To be fuming about this work meeting?

[olegsyka]

Just had the most infuriating meeting at work and need to vent before I explode.

Backstory: I work in a fairly small team, been there a few years, generally get on with everyone. But we have this one colleague (let’s call him Steve, because of course he’s a Steve) who is one of those people. Talks over everyone, loves the sound of his own voice, manages to say a lot without actually saying anything. You know the type.

Anyway, today we had a big meeting with senior management. Everyone had prepped, I had quite a bit to contribute because I’ve been working on a particular project for months. Meeting starts, and Steve IMMEDIATELY hijacks it. Every time I tried to speak, he either talked over me or “helpfully” rephrased what I’d just said (but worse). At one point, I literally had my mouth open to respond to a question from the boss, and he just steamrolled in and answered for me – and he was WRONG.

I caught my manager’s eye a couple of times and she looked sympathetic but didn’t step in. I didn’t want to be that person who kicks up a fuss in front of the big boss, so I bit my tongue. But I am RAGING. I’ve worked my backside off on this, and he’s just swooped in, talked over me, and taken credit for things I’VE DONE.

AIBU to be furious? And how do I deal with this without looking like a stroppy cow? I don’t want to go full-on confrontation, but I also can’t let this keep happening.

TL;DR: Colleague keeps hijacking meetings, talking over me, and taking credit for my work. How do I shut it down?

I would ask for a joint meeting with Steve and your manager. I would tell him directly that this behaviour is unacceptable, and that if he does it again, you will cut him off and consider putting in a complaint for harassment.

Your boss was also at fault. They had the authority to shut Steve down and didn’t.

There have been some good suggestions on this thread. Another practical point is get names put against topics on the agenda or get your boss to introduce a topic and say olegsyka with take you through the progress update on Project xyz and then Steve will discuss the work on topic abc. That way if Steve buts in you can say as agreed I’ll give this update Steve.

My strategy with this is to respond something like “Yes! Exactly, you’ve got it.” In a friendly rather than patronising way. Basically assume they are just checking they’ve understood (which they may be, though sometimes the tone indicates they think they are telling you something new.).

He was explaining it to me - including explaining why it was important for the business I adhered to it 😂

So many of them just can’t seem to help themselves. Like they can’t quite believe a woman could get it right and it must be luck so they need to explain!

He probably thought I was there to make the tea 😂

I'm not sure if anyone has already said this - but I saw a definition of mansplaining, that fits nicely here - Correctile Dysfunction!

Love it ... I shall pinch that

Laxative in Steve’s coffee a few hours before should do the trick.
seriously, you have some good advice here. Just say, “I’m going to answer this one, thanks Steve. I’m closer to the project.”

Everything he interjects continue as if he did not and at the point where he butted in. He will rapidly get exposed with this tactic.

You need to be more Steve by the sound of it.

Assert yourself because no other fucker is going to do it for you.

I would have said 'I am speaking' in a slightly raised voice, and carried on.
I've had many years' experience at having to do this in meetings mainly dominated by men. Eventually even the Steve's of this world get the message, especially when they look like prats in front of their own managers.🙄

Not all men behave like this but sadly some think it's their prerogative.

😂😂

Yes, you should have. Other posters have offered great suggestions. Others have also pointed out (correctly) a man is unlikely to get talked over like that. Advocating for yourself is not being bitchy.

further, I think you need a chat with your boss. She should have stepped in if the meeting was getting highjacked. I mean, that’s part of managing isn’t it? You could use words like "disappointed".

See if you can mute him....and watch him unmute. Then mute him again

now that would be a good trick in a live meeting!

Next time speak up…..and over him if necessary! Speak to your boss and say that’s what you intend to do. He’s behaving like this because you’re allowing him to - don’t!

“Just let me finish my point Steve”.
”No, that’s not what I meant Steve”
“My point was…”
”Steve, let me finish my sentence”
”As I was saying…”

”FFS Steve, just shut up for a minute will you?”

Steve - you're an inadequate
Steve - you've got tiny penis syndrome
Steve - you do love the sound of your own voice, don't you.

i bloody hate Steve and I've never even met him

Is Steve the male equivalent of Karen?

First answer is spot on.
Anyone who needs support with these basics is destined to remain on the bottom of any structured organisation. The doer of stuff.

I’m not saying it’s right, but I am saying it’s true.

Nailed it.

id also add
“Steve, if you can let me finish…”
”Steve, if I can just finish my train of thought…”

I volunteer and Steve sounds like me. I know I’m over bearing. I need to do better

OP, you ask how to look like you’re not creating a scene. If you use the language provided “Steve, if I can just finish my sentence please” you look professional but have politely pointed out that he has spoken over you.

I am in senior management and if someone is loud and someone is quite I can only hear the loud person. You need to speak up

You needed to speak up in the meeting. "I'm sorry Steve, but I was speaking just now and would appreciate if you would hold back, until I've finished."

"Steve, excuse me, but can I just point out that what you are saying is wrong (explain why is wrong). I've been working on this project for some time and I'm keen to share my findings with you which are all backed up by authentic research."