhere warm to wait.
Thanks for the responses

OP posts:
Lilacpurplewoman · 06/02/2025 16:55

The more I think about this AIBU the more I feel like it’s so entitled and cheeky to just assume the receptionists will let your daughter stand in there for 30 mins waiting for her dad to pick her up. Surely a phone convo should have been made about this in advance?

She is your DD and your responsibility not the receptionist, she either learns road safety or waits in library

BathSpider · 06/02/2025 16:56

Our secondary keeps the IT rooms and library open until 5pm (they finish at 3:10) so students can use the facilities to study.

They also offer tonnes of after school activities, from art to sports.

I would imagine most secondary school offer this now? Surely the library etc would be a better use if her time, get her homework done so it’s sorted before she gets home?

Dibbsy · 06/02/2025 16:56

Surely she can still go to the library and then after 30 minutes wait outside? At least that's 30 minutes not outside?

Playmobil4Eva · 06/02/2025 16:56

The receptionist probably wants to be getting on with her work and not baby sitting!

chelseahealyslips · 06/02/2025 16:57

Gonnaenodothat · 06/02/2025 16:55

We are working on road safety, obviously she won't always be relying on someone picking her up, no direct buses unfortunately or buses to anywhere close to where she needs to be. She did used to in the library that's the only other place she can go but since she broke her phone it was just easier to collect from reception we don't expect anyone to look after her it was just somewhere warm to wait.
Thanks for the responses

Working on road safety?
You've lost me. Haven't you been working on road safety since she could walk?

Lilacpurplewoman · 06/02/2025 16:58

Gonnaenodothat · 06/02/2025 16:55

We are working on road safety, obviously she won't always be relying on someone picking her up, no direct buses unfortunately or buses to anywhere close to where she needs to be. She did used to in the library that's the only other place she can go but since she broke her phone it was just easier to collect from reception we don't expect anyone to look after her it was just somewhere warm to wait.
Thanks for the responses

There are children younger than DD walking to and from school safety she is nearly a teenager (assuming she will be this year) is there a reason she is struggling to cross the road safely or deep down is it because you’re too worried to let her

Wonderi · 06/02/2025 16:58

If he’s going to be 30mins then tell her to wait in the library for 25mins and then walk over to reception.

I agree that she can’t really wait in reception for 30mins at one of the busiest times of the day.

Everydayimhuffling · 06/02/2025 16:59

How have you got yourselves into a situation where your DH is routinely late and expecting the reception staff to act as babysitters? That's not their job. Would you dump your DD in a dentist or doctor reception by herself and expect her to be looked after? This is no different.

She needs to learn to get home by herself, wait in a place that is appropriately staffed like the library or after school club, or you need to sort out a different arrangement.

FoxtonFoxton · 06/02/2025 16:59

Dibbsy · 06/02/2025 16:56

Surely she can still go to the library and then after 30 minutes wait outside? At least that's 30 minutes not outside?

Yes exactly. Assuming her dad picks her up at approximately the same time every day surely she can just work in the library and then walk over and wait for 5 mins or so outside the front of the school?

Everydayimhuffling · 06/02/2025 17:01

If she's in the building then the school is legally responsible for her.

pizzaHeart · 06/02/2025 17:01

Wonderi · 06/02/2025 16:58

If he’s going to be 30mins then tell her to wait in the library for 25mins and then walk over to reception.

I agree that she can’t really wait in reception for 30mins at one of the busiest times of the day.

This^

KarminaBurana · 06/02/2025 17:02

Why is it "not safe to leave the school site"? Hundreds of other children are doing exactly that. There will be people to walk with, and people to catch a bus with.
What would she do in an emergency?

CagneyNYPD1 · 06/02/2025 17:03

Gonnaenodothat · 06/02/2025 16:55

We are working on road safety, obviously she won't always be relying on someone picking her up, no direct buses unfortunately or buses to anywhere close to where she needs to be. She did used to in the library that's the only other place she can go but since she broke her phone it was just easier to collect from reception we don't expect anyone to look after her it was just somewhere warm to wait.
Thanks for the responses

Easy one. Fix the phone, go to library.

Hankunamatata · 06/02/2025 17:04

Mine arnt allows to stay in school u less they are at an activity, in library or it room. Kids have to be supervised and your putting that on the reception staff by getting her to wait on the reception

FrannyScraps · 06/02/2025 17:04

Also sounds like your DH is going in to reception to collect her? She doesn't even walk to the car? This is super odd!

She's at least year 7 if not year 8. She should definitely be able to cross a road. Literally hundreds of others at rhe school are. Doesn't that tell you something?

KingTutting · 06/02/2025 17:06

I used to cover reception and students weren’t allowed to wait there unless they were specifically vulnerable and needed to check who was getting them etc.
Library is open literally for this reason, it means they are still in school and supervised.

Bournetilly · 06/02/2025 17:06

YABU. She needs to go to the library or make her own way home. Most secondary school children are able to make their own way home. If her phones broke then she needs a new one (even if it’s a cheap one).

Mademetoxic · 06/02/2025 17:06

Gonnaenodothat · 06/02/2025 16:55

We are working on road safety, obviously she won't always be relying on someone picking her up, no direct buses unfortunately or buses to anywhere close to where she needs to be. She did used to in the library that's the only other place she can go but since she broke her phone it was just easier to collect from reception we don't expect anyone to look after her it was just somewhere warm to wait.
Thanks for the responses

Why can the other kids walk home, and yours cannot? Why isn't it 'safe' outside school grounds?

Grumpyoldthing · 06/02/2025 17:08

No , you can’t just leave your kid in reception until it’s convenient to pick them up 🤣🤣🤣🤣

DemonicCaveMaggot · 06/02/2025 17:08

If the OP's DD has dyspraxia or similar she may have trouble judging speed and distance which can make crossing roads problematic. If there aren't pedestrian crossings on the way home it could be a safety issue for her.

DriftAlong · 06/02/2025 17:10

Most school libraries stay open until 4pm for exactly this reason. Receptionists are taking and making calls and do not want a Yr7 listening in.
She can use the library clock and then leave and walk to the school gate to wait ready for a quicker pick up too.

cadburyegg · 06/02/2025 17:10

I made my own way home at age 11 despite being one of the youngest in the year and having to cross roads in the middle of a city.

I think you're being ridiculous.