To be fuming about this work meeting?

[olegsyka]

Just had the most infuriating meeting at work and need to vent before I explode.

Backstory: I work in a fairly small team, been there a few years, generally get on with everyone. But we have this one colleague (let’s call him Steve, because of course he’s a Steve) who is one of those people. Talks over everyone, loves the sound of his own voice, manages to say a lot without actually saying anything. You know the type.

Anyway, today we had a big meeting with senior management. Everyone had prepped, I had quite a bit to contribute because I’ve been working on a particular project for months. Meeting starts, and Steve IMMEDIATELY hijacks it. Every time I tried to speak, he either talked over me or “helpfully” rephrased what I’d just said (but worse). At one point, I literally had my mouth open to respond to a question from the boss, and he just steamrolled in and answered for me – and he was WRONG.

I caught my manager’s eye a couple of times and she looked sympathetic but didn’t step in. I didn’t want to be that person who kicks up a fuss in front of the big boss, so I bit my tongue. But I am RAGING. I’ve worked my backside off on this, and he’s just swooped in, talked over me, and taken credit for things I’VE DONE.

AIBU to be furious? And how do I deal with this without looking like a stroppy cow? I don’t want to go full-on confrontation, but I also can’t let this keep happening.

TL;DR: Colleague keeps hijacking meetings, talking over me, and taking credit for my work. How do I shut it down?

Particular bugbear of mine. This would be my line.....

"I'm going to have to stop you there, Steve, maybe save your comments and I can answer them at the end." Leave a two beat gap.. "As I was saying....."

If he interrupts after that just give him a withering look and carry on. Nobber.

The more you do it, the easier it will become. And you need to feel like you deserve a seat at the table (which you do) and try to snuff out that inner voice that tells you it's your job not to ruffle feathers, to keep everyone happy and feeling good about themselves. That's not your job.

Steve obviously didn't give a shit about coming across as aggressive, rude and ignorant. And the hideous thing is, he will be rewarded for it. Senior management don't give a shit who does a job, they just care that it gets done. So if you don't shout about your achievements, they will make no effort to find out about them. Also try to develop relationships with senior staff who will sing your praises when you're not in the room and push you forward for promotion and pay rises.

As to practicalities, take a breath and say your piece. Don't wait for Steve to stop talking, just loudly interrupt. e.g. "I have to injerject here, Steve. Actually, the result was...blah blah blah." If you're too shy to do this at first, write down in advance what your possible answers to an interruption or incorrect comment could be and run through the scenario in your head. Pretend you're a barrister and you have to anticipate the other side's potential argument and have various counter-arguments prepared.

e.g. you know Steve always tries to grab the credit, so you might want to say something like, "Actually, as the lead on this project, I developed x, y, z..." or "It would be great to work with you in the future Steve, but I lead this project and I've got to give credit to (name whoever else was on your team, so Steve looks like a dick trying to steal credit from everyone) Jan and Bob who were a massive help on implementation"

e.g. you know Steve knows jackshit about the project and will come out with complete nonsense at some point, just so he gets to say something loud in front of Big Boss. Interrupt him and say, "Actually, as those on the project will know, the issues discovered were..." or use the 'I've got to interject here' example above. You just need to push your way back into the conversation and keep going. Don't give Steve air time.

"I bit my tongue" - you need to stop doing that, @olegsyka - speak up firmly and shut Steve down. As others have said, channel your own inner Steve.

This.

''Steve, Please don't interrupt while I am speaking''

Don't let him steamroller you next time.

I go the patronising route - with a smile:

"Oh Steve, I don't think you've quite understood the question. The answer to that question is..." while smiling condescending at Steve

Puts him in his place and looks to senior management as though you're a supportive team player (who actually knows what's going on as opposed to steve)

I love this.
Someone under me is going for a promotion and she said she gets nervous at interviews. I told her to pretend she’s a mediocre white man. She had no clue what I was on about, so we talked about some of the men in the office and surrounding offices, the ones who are all voice, get the promotions but are nothing special they just know how to be seen and heard. I said you need some of their confidence, because they just assume the are the balls, and she needs to assume that as well!

Can people please stop with the Steve's.

Swap Steve for Karen & see how that makes you feel?

You will get a lot more respect at work once you can stand up for yourself. It isn’t being argumentative or difficult to tell Steve to stop interrupting or speaking over you - it’s being assertive which is different. The senior managers will be more impressed with you saying ‘Steve, please let me finish speaking’ than you hoping someone else will step in to rescue you

Very well put, @Smokesandeats

As for "how" to do it, @olegsyka, firstly remember you have an advantage in that next time you'll be prepared for this, secondly maybe practice with a friend ... read your presentation after asking them to interrupt you and use some of the great suggestions above ... and lastly remember that the more you do this the easier it becomes

I view this as bad advice. It's passive aggressive and, as you say, condescending. It's best to speak up but remain professional.

