Feeling protective of my DC

[OrangeChips1]

I have friends who don't have kids by choice as they don't like them. We been friends since we were in reception.
I didn't realise how vehemently they dislike kids till DC turned 3/4 and actually wanted to interact. If we go out it's me and DC here and everyone else over there.
Fine...I stopped bringing DC to stuff (and wouldn't have done in the first place if they'd been clear they want adults only).
But even if they come over they act like he's a nuisance.

This got me quite cross, they're in his house. And I don't understand why a grown up can't speak to an addition to the group - adult or child - nicely and include them...just for 20 mins or so, I wouldn't expect the dynamic to shift the whole time. To me it's really unwelcoming, like if they brought a new partner along and I refused to speak to them and tutted and eyerolled whenever they spoke.

I'm shocked they can be so mean to someone just because they're younger...They just seem totally unaware that a child is a human with emotions too. AIBU to phase them out?

Life changes when you have kids!

And stop imposing yours on friends who don’t wish to spend time with you whilst you’re distracted and they are being distracted by a young child. They don’t want that and have apparently made that abundantly clear. You either accept it or not, but stop trying to get your own way against everyone else’s wishes!

I didn't just turn up with him...I said I couldn't make it and they said bring him. I guess I expected that if they said to bring him they would be able to adjust slightly to having a child there...I'm not talking about huge adjustments, like I said in my pp simply being willing to chat on a bench near a lake so he can feed the ducks rather than us having to be on the bench where we usually sit ...reasonable adjustments in my eyes

I'm not. I am happy for them to go ahead and do things without me but they won't unless I can make it and then I feel guilty and conflicted

Well, don’t.
Your life has changed. Your priorities have changed. If they won’t go ahead without you, that’s their problem, not yours!

Your friends don’t sound very nice.

I work with a couple of women who are anti-children & they can be quite unpleasant. Interestingly they are both quite selfish & only children (ie no siblings) themselves. So don’t know if there’s a correlation there!

My actual friends who are childless, ask after the DC in the same way that we ask after each others partners, parents & pets. The one time I had to take the youngest along to a meet up they were polite & friendly for the 30 mins until DH could collect her. They might have breathed a sigh of relief when she went, but they didn’t do it out loud! Because they’re nice people - which is why I have them as friends.

No there isn’t a correlation there. Enough with the only child stereotypes.

What horrible "friends" you got OP! I love kids but I'm not keen on dogs for ex. Well, I'm still polite and give my friends' dog some attention if they bring them because I know they are important to them.

I wouldn't be friends with people who are openly unpleasant to a child, children exist whether they like it or not

Fair enough, I apologise, it was meant to be a bit tongue-in-cheek. They are entirely stereotypical though.

The thing is we don’t know if these friends are being “unpleasant” to OP’s child or if she just has an unrealistic view that everyone should spend every second pandering to her child and viewing them as she does.

The truth is parents think their children are the best thing since sliced bread but other people just don’t. So they could be saying hello and spending a few minutes interacting which is more than acceptable but OP thinks this is rude because the whole event isn’t spent watching them and commenting how amazing they are or constantly interacting with them.

They sound like dicks. I have a friend who hates kids, complains about them being on trains/aeroplanes and never wants his own. He will politely chat to mine, brings thoughtful gifts and is interested in them... as they are mine. Just like I'm interested in his partners issues and work stuff. He's my friend. If he behaved like yours do I would have stopped bothering with him as it would be clear we weren't really friends.

People who bang on about how annoying kids are are up there with people who don't have a TV and the polyamorous for mistaking their personal preferences for fascinating character traits. So irritating and boring. For comparison, imagine someone who made a point of saying how much they don't like old people and then expected a pat on the back for it. Awful.

I would not stand for friends being rude to my children in my home, not for one minute. For the rest, I would be firm about not attending events where your children are not going to be welcome. If they say they won't go ahead without you, that's their choice.

Except we as humans work as a society and it's pretty shitty to never want to include children. That's not how life works.

Daisy Chain was rage-baiting I think.