Feeling protective of my DC

[OrangeChips1]

I have friends who don't have kids by choice as they don't like them. We been friends since we were in reception.
I didn't realise how vehemently they dislike kids till DC turned 3/4 and actually wanted to interact. If we go out it's me and DC here and everyone else over there.
Fine...I stopped bringing DC to stuff (and wouldn't have done in the first place if they'd been clear they want adults only).
But even if they come over they act like he's a nuisance.

This got me quite cross, they're in his house. And I don't understand why a grown up can't speak to an addition to the group - adult or child - nicely and include them...just for 20 mins or so, I wouldn't expect the dynamic to shift the whole time. To me it's really unwelcoming, like if they brought a new partner along and I refused to speak to them and tutted and eyerolled whenever they spoke.

I'm shocked they can be so mean to someone just because they're younger...They just seem totally unaware that a child is a human with emotions too. AIBU to phase them out?

Children are annoying, end of.

There’s nothing worse than trying to catch up with someone and they’re not listening or engaged because they’re trying to control their child or the child keeps interrupting.

All parents think their own children are the best thing since sliced bread, others do not.

Other people's children are annoying. Just arrange adult only meet ups or they come over once he's in bed.

I get this. But a bit of politeness goes a long way? Or clarity "I don't want to see your child at all".
Other friends seen to tolerate him absolutely fine.

I wouldn’t take children along to a meet up with friends unless they were invited along too.

If vistors aren’t polite to people in my house they wouldn’t be coming again but I wouldn’t expect them to include my child for 20 mins or for 5 mins or so.

Yeh that's what I do now. But they get mad when I can't make everything they plan if I don't want to be away from my DC every weekend etc

Well, how would you take that ‘clarity’? Ie ‘Please shut your child up in the utility room while I’m in your house’?

No one is going to turn around and say that they don’t want to see your child.

You should realise that child free people don’t want to socialise with a child. It changes the whole mood and dynamics of a meet up.

They do invite him. "I can't come as have DC"
"Bring him along!"

That's interesting though. These are the only friends like this, all other friends and family seem to manage a polite conversation/play for a few mins. So I thought it was really odd. It's good to get this perspective.

I wouldn't invite them over or would make sure DC is out with DH

You need new friends.

I am a firm believer of not everyone has to enjoy kids or want them and that’s fine.

I don’t expect my childless friends to ask about my DS a lot, I’m happy with a happy birthday on his birthday.

But don’t disrespect my child in his own home and act like he shouldn’t be there, or you won’t be invited back.

I understand child free meet ups as well but friends understand I can’t make EVERY meet up.

If your friends blatantly ignore your child in your own home or roll their eyes because you can’t meet up every weekend because shock horror you have responsibilities, then ditch them!

I don't think you can speak on behalf of all child free people. I used to love catching up with my friends AND their kids pre having my own. Not everybody finds children who are unrelated to them detestable, especially children of the people they love.

OP, your "friends" sound like ignorant pigs.

Wouldn’t be doing this for fake friends. My DC doesn’t get taken out of his own home for these woman no way

I'm not great at reading social cues (take people literally) so get a bit confused about incongruity...eg telling me to bring him along then ignoring him /us all the time.

Yeh that's how I feel

They’re telling you to bring him along because else you won’t go. That doesn’t mean that they enjoy being around a child it means they’re tolerating it so they can see you.

I wouldn’t invite these friends to your house anymore.

I think it’s fine for people not to like kids but as you say, it’s your son’s home and he shouldn’t be made to feel crap by visitors.

Are you sure that the “bring him along” isn’t said out of politeness or an expectation that your h would come along and look after his son while the other adults have a drink ?

Exactly. That's how I was pre kids and also how a lot of my other friends who choose not to have kids are

Wow!
If they invite him they should be kind! I have a son but doesn’t mean I like other peoples kids but am always nice to them!

If those friends keep being intolerant and rude, I’d phase them out! If they like you they should like you and your child.

Thank you for this. Sometimes I don't know if I'm overreacting

They sound rude and unpleasant. The answers are largely ridiculous too. No one would say you could ignore or tut at someone’s granny because they dislike elderly people or at someone’s partner because they don’t like French people or someone’s dog because they don’t like animals.

It costs nothing to be civil at the bare minimum, friendly with a bit of effort, and no one who was rude to my children would be welcome in my home. I wouldn’t bother to see them elsewhere either.

I get that, But what's the point of going if they're not going to talk to me...I'm okay with not going to everything

Parents are biased about their views on their own children.

Could it be that they’re being perfectly polite to your child and then focusing their attention back on to you but because they’re not acting like Mr Tumble and spending every second focused on him you’re being offended.

Thanks

They just sounds like dickheads to be honest. I don't like dogs but when I visit my friends with dogs I still say hello to the dog and try hard to compose my face so I don't look as vaguely disgusted as I feel 😂

Yeh this is how I feel..like how would they like it if I treated their partner like that..