I once presented MY strategy at a board meeting (the only woman in the room) and had it explained back to me by a kind elderly gentleman.

Practising with a friend really helps. Record it too so you can listen back and hear the poise and authority in your voice. Once you've done it for real once, you'll wonder why you didn't start earlier.

The most challenging asserting-myself-with-an-interrupting-male-colleague was when I was giving a presentation to a group of about 20 colleagues (City financial services firm, 1990s) and the most senior person there, European director level, English, piped up with 'I think the reason (my name) is doing so much for this part of the business is because she and (name of MD of subsidiary) are DOING IT!!' He was very pleased with himself. In the stunned silence that followed, I remember thinking how important it was for me to not allow the remark to derail me and to react assertively so I very slowly walked towards him, looking him straight in the eye, then said, very calmly and politely, looking down at him in his chair: 'May I please carry on with my presentation now, X?'. Public sexual harassment. What a d*ckhead.

If he says something that's wrong, firmly say, "No that's not correct, Steve." And provide the correct information looking straight at him; and be prepared to hold your hand up and say, "Please let me speak" if he tries to interrupt you again while you are correcting him.

I fucking hate men like this. Bastards.

Can people please stop with the Steve's.

Swap Steve for Karen & see how that makes you feel

^

😂

Good one

The only thing I'd add to the excellent advice from PP is to remain completely calm and your tone neutral when you're picking him up on his interruptions. Visualise him as a small child who is trying to get attention (because this is essentially what is going on). This will mean you sound reasonable and in control and emphasise the gap between your professional demeanour and his 'look at me' stance. Be calm, be polite, be firm. Fake the confidence if you need to but it sounds like you have every reason to BE confident so keep practising BEING it. Women are trained not to take up space permit yourself the freedom to take up the space you deserve.

"You ladies shouldn't be worrying your pretty little heads with figures."

The only thing I'd add to the excellent advice from PP is to remain completely calm and your tone neutral when you're picking him up on his interruptions. Visualise him as a small child who is trying to get attention (because this is essentially what is going on). This will mean you sound reasonable and in control and emphasise the gap between your professional demeanour and his 'look at me' stance. Be calm, be polite, be firm. Fake the confidence if you need to. It sounds like you have every reason to BE confident so keep practising BEING it. Women are trained not to take up space but you can give yourself the permission to take up the space you deserve.

Apologies for the double posting but I couldn't edit out the strikethrough and it annoyed me to leave it there!

As I posted on a thread earlier this week, I had a colleague who did this.

I had just read an article about Margaret Thatcher that said that when she was interrupted in Parliament she would just go back to the start of her sentence and start again in a slightly louder voice. I decided if it was good enough for Parliament it was good enough for our work meeting. When he started talking over me I just did what Mrs. Thatcher did - I restarted my sentence in a slightly louder tone. After four or five goes I was pretty much roaring, my boss was visibly trying not to laugh, the meeting attendees were in shock, and the colleague looked very frustrated. He never talked over me again. I did not give a flying fig if I was rude, I was not being talked over like that, and I am normally a soft doormat too. I am sure you have much more gumption than I did or do, so maybe you could try that technique as well.

It isn't being difficult or argumentative though to give the rest of the meeting the actual correct information, or for you to politely request to finish what you were saying. Would you think someone else was problematic if they used any of the calm, diplomatic lines people have suggested here? Of course not.
If you watched the most recent Traitors, Alexander gives a masterclass in how to manage the Steves of this world. He always appeared very calm and reasonable, while responding to others who were not. Lots of open body language, no raised voices, lots of clear communication about whatever the specific point was.

Another tip for being in meetings with a Steve is to watch where he sits and sit directly opposite him. You will then be able to make eye contact with him when you politely shut him down. Sit up straight, Look him in the eye, smile and say - thanks Steve, as I was saying etc … much easier to shut them down when you can use body language too.

As a manager I had a team member who did this and I used this technique to ensure the rest of my team could speak, your manager might find this helpful .. Thanks Steve, we’d like to hear olegsyka‘s thoughts on this now.

Mine was a Stevette 😀

A loud and confident:

'Steve I am currently speaking and I will let you know when I am finished' Whilst making direct eye contact.

EVERY SINGLE TIME

Nah, not going to help Steve figure out when I'm finished, that's his learning opportunity.

You need to out Steve Steve
Come on woman!!!

There we are then.