To be fuming about this work meeting?

[olegsyka]

Just had the most infuriating meeting at work and need to vent before I explode.

Backstory: I work in a fairly small team, been there a few years, generally get on with everyone. But we have this one colleague (let’s call him Steve, because of course he’s a Steve) who is one of those people. Talks over everyone, loves the sound of his own voice, manages to say a lot without actually saying anything. You know the type.

Anyway, today we had a big meeting with senior management. Everyone had prepped, I had quite a bit to contribute because I’ve been working on a particular project for months. Meeting starts, and Steve IMMEDIATELY hijacks it. Every time I tried to speak, he either talked over me or “helpfully” rephrased what I’d just said (but worse). At one point, I literally had my mouth open to respond to a question from the boss, and he just steamrolled in and answered for me – and he was WRONG.

I caught my manager’s eye a couple of times and she looked sympathetic but didn’t step in. I didn’t want to be that person who kicks up a fuss in front of the big boss, so I bit my tongue. But I am RAGING. I’ve worked my backside off on this, and he’s just swooped in, talked over me, and taken credit for things I’VE DONE.

AIBU to be furious? And how do I deal with this without looking like a stroppy cow? I don’t want to go full-on confrontation, but I also can’t let this keep happening.

TL;DR: Colleague keeps hijacking meetings, talking over me, and taking credit for my work. How do I shut it down?

Why didn't you speak up?

Steve - may I respond?
Steve - this is my project I would like to have the opportunity to share...
Excuse me - you've interrupted me.

You can be direct without being rude.

You say "sorry Steve, did the middle of my sentence cut off the start of yours?" Or that kind of attitude. Men don't give a shit about doing this so please don't feel you need to give any shits countering it with the same enthusiasm!

"Thanks Steve, but it's probably best if I respond, as I am closer to this project?"

Then if he does it again, just "Thanks Steve" and continue talking to answer the question.

You need to consistently get back in the conversation.

First poster nailed it

You need to be a Steve

Cos he's fine with steveing

I caught my manager’s eye a couple of times and she looked sympathetic but didn’t step in

^

A man wouldn't do this, BTW

Stop worrying about what anyone else thinks, he is being rude and you are entitled to put him in his place. I regularly say 'I am still speaking' to people, or that question was for me as that is my work we are talking about. Unchallenged Steve will just carry on and no one will deal with it.

I feel for you.

Maybe you could speak to your manager and discuss Steve being an issue?

who’s his manager?

I personally would go into the manager or better still send an email to him/her outlining what you wanted to say, and make a point of mentioning why you doing this,

at the next meeting sit in total silence, I’ve done this, not said a word, the manager kept looking at me then in the end asked me why I was contributing. I replied I was waiting for a break in the conversation as I didn’t want to be rude. Another trick my father taught me, he was a very successful businessman and did a lot of presentations etc, his advice was always speak slowly and quietly that makes people have to stop and listen , if someone interrupts you don’t stop keep talking

Agree with others. You need to speak up. What did you do when he gave incorrect information? Did you correct him or just let it slide?

Ask your manager for a 1-2-1 meeting.

Explain that you felt Steve took credit for your hard work and ideas and you weren't able to contribute as positively or in as much depth to the meeting as you would have liked.

Ask her how she is going to prevent this from happening in future and how she is going to ensure that you, rather than Steve, get credit for your own work.

Follow this meeting up with notes and action points.

If your manager won't tackle this within the meeting, you force her to tackle it outside of the meeting and do this every time it happens, so in future it's simpler and easier for your manager to just cut Steve off when he talks over you.

As someone else said, you need to outsteve Steve. Speak louder, talk over him, tell him you'll finish what you are saying. Just keep talking if he starts to speak over you. Make it awkward for him to carry on.

This.

Big difference between being politely direct and rude.

You need to learn how to deal with people like Steve. You have a mouth-use it. Stop waiting for someone else to come to your rescue.

Yet another one where the first post nails it ...

Your manager chose to do nothing to assist you, so you have to advocate for yourself.

I would also bet the boss knows full well what Steve is like and who has done the work. I am senior at work and the juniors seem amazed when I pick up on things like this but actually it's generally pretty obvious.

OP I'm sorry, I believe this happens to every woman. Yes, stop caring what bosses might think and start preparing a few responses for when it happens again. Similar to the ones that have been suggested. You can then be mechanical/monotone about it, can keep the range in but will still be glad to have said something.

I took me over a year to teach one man to stop interrupting me every single week. I usually said 'I am still talking Steve' (if I was feeling particularly annoyed) or 'I haven't finished yet'. Over and over again.

It will not benefit you in ANY way to not say anything even in front of senior management. You'll either be seen as a mug if you don't, or the difficult woman if you do. I go for difficult woman now, because a mug will always stay a mug and not receive the same pay etc.

After a while I thought I could hear the voice if my Steve trembling when I had to remind him once again and he just said 'Sorry Twat'.

This! You need to advocate for yourself. I was in a very senior meeting to present something, a person on the same level as my manager hijacked the entire meeting despite the chair trying to stop her. When we got to my section she started talking about it from the pov of her team, which was entirely different to my teams perspective.

I politely interrupted to tell her I had a slide on this topic and went on to present it. I was damned if I was sitting through an hour meeting to not get my point across, when I had specifically been asked to input.

My manager later thanked me, although I was annoyed that she had not stood up for our department.

The only way to out-Steve a Steve is to go full Steve on him.

You must become all that you hate. You must become Steve.

Ridiculous that no senior manager stepped in here, but also you need to stand up for yourself.

Several times every workday I think to myself "what would a man do"?
As such, I:
Take unnecessary please, thankyou's and sorrys' out of emails.
Cut off people who are interrupting me.
Apply for the promotions.
Enthusiastically talk about my successes and strengths in development reviews and interviews
Delegate tasks (appropriately) as much as possible without guilt or second-guessing

These things are not automatic to me. I am a work in progress but I have noticed that my work life has a lot less cheeky fuckers since I started this train of thought several years ago.

Thanks Steve - will take feedback at the end, maybe you could take some notes ?

Next meeting buy one of those massive gobstoppers you used to be able to buy when we were kids and offer it to him before the meeting, if he says no thanks then offer him some gaffer tape to put over his mouth.
If he still doesn't get it then you are flogging a dead horse. (we have 2 x Steve's here and I haven't ever tried either of the 2 above, but you got me thinking)

"Thanks Steve but I was still speaking..."

No need to "kick off" or be confrontational, it's perfectly polite to ask someone to wait until you have finished speaking.

This this this!! I remember being in my first senior management meeting many years ago and I had the same situation you've described with one particular guy, I'd never experienced it before, I was fairly young and it caught me off guard. The following month I went back for the next one and he tried it again, but I was prepared this time and used these type of responses politely but firmly and sure enough it was the last time it ever happened!