To be fuming about this work meeting?

[olegsyka]

Just had the most infuriating meeting at work and need to vent before I explode.

Backstory: I work in a fairly small team, been there a few years, generally get on with everyone. But we have this one colleague (let’s call him Steve, because of course he’s a Steve) who is one of those people. Talks over everyone, loves the sound of his own voice, manages to say a lot without actually saying anything. You know the type.

Anyway, today we had a big meeting with senior management. Everyone had prepped, I had quite a bit to contribute because I’ve been working on a particular project for months. Meeting starts, and Steve IMMEDIATELY hijacks it. Every time I tried to speak, he either talked over me or “helpfully” rephrased what I’d just said (but worse). At one point, I literally had my mouth open to respond to a question from the boss, and he just steamrolled in and answered for me – and he was WRONG.

I caught my manager’s eye a couple of times and she looked sympathetic but didn’t step in. I didn’t want to be that person who kicks up a fuss in front of the big boss, so I bit my tongue. But I am RAGING. I’ve worked my backside off on this, and he’s just swooped in, talked over me, and taken credit for things I’VE DONE.

AIBU to be furious? And how do I deal with this without looking like a stroppy cow? I don’t want to go full-on confrontation, but I also can’t let this keep happening.

TL;DR: Colleague keeps hijacking meetings, talking over me, and taking credit for my work. How do I shut it down?

Sounds like my work (Public Sector, specialist area), a few ridiculously dominant female colleagues take over every conversation and discussion. The men are actually OK because they are terrified of the women 😂. Constant interruptions and people jumping in to finish my sentence trying to guess what I'm going to say etc, its bloody annoying.

I go absolutely silent, stare at them and let them spout a whole load of shite. The staring and staying quiet seems to force the other person to start waffling and they generally make a tit of themselves. I finally relax my face and body position and restart with 'going back to what i was saying earlier....' Actually never ceases to amaze me that after 25 years experience and training in a niche role people that don't even work in my field think they know better than me.

It takes a while, bit like toilet training a toddler but eventually folk start to keep their face shut.

When interrupted, I have learnt to say 'I don't think I have finished' a bit forcefully, which makes the Steve a bit embarrassed and pause a few minutes before launching his next attack.

Do you have any other allies in the group?
This is a constant issue at my work and we tag team- if one person is interrupted by a Steve, cut across him when he is loosing steam and say 'malti you were making a good pint about xyz, can you finish explaining for us all?'
'malti I don't think you were finished- please elaborate' etc.

Head tilt and smile like a proud parent when Steve is steve-ing. Then patronise him: "Oh, well done Steve, you've pretty much got it." before retaking control "There's just a couple of details you haven't quite got right, if I could just summarise correctly for everyone then I'd be happy to take questions from the wider group on any of the work to help clarify..."

I feel bad now for anyone called Steve 😂😂😂😂

First poster said it all. Go for it. I can't stand Steve's 😂

Too late to change the meeting but I would email the big boss and cc your line manager to correct the inaccurate information that Steve gave them.

Head up, shoulders back, take a deep breath and open your mouth my dear.
You're confident in your work, you're confident in your capabilities. Use that confidence and tell him, Steve this is my time

@olegsyka

I would write an email to your senior boss, copying in your immediate manager (she of sympathetic face but doing nothing), with a report attached, stating something along the lines of:

I'm writing further to the team meeting last week as I have been a key leader on this project (but another colleague's enthusiasm to participate OR time constraints) meant it wasn't possible for me to set out to you everything that has been achieved. I thought it would be helpful for you to have a written report setting this out and answering the questions you raised to give some more detail and information (as some details given by a colleague weren't fully accurate or complete).

Whether you go down the colleague explanation or the "time constraints" explanation depends on whether you want to highlight your irritation with Steve or not – unless he is a very inexperienced boss I'm sure he could see what was happening to some extent, but you definitely don't want Steve getting all the credit for your hard work

Have not RTFT.
OP: FGS speak up
Also tell your manager to speak up.

"Steve I am speaking, don't interrupt" every timr

I like the idea of emailing the presentation to everyone at the meeting " Thanks for your time on Thursday. Due to constraints Steve wouldn't shut his stupid mouth I wasn't able to cover all of the key points at Thursday's session, so I attach the deck. Happy to answer any questions you may have."

I would speak to your boss. She should have had your back and stopped Steve's unnecessary yapping. You could frame it as "I found it difficult to keep the presentation on track as Steve kept diverting and adding unnecessary points. How do you recommend I handle this in future?" . If she is a decent boss, she will likely apologise.

Does Steve actually need to be in these meetings? Sounds like he is at same level as you so what was his role in the room? You could also question the size of meetings as having unnecessary people there like Steve creates cost for the company as they could be doing something else.

Why on earth didn't you use some of the perfect responses in the first few posts. Stand up for yourself!

The last one is fine but the other two aren't great.

As a woman in the workplace you should never ask a man's permission to speak.

And the second sounds like a toddler trying to snatch their toy back.

But aside from that this is a manager problem. Your manager or the person chairing the meeting should be a lot more proactive in these situations. So I'd approach them and ask for feedback.